Wrath and Love

Wrath and Love: Chapter Fifteen


Todd sighed at Pepito's empty bedroom, walking in further without even bothering to turn on the lights. The dim illumination from the hallway was enough to allow him to see his way to the bed, where he deposited the newly wrapped gift that he hadn't wanted to present to the other in the presence of everyone at the party. Eyes seeking the digital clock on the nightstand, he realized that it was now past two in the morning, and Pepito was still at said party.

Most of the initiated had moved from the main room to one of the large private rooms just down the hall from Pepito's apartment around eleven o'clock. The room was apparently used as a temple to Satan. He could hear the music and the chanting from there, and it seemed to accentuate the lost, lonely feeling that had been building up inside him recently. He found himself wishing Edgar and Rosemary hadn't already gone to bed, and even more so that Pepito was with him.

He laughed out loud through the frown on his face at his own pitiful state, realizing that he had felt that way before, only to a much lesser extent. Back in high school he had felt a small shimmer of that feeling sometimes when Pepito would leave him alone, at times for weeks on end, while he paid a visit to a far away coven, or went on a field trip with a demonic tutor, or even sometimes just during Satanic holiday celebrations that he wasn't allowed to attend. It was pathetic alright, but it was also ridiculously funny because maybe Pepito wasn't the only one who was jealous of the other's religious devotion.

Deciding that he would rather give Pepito the present personally, but having no idea when the ritual would end, he climbed onto the bed. He laid atop the covers, pulling a pillow to his chest and shaking his head at himself. At least the Antichrist had some kind of justification for his jealousy. A tear rolled down his face as his lips formed a sad smile. Maybe what he was about to do would resolve all those feelings at least. He pulled the pillow closer, burying his face in its softness and blotting out the sound of the chanting.

The next sound he heard was a door closing rather close to himself and then a slight squeak of the mattress springs as gravity shifted his body toward a new weight that made the mattress dip on the other side of the bed. He pulled the pillow from his face, letting the even lower level of light in the room tell him what it could about the latest developments. The clock now read nearly four in the morning, his present was pressing into his stomach and there was someone else in bed with him, though they were beneath the covers instead of on top.

“Pepito?” he asked in a groggy voiced that prompted the lump on the other side of the bed to tense, then shift around until they were face to face.

“Oh, hey there, Amigo.” Pepito gave the other a lazy smile, letting his eyes close again before they sprung back open. “Wait. This is my room, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Good...good. Why are you here then?”

“Sorry, I was really tried, but I didn't want to miss you, so...”

“Ah. Okay.” Chuckling a little at Todd's awkward explanation, Pepito simply wrapped an arm around the other man, letting the covers fall to the midsection of his chest as he attempted to get comfortable.

“Pep?” Todd moved the present into a less painful position in his arms when Pepito decided that there was too much space between them. “Are you naked?”

“Umm...” He took his arm back to lift the covers and check. “yeah.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Nope. Definitely not drunk, but I might be a little high from the tanis root that we always burn during ritual. It's effects haven't been studied very well, but it's related to marijuana, you know.”

“Oh...maybe we should talk later then.”

“It's alright, Todd. I'm ready to listen to anything you want to say. I'm pretty sure that I'm just a little tried is all.” Wearily, he sat up to turn on the lamp beside his bed before facing Todd again with a yawn.

“Right.” Todd sat up as well, suddenly feeling nervous now that he had Pepito's undivided attention. The weight that tumbled into his lap provided him with a momentary relief from the inevitable, and he picked up the wrapped package, holding it out like shield in front of himself. “Well, happy birthday.”

“Oh. Thanks, Amigo.” Pepito took the gift with an amused smile, wondering why Todd had deemed the middle of the night, or very early morning as the case appeared to be, the best time to give it. “What is it?”

Todd shrugged, shooting the other an incredulous look for even asking. “If I had wanted you to know, would I have wrapped it? Open it.”

“Alright, alright.” A small smile broke through the mock exasperation as he untied the bow and tore through the wrapping paper to reveal the midnight blue cover of a book. On the first page, gold lettering spelled out its dedication to himself from Todd Castil with a simple message that thanked him for “not laughing”. “Todd, you wrote me a book?”

“Well, it's more like a collection of short stories, but yeah. I couldn't think of anything to buy you because, well, you literally could have anything you want from anywhere in the world. But don't get upset, okay? Marla had it printed for me, but it's not published or anything.”

“Upset? I...this is amazing. Thank you.”

“Well, you know how it's illegal for noncitizens to publish art through any medium and how it all has to be approved anyway. But you're welcome.”

Pepito frowned at the passive-aggressive, unneeded reminder as his fingers ran over the smooth cover of the hardbound book. He flipped it back open to scan the index of story titles, determined not to apologize for the inconvenience that his policies had caused or the fact that this book would probably never be read by anyone but himself. In a twisted, sad way that thought was sort of comforting. It was a part of Todd that he could keep all to himself, even if he was never able to acquire his soul.

“That reminds me.” Realizing that he was clutching the book to his stomach much like Todd had done with a certain stuffed bear and later sometimes with his own favorite books, Pepito laughed at himself as he slipped out of bed and deposited his present on his nightstand. “I have something for you too.”

“Huh?” Todd cringed when the light was suddenly turned on, then again when he looked back at Pepito, who happened to be completely naked at the moment. Luckily, he wasn't facing Todd to see him blush, and it wasn't long before he had donned a pair of sleeping pants, then opened his closet to dig through its contents. By the time he had surfaced from its depths, he had a cardboard box that he held out for the taking.

Todd climbed out of bed as well, barely noticing a black robe that Pepito must have discarded just before joining him in bed, before taking the box easily. Pepito was always buying him new and unnecessary things, despite his frequent complaints. Soon he was going to find a way to donate some of it to charity, though he wasn't quite sure if and how that process worked anymore. “Thanks, Pep.” The words were out of his mouth before he had gotten the last of the tape off, much less seen what was inside. When he finally did manage to get it open to see familiar faux fur in the midst of a protective embrace from several hundred Styrofoam peanuts, he tone changed instantly. “Is this...Shmee?”

“Uh, yeah. I found him in your old house, hidden in the basement in a box of old junk a while back.”

Todd gave the old bear a vague smile as he lifted it from the box, brushing a few peanuts away as well. Even though Shmee had stopped talking long ago, he had still held enough sentimental value that Todd had never wanted to give him away. “You...searched my house? Are my parents...”

“Don't worry. They're still alive and as horrible as ever.” Pepito took the box back, sitting it beside his bedroom trash can for the time being. “I didn't want to kill them without your consent. They still live in the same place, actually. The two of them were amongst the first to sign up for the mark.”

“Heh. For such an elitist, you sure have some pretty low standards.” Todd hugged Shmee closer, hoping that the humor would belie the mixed feelings that the new revelation was stirring within him. He wasn't sure how he should feel, but he was sure that whatever was appropriate should be stronger than it was, even though he hadn't thought about his parents in more than passing in years.

“Yes, well, there is a big difference between the screening for civilians and initiates. What your parents have is the equivalent of a branding.”

“The sixes on their hands? How's that any different from what Marla and the other initiates have?”

“The civilian marks are accomplished by technology and a very diluted spiritual signature. They're not made with the Black Flame of Hell that the marks of the initiates are, and they don't originate from my own mark. I wouldn't offer your parents, or most people, what I've offered you in the past...” Pepito stepped closer, taking Todd's hand into his own, “what you could still have even now, if you would only say yes.”

"Pepito...” Todd looked down, searching his mind for anything that might help him out of this, if only for a small time. “H-how do I know that you would even care about me anymore if I were to say yes? What if...the reason you've always wanted me is just because you can't have me?”

“Come now, Amigo. We both know that's bull shit. I want you because I care about you and not the other way around. Do you think that if Mother ever said yes, that I would just take her soul and dump it in some proverbial pile of second rate scraps in Hell or something?”

“Well, no. She's your mother.”

“Your my family too, Todd. I'll always care about you. And anyway, I don't treat any of the initiates like that. What I'm offering you is a chance to see the world like you never have before, a chance to have real power over your life, to live freely.”

Todd smiled. “You really know how to pick your words to someone whose been a prisoner for so long, huh?”

Pepito nodded, but his own smile was rather sad. “You have no idea, Todd, that your real enslavement is to the old system, to that worn out and pathetic excuse for a 'God'.” His free hand came up to caress the other man's face. “Come to me. Join my cause, and you will never have to fear him again.”

“Pep...I'm not afraid of him.” Todd smiled softly. He wasn't offended or surprised by Pepito's assumption because he had many Christians make it as well, but he didn't believe that fear was a good basis for morality or faith, especially fear of something that was supposed to be good and loving.

“You're afraid of me?”

“No.” Todd shook his head, letting his free hand grip Pepito's upper arm as he moved a bit closer, hoping to ward off some of the worry that the other's face betrayed. Still, he had to be honest. “I'm just afraid of what you're doing, of what all those people are going through...of what this is all leading up to.”

“Let me show you, Todd. Stay with me tonight. It doesn't have to be some big affair with lots of people.” Pepito's hand moved from Todd's face into his hair and then to his back to pull their bodies closer. His voice got lower and a little desperate as their mouths got closer, close enough for him to feel his own breath heating Todd's lips, for him to barely touch that soft, pouty flesh as he whispered against it. “We can have our own little ritual...right here.”

Todd's hand tightened its grip on Pepito's arm as the heat that rose in his blood made him feel lightheaded. This was not the way he had intended to go about such negotiations! He needed to remain coherent and in control. “Pepito, stop it!” he finally screamed, pushing Pepito out of his personal space with enough force to land him on the bed.

“Stop what?” Pepito sat up where he had fallen, pushing his own hair from his face. He let a trace of irritation come out in his voice to mask the guilt that really should have been there.

“That thing that you do!” Todd stomped his foot, only then noticing that he must have dropped Shmee during Pepito's overture. He quickly bent down to retrieve him before launching immediately back into his point. “That creepy, manipulative, seductive thing when you're trying to get someone's soul!”

Pepito smiled. “You think I'm seductive?”

“That's not funny, Pepito. This is really hard for me, and that's not helping your case, so you might as well knock it off.”

“I'm sorry, Todd, I-”

“Could you...could you just stop being the Antichrist for a few minutes and be my friend? I could really use one right now.”

“Todd...I'm always your friend. Come here.” Pepito stood up to open his arms, dropping the old teddy bear onto his bed and pulling Todd into a tight hug when he had finally managed to walk slowly over to his person. One of his hands managed to find its way into that hair again, and he hoped that it was obvious that this time it only sought to comfort. “You know you don't have to make a decision right now, right? You can sleep on it. And if you decide not to, you don't have to say anything at all. Okay?”

“Pep? Can I ask you some questions?” The words were slightly muffled against Pepito's neck, where Todd's face was currently seeking refuge.

“Of course.”

“Why did you bring me here?”

Pepito's brow creased. “To New York?”

“New York, the Bramford.”

“Because I enjoy your company, and I wanted you here for my birthday.”

“There wasn't any other reason?”

“Any other reason such as?”

Todd lifted his face to look Pepito in the eyes. “Like to isolate me from things, from beliefs, that you don't approve of?”

“No. Not purposefully in any case, though I must admit that I was hoping that living here for a time would help you to realize that being on my side doesn't automatically make someone a mindless minion or a needlessly cruel person.”

“Was that a lesson I was supposed to pick up from the public celebration? Because I must have missed it when you were busy stabbing that man to death.”

Pepito sighed. “You know that I didn't plan that. I'm sorry that you had to see it, that it happened to begin with, okay? It wasn't...the way that I would have dealt with that issue, but that decision was made while I was in California.”

“So why did you do it if you thought it was wrong? And, back to the point of what you were saying, doesn't that send the message that your people are needlessly cruel at least?” Todd didn't mean for any hostility to accompany the statement. He last thing he wanted right now was an argument, but he found that he couldn't apologize for it. It was no secret that he had yet to forgive Pepito completely for the violent display, but he pulled him closer all the same, hoping that he would understand the contradictory actions.

Frowning at the tone, but willing to accept that he deserved it, Pepito forced himself to be patient as he explained his position. “I didn't say that I thought it was morally wrong. I just think that it was the wrong political angle. The man that died that day was happy to do so. He continually agitated and allowed himself to be taken in on purpose because what he wanted more than anything was to become a martyr. There was no way that I would have been able to convince him to give in, and he wouldn't have wanted mercy either.”

“That's sick.”

“Yes, it is. And it's just the kind of thing that Christianity encourages. He would have eventually forced my guards to kill him through repeatedly and publicly breaking laws. The coven made a mistake with giving his death the publicity that he wanted, but they weren't all in favor of that. Open disagreement is allowed. I don't demand blind obedience.”

Todd let out a deep breath, giving up on the argument that was only delaying the inevitable. Even if they never agreed about that, it wasn't going to change anything. “If I do this, if I give you my soul, what happens to me then? What would I have to do?”

“You have to renounce the Jedeo-Christian “God,” Yahweh. Then you have to swear alliance to me and my father.”

“What about afterwards?”

“Afterwards?”

“What happens then? To me...what do I have to do when I...when I...”

“You don't have to do anything after that, Amigo. My only stipulation is that you continue to be my friend. But if you want, I'm sure I could find you satisfactory employment. You'll be free to live on your own, of course, if that's what you desire. And, pending approval, you're books could be published then.”

“Pepito, I...I love you, but if you're lying to me about this...about the androids...or if I have to hurt anyone afterwards, I won't be able to forgive you for that. Ever.”

“I'm not lying, Todd. Trust me, and I'll trust you too.”

Todd nodded.

“Is that a 'yes'?”

He closed his eyes to let the word slip from his lips as if not being able to see it and Pepito's reaction would somehow soften the impact that it would have on his soul. “Yes.”