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May 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Thats one of my favorite stories on the site so far. I hope you write some more stories focusing on Cyborg. If you know where I can find more like that please let me know, and keep up the good work.
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September 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
damnit that would have been a good story but you had to add your own character. i should kick you in the balls i know you have.
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September 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Now this was a great story. Cyborg is one of my favorite Teen Titan's and I hate how he gets no love in most fanfiction. Ignore the complainers, riding Beat Boy's coa-tails. Nearly every fic here in AFF's Teen Titan section is about him or Robin so if they don't like it they can go read those. Argent was a nice addition also. A possible Cy/Argent pairing in the future would be quite interesting.
I've never been a Beast Boy fan for the reason one of your reviewer posted above. I could never see him with Raven. He's just too immature. Sure he mellowed a little and became more serious at the end of the show but still.... Terra will always be the best match for him. Your portrayal of him was dead on....much to his fan's chagrin. As serious as he's become I couldn't see him being that hot in bed...he'd need to grow up a little bit more.
People can say what they want about Cyborg, but he's had the attention of most of the girls in the show. Starfire and that whole Troc ordeal, he gets along with Raven better than any of the other males, Jinx, Gnarrk was jealous of him cause he thought Kole liked him, Sarasim, and Bumblebee. He must be doing somthing right.
I've never been a Beast Boy fan for the reason one of your reviewer posted above. I could never see him with Raven. He's just too immature. Sure he mellowed a little and became more serious at the end of the show but still.... Terra will always be the best match for him. Your portrayal of him was dead on....much to his fan's chagrin. As serious as he's become I couldn't see him being that hot in bed...he'd need to grow up a little bit more.
People can say what they want about Cyborg, but he's had the attention of most of the girls in the show. Starfire and that whole Troc ordeal, he gets along with Raven better than any of the other males, Jinx, Gnarrk was jealous of him cause he thought Kole liked him, Sarasim, and Bumblebee. He must be doing somthing right.
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August 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
decent
I wouldn't mind a little more
I wouldn't mind a little more
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July 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I thought it was good the preson who wrote this should make another and any one who say other waise should shut up =) think you for reading my review =)
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July 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I like it!
Though I'm technically a BB/Rae guy, my only true allegiance is to fics like these that throw flaming whiskey bottles in the face of established pairings. I love a good guerilla pairing, which is beside the point that, as someone noted, it's good to see Cyborg get some action for once.
That said, I have a laundry list of praise and criticism:
-In general, I'd like to preach the gospel of Strunk and White: Eliminate Needless Words. I'm sorely tempted to copy the fic into Word and just highlight each awkward phrasing, bombastic decription, and needless word, sentence, and even whole needless paragraphs. I am sorely tempted, and for the price of, say, a detailed review of my own fanfic :D I could be persuaded to do so. I see a lot of potential, you just need to clean house a little.
-Your descriptions of Kid Flash and Beast Boy as lovers are pretty effective on their own, but they're so similar that I feel you should either differentiate them or go somewhere with that similarity (i.e. have a character comment on it).
-The beginning was a little clunky, but I do like the dynamic you have for Starfire and Argent. I'd like one of two things, though: to either note that Star spends a lot of nights with Robin if that is the case, or note that she doesn't and why not if that's the case. Either way, I want to hear what Argent thinks about it.
-You seem to have some strange notions concerning penis sizes. For Cyborg to be swinging around two feet of hard-on...it's unreasonable! Average erect length is around 5 or 6 in. (which also makes us note Starfire's complaint of Robin being small; she actually gives him a good 1.5 to 3 inches above average). Ron Jeremy, a man made famous for his penis length, had a little less than 10 inches. Give Cyborg a big one if it suits you, but it hurts my suspension of disbelief to give him a world record.
-You have two allusions to marriage that seems out of place. One is in the cafe when Star says that Kid Flash and Jynx have "tied the knot" - that means "married", but you treat it like "officially a couple". You don't have to change what Star said, but it should be noted by some character. Standing out more is Argent's line at the end about "which one you'll spend the rest of your life with". To a self-professed player like Cyborg, these words would ring like funeral bells. If she's joking - and it would be a good joke - then make that clearer and give Cyborg a more suitable reaction. It seems too much like she's seriously saying "Great job fucking us, time to get married!"
-Raven seems very quiet during most of the cafe scene. That's fine, but you should at least note the silence; otherwise it feels like you forgot she was there.
-Bravo on the fic set-up, btw. The concept of giving your single friends as a sexy birthday present actually works really well, and it's fresh! And for Cyborg, no less!
-I'd like to know a little more about what the other girls were doing during the sexy party when it wasn't their turns. Maybe they're having a sexy party of their own, maybe not, but I'd like to know. Also, I don't buy the girls passing out as soon as they've come once; maybe one of them just totally passes out, but I'd rather at least one stayed up till the end.
-I also take issue with Cyborg's multiple orgasms. Women get multiple orgasms; men get the refractory period.
Though I'm technically a BB/Rae guy, my only true allegiance is to fics like these that throw flaming whiskey bottles in the face of established pairings. I love a good guerilla pairing, which is beside the point that, as someone noted, it's good to see Cyborg get some action for once.
That said, I have a laundry list of praise and criticism:
-In general, I'd like to preach the gospel of Strunk and White: Eliminate Needless Words. I'm sorely tempted to copy the fic into Word and just highlight each awkward phrasing, bombastic decription, and needless word, sentence, and even whole needless paragraphs. I am sorely tempted, and for the price of, say, a detailed review of my own fanfic :D I could be persuaded to do so. I see a lot of potential, you just need to clean house a little.
-Your descriptions of Kid Flash and Beast Boy as lovers are pretty effective on their own, but they're so similar that I feel you should either differentiate them or go somewhere with that similarity (i.e. have a character comment on it).
-The beginning was a little clunky, but I do like the dynamic you have for Starfire and Argent. I'd like one of two things, though: to either note that Star spends a lot of nights with Robin if that is the case, or note that she doesn't and why not if that's the case. Either way, I want to hear what Argent thinks about it.
-You seem to have some strange notions concerning penis sizes. For Cyborg to be swinging around two feet of hard-on...it's unreasonable! Average erect length is around 5 or 6 in. (which also makes us note Starfire's complaint of Robin being small; she actually gives him a good 1.5 to 3 inches above average). Ron Jeremy, a man made famous for his penis length, had a little less than 10 inches. Give Cyborg a big one if it suits you, but it hurts my suspension of disbelief to give him a world record.
-You have two allusions to marriage that seems out of place. One is in the cafe when Star says that Kid Flash and Jynx have "tied the knot" - that means "married", but you treat it like "officially a couple". You don't have to change what Star said, but it should be noted by some character. Standing out more is Argent's line at the end about "which one you'll spend the rest of your life with". To a self-professed player like Cyborg, these words would ring like funeral bells. If she's joking - and it would be a good joke - then make that clearer and give Cyborg a more suitable reaction. It seems too much like she's seriously saying "Great job fucking us, time to get married!"
-Raven seems very quiet during most of the cafe scene. That's fine, but you should at least note the silence; otherwise it feels like you forgot she was there.
-Bravo on the fic set-up, btw. The concept of giving your single friends as a sexy birthday present actually works really well, and it's fresh! And for Cyborg, no less!
-I'd like to know a little more about what the other girls were doing during the sexy party when it wasn't their turns. Maybe they're having a sexy party of their own, maybe not, but I'd like to know. Also, I don't buy the girls passing out as soon as they've come once; maybe one of them just totally passes out, but I'd rather at least one stayed up till the end.
-I also take issue with Cyborg's multiple orgasms. Women get multiple orgasms; men get the refractory period.
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July 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That last big review was mine, btw. Took long enough to write that I got signed out :(
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July 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
What word did i spell wrong you pretentious cock. Take your own advice and shut up.
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July 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
How about instead of that, Anon, you act like a goddamn human being and just say what you didn't like. We're here for self-improvement; if you just want to bitch and moan, start a livejournal, because this isn't the place.
schedule
July 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
-I would say descriptive to a fault. I recommend reading the Elements of Style if you ever get the chance, as I would recommend it to any writer not acquainted with it.
-I've never actually seen the Kid Flash episodes, but I think them being about the same is fine; I just think it's worthy of noting in the story. Otherwise it seems like you only know how to characterize one kind of bad boyfriend.
-It's not really necessary, it just seemed like a good opportunity for quick detail.
-Apparently my brain was doing its laundry last night, since I read 14 inches and thought two feet. However, as the largest medically verified penis I've been able to find mention of is 13.5 inches, I'm still a little iffy. I say just make it 10 or 11, and I'll quit my bitching.
-I say "Who are you going to spend more time fucking" is actually a much better phrase to use there, or at least something along those lines.
-I know that the girl can pass out sometimes, but in my experience it is an exception and dependent upon both the girl and the circumstances. For it to happen three times in a row with three different girls is what I take issue with. I'd say that for Jynx to pass out would be more than acceptable considering the treatment she got, and since they're basically done after Argent's turn, Argent may as well go to sleep. I think it would be both hotter and more believable if Raven stayed up for a little while after her turn.
-Well, damn you to hell! Most of us just get the stupid refractory period :(
-I've never actually seen the Kid Flash episodes, but I think them being about the same is fine; I just think it's worthy of noting in the story. Otherwise it seems like you only know how to characterize one kind of bad boyfriend.
-It's not really necessary, it just seemed like a good opportunity for quick detail.
-Apparently my brain was doing its laundry last night, since I read 14 inches and thought two feet. However, as the largest medically verified penis I've been able to find mention of is 13.5 inches, I'm still a little iffy. I say just make it 10 or 11, and I'll quit my bitching.
-I say "Who are you going to spend more time fucking" is actually a much better phrase to use there, or at least something along those lines.
-I know that the girl can pass out sometimes, but in my experience it is an exception and dependent upon both the girl and the circumstances. For it to happen three times in a row with three different girls is what I take issue with. I'd say that for Jynx to pass out would be more than acceptable considering the treatment she got, and since they're basically done after Argent's turn, Argent may as well go to sleep. I think it would be both hotter and more believable if Raven stayed up for a little while after her turn.
-Well, damn you to hell! Most of us just get the stupid refractory period :(