Wrath and Love

Wrath and Love Chapter Fourteen

Todd smacked his lips, deciding that he needed to brush his teeth to rid himself of the sour aftertaste of the milk he had consumed with dinner and the cookies afterward. Reluctantly, he worked up the will to actually peel his eyes open and remove himself from the warmth of Pepito's embrace. Moving both of the other's arms back to his sides, he pushed himself up into a half-sitting position on the couch, letting the blanket fall to his midsection as he studied the face of the Antichrist, the face of his best friend.

It was strange how he had always managed to look so innocent in sleep, even before he had learned to mask his infernal form. Todd's soft smile fell when a hand was suddenly on his own, which had somehow found its way to Pepito's face. He could already feel himself starting to blush.“Umm...hi.”

“Good morning, Amigo.”

“I was just...uh,” he stopped, deciding that there really was no explanation and maybe he didn't need one anyway. It was better to change tangents. “...getting up.”

Pepito looked around, frowning at the early morning light from the eastern, living room windows and the dead cinders in his fireplace that left the apartment with a subtle arctic feel. The central heat kicked on with no more than a concentrated thought, but he retained his grip on the hand. There were still dark bags under the other man's eyes, which were also dry and blood-shot from too much crying. “Are you sure? You look like you need more sleep.”

“Gee, thanks.” Todd smiled sarcastically, though he was grateful that Pepito at least hadn't mentioned the fact that he had cried himself to sleep the previous night like a broken hearted school-girl.

“Sorry.” Pepito cringed at the inadvertent insult. “I know it's my fault, Todd, but that doesn't change the effect it's having on your heath, and the party isn't until 6:00 tonight. You can sleep for the rest of the day if you want.”

He shook his head. “That's okay. I have a lot of thinking to do, and I want to take a walk. Don't worry, though; I'm not planning on leaving the building.” Not that he could by himself if he wanted to.

“If you're sure.” Releasing his hand, Pepito sighed.

“I am.” Giving the other a quick smile, Todd climbed to his socked feet, making a face at the cold floor as he headed to the bathroom to prepare for the day. When he had showered, shaved, brushed his teeth, and dressed, he found Pepito, also dressed, waiting for him beside the door.

“Todd?” The Antichrist winced at how timid his voice sounded. He cleared his throat before continuing, though it was only a mild improvement. “I'll take you out, if you want. We could get breakfast after.”

“Thanks, Pep, but I really need to be alone for a while.” Well, maybe not alone, but away from Pepito at least. He needed to be able to think clearly, critically, without the literal embodiment of temptation promising him eternal comfort and security. What he really needed was another opinion, and there were only two other people in the building that weren't followers of Pepito. Rosemary, who had flown in for Pepito's birthday, was out because he knew that telling her would probably result in a fight between herself and her son, so there was truly only one choice.

“That sounds familiar. It's not going to be another ten years, is it?” He shot the other a half-smile, opening the door for him when it was returned.

“I promise I'll be back before the party. Probably way before then.” Todd frowned, giving Pepito a quick hug before making his way down the hall. He watched the floor as he walked, replaying the odd behavior that he had just encountered. Pepito was usually self-assured, verging on arrogant, not...whatever that had been.


He rapped his fist against the wooden door with little hesitation, hoping that he wasn't waking the damned man who lurked within. “Edgar?”

“Oh, umm, come in!”

Todd tried the knob. “It's locked!” There was a rustling from within, followed by the sound of the lock sliding out of place, and the door opened to reveal the man he was looking for, who was currently sporting a housecoat and white slippers.

“Sorry, Todd! I don't know how that could have happened. Please, come in.” He moved aside so that the other man could do so.

When he stepped into the small living room, Todd could see that in the dinning room breakfast was already laid out upon Edgar's table, and Tess was there was well. She looked away from her plate, and their eyes meet for a second. She was dressed much the same as Edgar, suggesting that perhaps she had spent the night.

Over the last month, she and Edgar had gravitated to each other naturally, finding that they had a surprising amount in common, despite their outer differences. Todd and Edgar had, of course, already discovered that they both shared a common, traumatizing association with the same homicidal manic back in California, but they had failed to bond over it to the extent that Tess and Edgar had, in part because Todd didn't feel as spiteful towards Nny as the other two.

“So, what can I do for you, Todd?”

“I, umm, kind of need to talk to you about something...alone. But I can come back. I didn't mean to interrupt anything.”

Edgar frowned at the nervous tone of the other man. “No, that's quite alright. We'll just...go somewhere private for a while.”

“Don't be ridiculous, Edgar! You two stay. I'll go. And don't worry,” Tess stopped them both from protesting, “I was just about done away.” She raised a nearly full plate that was now leaving with her to attest to the lie as she walked by them to the door, where Edgar stopped her.

“Tess, wait! I didn't mean for-”

“Oh, it's fine, Edgar, really! Todd needs you, and you're a nice guy.” She smiled. “The first nice guy that I've come across in a long time. That's why I like you.” Patting his cheek a few times, she place a quick kiss there before heading back to her own apartment.

Todd rubbed his own arm through his sweater like he thought he could stave off the awkwardness in the same manner as the cold. “Sorry.”

Closing the door, the damned man turned around with a real, left over smile. “Think nothing of it. Now, what was it that you needed to talk about? You're welcome to breakfast, by the way.”

“Oh, no thanks.” At the moment his nerves felt too on edge to put anything into his stomach. “I, uh, the thing is, I...Pepito...”

The smile falling from his face, Edgar took the boy by the shoulders, reminded, as always, of how strange it was that Todd was actually a couple years older than he was when he had died. It probably wasn't appropriate to think of him as a boy, but it was hard to deny the fact that he should be his elder! Actually, he should have been Tess's by almost a decade as well, but instead their age situation was currently reversed. “What? What did he do now?”

“He asked me to give him my soul.”

Edgar raised a brow. “I thought he did that to everyone. Is this the first time?”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, no, it's not the first, but it's different this time. It's...I don't know what to do.”

“Tell him no!” The dead man's voice was exasperated, and he realized, too late, that he was actually shaking Todd to get his point across. He had known from the start that the two living together could bring nothing good!

“But it's not that simple. And before you say anything else, just let me explain, okay?” Silence. “Okay, so he says that if I do it, if I give him my soul, that he'll pretty much put an end to the whole android enterprise.”

He was quite for a moment longer, expecting further explanation, but when none came, he pushed on. “Androids, Todd? That's it?” He had to admit that he was surprised that the Antichrist had offered him something so big, something that would obviously hurt his own reputation and profit, especially after that whole speech that he had received about one soul not being important. But he still didn't see why that offer was apparently worth considering.

Todd released a deep breath, removing the other man's hands from his shoulders. “You haven't seen what I've seen, Edgar. The androids, they're...they're not just machines. They're conscious under all those programs. They're not human exactly, but they're still people, and they're slaves...more slaves than any humans ever have been because they don't even have the option of resisting. I...I could end that.”

Eyes widening, the dead man nodded as realization set in. “I see. What if we could find a way to make that public. I realize that Pepito would crush most people for that, but I think that you could possibly get away with it without too much suffering. Maybe.”

“No. They wouldn't believe it, Edgar. We don't have real proof, and people...most people won't believe anything that will inconvenience them. Even if they did, they wouldn't care. There's nothing in the new rules that forbids it. The people in the work camps are practically slaves too, just not so completely, and hardly anyone complains about that anymore.”

“Okay. Okay, just calm down. We have to stay calm and think. How do you know that he'll even make good on that offer if you give it to him?”

“I guess...I don't, not for sure. But...I don't think that he would lie to me about something like that.”

“You can't trust him, Todd! For some reason he seems to want your soul more than most, and if that tells me anything at all, it's that you shouldn't let him have it! It means that you're useful to his purpose somehow.”

“Me? Useful? I don't think so.... I'm his friend. We...we care about each other.”

Edgar slapped him, waiting for him to regain some composure before allowing himself to yell. “He's a demon, the son of Satan! And you think that he wants your soul because he loves you!”

His hand came to rest on his own stinging face, and Todd gawked at Edgar openly. “Well, when you say it like that, it does sound a little stupid, but not everything is so black and white. Demons are just fallen angles, right? And he's human too...more human than a lot of full humans I've known in my life.”

“Todd,” Edgar sighed again, “that's what he wants you to think. It's his way of getting to you. Seeing the best in everyone is supposed to be a good thing, but not when what you're seeing isn't really there...like with Johnny C. This is the same thing.” He rubbed the nap of his own neck. “I'm, uh, sorry I hit you, but you have to see sense.”

“It isn't. And even Johnny's not completely bad. I know that you and Tess only saw that part of him, and I'm not denying that he's a demented, psychopathic, self-centered jerk most of the time. But he had moments of clarity...and he did save me from a pedophile that one time. But this isn't about Nny. Pepito's never been that sick. I know he has...problems, but deep down...I believe that there's good there.”

The damned man shook his head in dismay. “Have you ever heard of stockholms syndrome? Sometimes when abducted hostages or domestic abuse victims are in certain situations, like yours, they bond with their captor. ”

“Edgar-”

“No, I'm being completely serious here. You don't even want to leave him anymore! And it all makes perfect sense. I think that he knows exactly what he's doing. He's had enough practice being a cult leader for so long!”

“It's not a cult really-”

“See, you're defending it, him! Just like Tess. But just stop and think about it. Your situation has all of the conditions for stockholms syndrome. You've seen him torture and kill people who resist him. He's always drowning you in small, insignificant kindnesses. He's made it clear that you've no chances of escaping him, and he's brought you here to isolate you from any other perspectives so you'll eventually be forced to see things his way.

“You can't even pray here, not really! Did you know that the whole building is dedicated to Satan? Tess told me. You might as well be talking to the walls...or to him!” God, now that he thought about it in perspective, it was amazing that he hadn't seen it before they had gotten on the plane! That Rosemary hadn't seen it..or at least she hadn't said it. The bastard was better at his job than he let on!

Todd was quiet for a few solid minutes. He leaned against the closed door, contemplating what Edgar had said and the sudden emptiness that seemed to reside in his chest. “You...you might be right.”

Nodding sympathetically, the dead man lead the other to the couch in his temporary living room before fetching him a cup of warm tea and a biscuit from the kitchen. “I'm, umm, I took a couple of psychology classes in college, but they didn't...really prepare me to handle things like this, and I'm afraid that my interpersonal experiences from life were somewhat...limited.”

Chuckling hollowly, Todd took a careful sip of the tea. “That's okay, Edgar, I...I don't expect you to be my shrink. I...appreciate you sharing your point of view with me, but...even if you're right, I still have the same problem.” He paused to choke down a few bites of the biscuit, washing it down liberally. “Is it better to sacrifice yourself for many other people or to save your own soul at their expense? I know that should be obvious, at least to me, but it seems like I'm damned either way. I mean, I definitely am if I give Pepito my soul, but the alternative...letting so many people suffer...what kind of God would want me to do that?”

“Todd, I'm not a Priest either.”

“I know, Edgar, but you're all I've got.”

“Perhaps, but look where I am, and why. I died believing, you know, that I was going to Heaven. I...Pepito said that I went to Hell because I tried to deflect my suffering onto someone else.” He looked down for a moment, shame tinting his cheeks a light pink. “He said that the easiest way into Heaven is self-sacrifice. But that's the voice of the Devil...or his son at any rate. It could have been a lie or a trick. Even back that far, it could have been a part of his plan for you.”

“I think he had a different plan then.” He frowned at the memory of Pepito's hand holding his own, pulling the trigger on the gun in the Guard Station.

“Even so.”

“...yeah....” He downed the rest of the tea, setting the empty cup on an end table. “Thanks for listening to me, Edgar. I think it really has helped.”

“But you're still conflicted?”

“Well, I still don't see a clear choice. I think I'm just going to have to go with what seems morally...less bad...to me, and hope that I'm doing the right thing. I guess in the end that all anyone can do.”


Notes:

-I don't really know how old Edgar was when he died. For some reason he always seemed about 30 to me.

-stockholms syndrome:
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=469

-All Squee and JTHM characters (like Tess and Edgar) belong to JV! I make no monies!