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April 3, 2019 at 12:00 AM
Your story's gone missing. Seems to happen a lot with the older ones.
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August 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was good. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't amazing either. A nice change of pace from some of the other stuff here
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August 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I thought it was pretty good.
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July 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting and rather disspointinglly short.
*Shrugs*
All in all it read like PWP but I can't complain.
Hopefully you will write a more in depth love and relationship between Raven and her Green shape shifting god?
Although well articulated and stuff it just legft me sort numb? what's the point of one shag?
Good so far but you can do better
BrianDarksoul~
*Shrugs*
All in all it read like PWP but I can't complain.
Hopefully you will write a more in depth love and relationship between Raven and her Green shape shifting god?
Although well articulated and stuff it just legft me sort numb? what's the point of one shag?
Good so far but you can do better
BrianDarksoul~
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July 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well, I'll give ya constructive criticism over all else.
Not a fan of Rav/BB pairings myself, but I don't let personal opinions cloud judgement on the actual writings of a story.
However, this one was bitterly short...and there wasn't really a plot...the dialogue was worse than "Debbie does dallas" mixed with a $100 budget soap opera...there was no real passion in the "sex scene," which was extremely underwritten and undescribed...it was about as erotic as a drunk redneck named Bubba passed out in a puddle of his own vomit, to be honest with you...
However, I'm not saying for you to give up. Rewrite it, make it longer, more energetic, with more range of emotions and actions, make it extremely detailed, then come back and try me again. For now, I must vote just one star.
Not a fan of Rav/BB pairings myself, but I don't let personal opinions cloud judgement on the actual writings of a story.
However, this one was bitterly short...and there wasn't really a plot...the dialogue was worse than "Debbie does dallas" mixed with a $100 budget soap opera...there was no real passion in the "sex scene," which was extremely underwritten and undescribed...it was about as erotic as a drunk redneck named Bubba passed out in a puddle of his own vomit, to be honest with you...
However, I'm not saying for you to give up. Rewrite it, make it longer, more energetic, with more range of emotions and actions, make it extremely detailed, then come back and try me again. For now, I must vote just one star.
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July 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Very nice Lemon. I'm a huge fan of BB/Rae, so I really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.