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July 3, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I have read all the chapters and i really enjoyed them. I looking forward to seeing more.
Cya Later:)
Thel20
Cya Later:)
Thel20
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July 6, 2011 at 12:00 AM
This is my condensed review for chapter 1-44. Apologies for any inaccuracies. (SPOILERS WARNING)
There are a few spelling errors here and there that you may have missed and the formatting of this fic was a bit distracting for me. It could be the site itself since I rarely have this problem with FF.net in terms of the display of font styles. Stuff like that you may wanna take a look at.
As for the fic itself...
For what it is, I actually enjoyed this story. I've only a faint amount of knowledge concerning the Wonder Woman story, characters, etc, so I can't make much comparisons. Despite some of my caveats with the original comic book run(Wiki), your OC's story itself is intriguing. But while I like it, I'm also conflicted on a couple of things.
For one, the sex scenes need some work as they're too brief and just skimmed over. For an Adult++ fic, it's pretty tame. The intimate scene with Gawain & Donna is evident of this. That is unless the characters still have to hook up later down the line.
But then there's the (attempted) rape scenes, and my first issue with it, is that your overusing that card. I can accept some baddies trying to pull that move, including demons. If nothing else just to show how depraved certain individuals really are, but avoid playing this too much or it eventually gets monotonous and very one-dimensional.
But I will however applaud you on your portrayal of Dr. Psycho. He's a sick fuck. Right next to that Clea witch.
Second. Personally, I'd strongly caution placing these scenes, even for the sake of sexual content. There are some subjects one shouldn't make light of and this is one of them.
That aside, I wonder if Diana will ever learn who hired those thugs to humiliate her, cos' I for one would find it strange if she isn't pissed over that. Which brings me to my second point: Character Development.
91/Tom/Phillip: I read this story through (Took me over a week to get through all 44 chapters) he is, at least to me, one of the most intriguing characters in this fic. Portions of his back story is yet to be explored and touched upon. That's one of the main hooks to keep me interested. Some of the minor characters, like those in his past I found myself caring very little about, mainly because of how underdeveloped some of them are, like Father Gravesend. Gawain Sharpe on the other hand, is among the ones that I DO care about. I'm very curious to see how he develops into the man that he is now.
Wonder Woman: Firstly, why the hell does she constantly get her ass kicked? I understand why it's necessary at first, but like the rape card, I found myself growing a bit weary of this (unless it was like this in the comics as well). I'm not sure if your staying canon to the comic book events or not, but I will say that while canon should be acknowledged here and there, don't stick too close to it. To be fair though, I like your development of the certain characters however brief. Even Veronica is well fleshed out(though, I personally hate her much more in this fic).
Kudos for the cameos though (Superman, Batman & Luthor).
Finally, the writing. To add to the above, while your writing is good, it has room for improvement. I understand that this fic is very old, so I'd assume your writing style on the whole has improved by now.
Overall, despite these issues, I hope this review encourages you to continue with this. If you plan to continue this, I really wanna know where you plan to go with this fic, especially with the next arc's foreshadowing.
There are a few spelling errors here and there that you may have missed and the formatting of this fic was a bit distracting for me. It could be the site itself since I rarely have this problem with FF.net in terms of the display of font styles. Stuff like that you may wanna take a look at.
As for the fic itself...
For what it is, I actually enjoyed this story. I've only a faint amount of knowledge concerning the Wonder Woman story, characters, etc, so I can't make much comparisons. Despite some of my caveats with the original comic book run(Wiki), your OC's story itself is intriguing. But while I like it, I'm also conflicted on a couple of things.
For one, the sex scenes need some work as they're too brief and just skimmed over. For an Adult++ fic, it's pretty tame. The intimate scene with Gawain & Donna is evident of this. That is unless the characters still have to hook up later down the line.
But then there's the (attempted) rape scenes, and my first issue with it, is that your overusing that card. I can accept some baddies trying to pull that move, including demons. If nothing else just to show how depraved certain individuals really are, but avoid playing this too much or it eventually gets monotonous and very one-dimensional.
But I will however applaud you on your portrayal of Dr. Psycho. He's a sick fuck. Right next to that Clea witch.
Second. Personally, I'd strongly caution placing these scenes, even for the sake of sexual content. There are some subjects one shouldn't make light of and this is one of them.
That aside, I wonder if Diana will ever learn who hired those thugs to humiliate her, cos' I for one would find it strange if she isn't pissed over that. Which brings me to my second point: Character Development.
91/Tom/Phillip: I read this story through (Took me over a week to get through all 44 chapters) he is, at least to me, one of the most intriguing characters in this fic. Portions of his back story is yet to be explored and touched upon. That's one of the main hooks to keep me interested. Some of the minor characters, like those in his past I found myself caring very little about, mainly because of how underdeveloped some of them are, like Father Gravesend. Gawain Sharpe on the other hand, is among the ones that I DO care about. I'm very curious to see how he develops into the man that he is now.
Wonder Woman: Firstly, why the hell does she constantly get her ass kicked? I understand why it's necessary at first, but like the rape card, I found myself growing a bit weary of this (unless it was like this in the comics as well). I'm not sure if your staying canon to the comic book events or not, but I will say that while canon should be acknowledged here and there, don't stick too close to it. To be fair though, I like your development of the certain characters however brief. Even Veronica is well fleshed out(though, I personally hate her much more in this fic).
Kudos for the cameos though (Superman, Batman & Luthor).
Finally, the writing. To add to the above, while your writing is good, it has room for improvement. I understand that this fic is very old, so I'd assume your writing style on the whole has improved by now.
Overall, despite these issues, I hope this review encourages you to continue with this. If you plan to continue this, I really wanna know where you plan to go with this fic, especially with the next arc's foreshadowing.
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December 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
This is a damn good story. I wish there was more, but since it has been a long time since you've updated this my guess is this is never going to be finished. Too bad because this story is just awesome beyond belief.
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August 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM
took an age to get through from the first to the 'fools of a feather' chapter! but it was well worth every hour spent! *whew* I hope you continue this piece! I'm really interested to see where it goes. Normally I'm not a huge fan of original character heroes in my DC universe fic as they tend to come off flat and kind of "shoe-horned in" but you took the trouble to make Phillip, Jake & co really fit, and have real and interesting personalities and quirks. Well done! I have to admit I'm developing a huge soft spot for Jake even though he's not supposed to be a central character to the story... now that you've sort of hinted (or outright declared) the pairings for the other two... maybe the big guy will get his turn? *grin* Epic story! Keep it up!
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October 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hey, i got a link to this story ages ago from a reviewer on a Battletech story on FF.net. I read all of the chapters up back then and then for a while no more updates came, last week i found the link in the favorite websites list on my old computer and i noticed new chapters were up, yay. Now i have read the entire story so far again but there aren't any more, nooooo...
seriously, are you going to continue this story(or have continued it somewhere else) because i'd like to know who Phillip is going to piss off now :p
let me know?
seriously, are you going to continue this story(or have continued it somewhere else) because i'd like to know who Phillip is going to piss off now :p
let me know?
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October 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i really like this fic....it's been too long since u updated!at this rate it might even take a decade to finish~!:(
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September 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
C'mon....please update!!!!
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July 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
one of the best stories here!....exciting all the way ...and am glad that it is just simply filled with porn like most of the other stories here....nice over all plot ....though you do take quite a long time in updating!
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June 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow. This was by far one of the best pieces of fanfiction I have ever read. I admit, I clicked on it looking for pr0n, but I found so much more - I really hope you continue (or have continued it somewhere else) this story. I can't wait to read more.
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December 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
vry, very detailed andgood stories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!