schedule
July 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Awesome story....Raven/Robin combo is the greatest...they fit together so well..great story. Can't wait for another one
schedule
July 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
First, thank you for alerting me to the existence of the 30 Lemons community. I think I'm gonna join.
Also, in the interest of improving my own karma to get more reviews myself, I've decided to get off my hypocrite ass and do some reviewing of my own.
I like what you have here; your inexperience shows only in your lack of bad habits. I'll be frank - if this is too much information, let's not forget that we are authors of porn - the story made me feel dirty more than it aroused me, and failed to really satisfy. I can't fault you on those points; the story feels more like an appetizer or teaser for more involved lemons to come.
Your opening set you apart, not because it was particularly brilliant but because it showed that you, at least, know what "pacing" is. Drawing out the wait made the ultimate payoff much more effective. I was a little unclear what Robin and Raven's actual relationship was at the beginning, so I would suggest making it clearer earlier on where they stand and where Robin wants to take it. On those lines, I don't remember hearing what they were wearing if not their uniforms, and especcially in a story so involved with clothes and the bypassing thereof, I'd like a clearer mental image.
I like that neither of the characters get into the movie; it's a more convincing reaction to porn than I could usually hope for on this site.
Robin's orgasm seemed a little sudden and frivolous; I liked the banter that followed, but the orgasm itself, I don't know - I didn't feel it. Along those lines, about the stain on Robin's pants: even when a full load is blown uninterrupted into one's boxers, the resulting mess rarely produces an outward stain. If the male in question isn't wearing underwear, then yes, a stain would soak through, but take my word for it: semen is too thick and gloopy to visibly soak through both boxers and jeans. Yes, this is nitpicking, but readers gobble up nitpicky details! Leave in the stain if you want, but you might to say that Robin doesn't wear underwear.
I might have more for you later; like I said, though, this fic feels like an appetizer, and I eagerly await the next installment!
Also, in the interest of improving my own karma to get more reviews myself, I've decided to get off my hypocrite ass and do some reviewing of my own.
I like what you have here; your inexperience shows only in your lack of bad habits. I'll be frank - if this is too much information, let's not forget that we are authors of porn - the story made me feel dirty more than it aroused me, and failed to really satisfy. I can't fault you on those points; the story feels more like an appetizer or teaser for more involved lemons to come.
Your opening set you apart, not because it was particularly brilliant but because it showed that you, at least, know what "pacing" is. Drawing out the wait made the ultimate payoff much more effective. I was a little unclear what Robin and Raven's actual relationship was at the beginning, so I would suggest making it clearer earlier on where they stand and where Robin wants to take it. On those lines, I don't remember hearing what they were wearing if not their uniforms, and especcially in a story so involved with clothes and the bypassing thereof, I'd like a clearer mental image.
I like that neither of the characters get into the movie; it's a more convincing reaction to porn than I could usually hope for on this site.
Robin's orgasm seemed a little sudden and frivolous; I liked the banter that followed, but the orgasm itself, I don't know - I didn't feel it. Along those lines, about the stain on Robin's pants: even when a full load is blown uninterrupted into one's boxers, the resulting mess rarely produces an outward stain. If the male in question isn't wearing underwear, then yes, a stain would soak through, but take my word for it: semen is too thick and gloopy to visibly soak through both boxers and jeans. Yes, this is nitpicking, but readers gobble up nitpicky details! Leave in the stain if you want, but you might to say that Robin doesn't wear underwear.
I might have more for you later; like I said, though, this fic feels like an appetizer, and I eagerly await the next installment!
schedule
July 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Though i'm not normally a fan of the R/R pairing, this was very good. You going to have a sequel or an update?
schedule
July 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Great stuff here, better then the majority of stuff on this site. Can't wait to see what you do next.
schedule
July 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hands down one of the best Teen Titans fan fiction I have read on aff.net, its authors like you that keep my coming back to this site. I Really hope you keep up the work, and look forward to any of your future works.
schedule
July 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
NO OFFENCE BUT ROBIN RAVEN PAIRINGS SUCK ASS MAN.
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July 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Good job, especially for your first fic. I hope that you write a second chapter where they finish up. And I hope to see more of your work on the board.