Wrath and Love

Wrath and Love: Chapter Sixteen

Pepito pulled him even closer at the affirmation, wishing that he knew how to express how much it meant to him, but knowing that words, under the circumstances, would be inadequate. He only loosened his embrace when Todd released a small squeak at its tightness. “Heh. Sorry, Amigo. Do you want to schedule a time for later this week?”

Taking a deep breath and a step back, Todd raised a brow, swallowing thickly to try and abate the stillness that was growing inside. It was too still, like the calm before the storm. “I thought we had to do it by tomorrow because of the android shipment.”

“Yes, well, I needed your answer before tomorrow, but now that I have it, I'll make the call to have the shipment halted.” He smiled. “Trust, remember?”

Todd nodded his head, forcing himself to return the small smile, and wishing that it meet his eyes. “Thank you, Pepito. I...do trust you, and I'm glad that you trust me too, but...can we do it now?”

“Now? Are you sure?”

“If we wait, I don't know if I can go through with it.”

“Very well. If you don't mind ditching the ceremony, we're going to strip the ritual down to the basics, alright?”

“A-alright.”

Pepito took Todd's right hand into his own, pulling him behind him as he left his bedroom, heading instead down the hall to his personal office. Pushing the door open, he stepped inside, feeling Todd's hand tighten its grip on his own just before he must have flipped the light switch. “Thanks.”

Releasing Pepito's hand, Todd made no reply. He waited with his own hands now clasped together in front of himself, his fingers moving rhythmically against the outside of his hands to maybe help release a tiny amount of the stress that he could already feel building up as he watched Pepito open one of the drawers that belonged to one of three metal filing cabinets behind his desk. Less than a minute passed, according to the clock on the wall that now read four o' eight in the morning, but it felt like more. Time seemed to drag itself out to torture him, to make sure that the memory of this decision would hound him with every nuance of its importance for the rest of his life. No, for the rest of eternity.

“What are you doing?” he finally asked to break the weight that the silence seemed use to press down upon him like a boulder in a medieval witch trial.

Selecting a thin paper from the folder he had been seeking, Pepito looked back up at Todd as he closed the drawer and walked back around to the front of his desk. “Getting you a contract.” He set it down on the mahogany with the words facing them. “You can look it over if you like.”

With another jittery breath, Todd stepped forward to examine the document, only slightly deterred when Pepito's arm wrapped itself around his shoulders and the other man placed a quick kiss on his cheek.

“It's a standard Initiation contract, pretty straight forward, but let me know if you have any questions.” Pepito gave Todd's shoulders a squeeze before breaking away to look through a closet that took up most of the sparse space that the small room, lined with several book shelves side-by-side, could afford it.

“S-sure.” Picking the parchment up nearly made Todd's hands tremble, but he tightened his grip, reminding himself that he had already committed himself to this course of action. There was no acceptable alternative, and stumbling half-heartedly through the whole thing wasn't going to make it any less real. He read the contract over, finding that it was indeed pretty straight forward.

The basic agreement was that he had to pledge his undying alliance to the service of the Dark Messiah, Pepito Adrian Diablo, and through him his father, along with the general movements of core Satanic principles on the Earth as well as in other realms, which he assumed referred to Heaven and Hell. Of course, in so doing he had to renounce their enemies as well.

There were three other sections. Two of them contained a paragraph or so of blank lines each where any additional terms of the respective parties could be written out. The bottom section contained two signature lines, one for the Initiate as well as one for the approving Adept, above a blank box. Despite the situation, he almost laughed at how much it resembled a field trip release form...or at least the ones that their old second grade teacher had used. “What's this box at the bottom for?”

Setting several black and red candles on the desk beside where Todd was still standing with the contract, Pepito leaded over his slouched shoulders to look at what he already knew was there. “Blood.”

“B-blood?”

He smiled. “Just a small bit from one of your fingers to seal your commitment.” As if to bring the point home, Pepito also placed a small razor blade on the desk after clearing away most of its usual, more mundane, accessories. “Are you finished with that yet, Amigo?”

“Aren't you going to fill it out?”

“Uhmm.” He pulled a custom made pen from a side drawer in the desk, taking the contact back delicately so that he could write out the details of their arrangement in big, looping, important-looking letters that were made much more carefully than those produced by his everyday handwriting.

Todd leaned over the desk, watching the process upside down with a mix of dread and awe. “Is that blood too?” He gestured to the wet, crimson ink that made the paper seem to bleed.

“Tree blood.” Pepito looked up to give him a quick, amused smile. “Resin.”

“Ah.”

“So, I've got your demand about the androids down, as well as the stipulation that you not be commanded to harm anyone. Is there anything else you'd like while I'm at it?”

“Anything...else?”

“Oh, no.” Pepito shook his head as he realized the kind of upheaval he had just invited. “Not anything else in the line of 'saving the world'. I mean for yourself.”

“Oh. Thank you, but no.”

“Really? You can't think of anything you want?”

“Not anything that would be real, really real, and not horribly wrong, if I wished for it.”

Pepito raised a brow. “Like what?”

“I said I don't want anything else.” Todd crossed his arms over his chest, not sure why Pepito was being so insistent. “Gees, Pep, you're already getting what you want. Can't we just leave it at that?”

“Yes. Of course. I just...I was just curious about what it is that you want that you think would be fictional and wrong. I apologize.”

“I only meant...things that violate other peoples' will.” Looking up to meet the other's eyes, Todd continued. “Things like wishing for parents that loved me.”

Pepito cringed, remembering the one time that he had offered Todd that very thing in high school. He had thought that he had almost had him then, but instead the night had ended in tears when he had explained the different methods by which the task could be accomplished. “Sorry, Todd.”

“It's...alright. Just don't try to tack anything else on.”

“I wouldn't do that against your wishes.” He handed the contact back to Todd with both of the terms sections filled out. “And I hope that you know by now that you're better than them, that you don't need them, spell or no spell.”

Todd only nodded again as he looked over the contact one final time, finding in all in order. He set it back on the desk. “What now?”

Standing up, Pepito pushed in his chair, arranging the candles throughout the office so that by the time he turned the overhead light off, he and Todd could both make out each other and the contract fairly clearly. It felt odd doing this with so little of the usual props, and kind of sad, but he figured that all of that might just be intimidating for someone in Todd's position anyway. If he wanted, they could always have another induction ceremony later, when he was more comfortable with the prospect. “Repeat after me, and make sure that you mean it because I can sense the truth in you heart.”

“I know.”

“I'm going to do this in my infernal form so that I can give you the mark. Do you think you can handle that?”

“Well, I certainly hope so.” Todd let out a small attempt at a laugh. “It's not like I've never seen it before, right?”

“Right. I just want to make sure you're prepared. When the process starts, there will be a tingling in the palm of your hand that will grow. It's going to feel like it's spreading through your veins throughout your body, anchoring you to me.”

Todd felt a chill run up his spine at the description, repulsed, but also strangely intrigued. “Will it be painful?”

“It shouldn't be. It's intense, but pain isn't...usual. Tell me it you feel any, alright?”

“Okay.”

“Ready?”

“As I'm gonna be.” Todd felt Pepito's left hand take his right, letting his line of vision settle on their contrasting skin as he felt a light fuzzy feeling at the place of contact that was the beginning of Pepito's infernal nature losing its restraints, coming to the surface to coexist with his usual human body. The skin on the tan hand soon became an olive green color that almost glowed in the darkness. And then it happened. Pepito's hand tightened its grasp, pressing their palms together, and he could feel the radial series of three sixes burning into his flesh. They didn't seem to be causing any physical pain, but spiritually, it felt a bit like someone had pressed a hot iron to his...his soul, he guessed.

He looked up at the sudden feeling, eyes widening at Pepito's form despite that he had seen it before. Pepito's horns had grown since the last time, now starting to double back under his ears in a spiral that would probably someday look like his father's. His skin was a deeper green that dominated his normal skin color instead of simply coexisting with it like it once had, but his eyes were the most alarming part. His irises had always been two different shades of red, but now his pupils were enormous, and such a deep and pure black that they seemed to draw all of the light in the room into themselves. The flames from the candles danced within them, making them look as if they were windows into Hell itself instead of into someone's soul. But maybe that was just the lighting.

“Todd, are you alright?” Pepito's free hand came to grasp Todd's upper arm through the fabric of a cotton night shirt, attempting to steady him.

“Y-yeah.”

“It's still just me.” Speaking in a reassuring voice that he knew probably contrasted with his appearance, Pepito took a careful step closer.

Todd forced himself to remain in place, even though a part of him wanted to flee, and another wanted to tuck himself completely into Pepito's arms in some sort of ludicrous ploy for protection from the very person who was orchestrating the situation. “I know.”

“We're going to start now, okay?”

“Yes.” Todd took a deep breath and held it, imagining, against his own desires, that he was about to take a never ending plunge into that all too infamous abyss.

“Do you promise on your eternal life to abide by the terms written within this contract?”

He was forced to release the breath when he realized that he wasn't just a spectator in the ritual. “Yes. I do.” It took another moment before he remembered what Pepito had said before about repeating him. He needed to calm down. Anxiety seemed to effect his thinking process, usually speeding it up to an indiscernible rate, but sometimes slowing it down instead. “Oh. I promise on my eternal life to abide by the terms written within this contract.”

“That's right.” Pepito nodded, relaxing more himself now that Todd seemed to be getting a grasp on himself and the situation. His hand moved up and down on the other's arm in hopes of offering some extra comfort. “Do you swear to serve the purposes of the Dark Messiah and the Lord Satan in both life and death?”

“I s-swear. I swear to serve your purposes...uh, the purposes of the Dark Messiah and the Lord Satan in both life and death.” Todd was forced to close his eyes for a moment as the burning feeling in his hand did actually feel like it had somehow latched onto the veins inside his arm. With every confirmation, it moved further into his body, but it wasn't completely bad. It reminded him of the chemicals that he had been forced to ingest before the MRI that time that the doctors had thought he had cancer, too warm and unnerving to be comfortable, but just a notch or so before registering as actual pain.

“Do you promise to be true to the inner teachings of Satanism, and to the voice of Satan within yourself, within us all?”

“Uh, Pepito, I don't really know what that means....”

“Oh, the inner voice?”

He nodded.

“Original sin, basically. The search for knowledge and truth, the rage against blind dogma.”

“Oh. That's...not so bad, I guess.” He cleared his throat when Pepito gave him an amused look before finally repeating the statement as best he could, pausing for another beat as the heat moved again. Pepito waited too, and Todd guessed that he could tell when it was okay to ask another question. He wondered what it felt like from the other end.

“And do you reject as false the 'one true God' of the Hebrews, he who calls himself Yahweh or 'I am'?”

“I...I reject as false the God of the Hebrews, he who calls himself Yahweh.”

“Do you deny his son, Jesus Christ, that charlatan whose vile words have poisoned this world with weakness for over two thousand years?”

A tear rolled down Todd cheek as he looked back and forth between Pepito and the burgundy rug on the floor of the office. It was easier to reject the older form of God, because, as he had told Pepito all those months ago, that God...well, he hadn't been very nice. “I deny Jesus Christ as my personal God and savior. Is that okay? You said you'd know if I lied, right? I think that, if I say it the way you said it....”

“Sure, Amigo. I suppose, under the circumstances that's...adequate.” Actually, in Todd's case, that was probably more than adequate. Pepito wasn't necessarily trying to engender the wrath needed for a Satanic warrior in this instance. No, he just wanted Todd to be safely on his side, and, if he could help it, out of any line of fire when the time came. “Now, just one more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“The Holy Spirit.”

“What?”

“I need you to reject it too, to deny its presence within the world and yourself.”

“But...Pep...that's...that's everything.”

“Everything that ties you to Christianity, yes.”

Todd shook his head, feeling Pepito's grip tighten more as his body began to tremble against his will. “Not just Christianity. Everything.”

“What? Don't be ridiculous. The Holy Spirit exists only within the demented and impoverished minds of those who choose to believe that their behavior is constantly monitored by the giant eye in the sky that is just waiting to punish their every natural inclination.”

“That's not...not what...oh, God...” Pepito didn't understand! But why would he? But Todd couldn't do that! He just couldn't. It was bigger, so much bigger. And he had never realized just how much bigger himself. But it was everything, the trees, the sky, the stars, the people. It was himself and even Pepito too, and that seemed to be a contradiction.

“Todd. Todd! Snap out of it!” Pepito was forced to move with Todd when he fell back against the wall rather than break the link between them. The other man's eyes weren't focused, and he could feel his pulse sky rocketing where their wrists were pressed together. Finally, he slapped him, lightly the first time and then a little harder, which seemed to help because their eyes meet again. “Calm down, please.”

Forcing himself to take slow, deep breaths, Todd whispered his words out between them, certain that Pepito would hear because their faces were currently so very close. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just...I don't...I don't think I can.”

“Shhh,” Pepito soothed, “You can, Amigo. You just need to relax and realize that what I'm telling you is the truth. You're almost there. You said you trusted me too, remember.”

Todd nodded.

“Then just say it, say that you reject it. Come on, Todd, just one word.”

Todd looked back up at him with watery eyes. “The Holy Spirit, like you said, of the Christian God?”

“That's right, Squee.” Pepito petted Todd's hair, tucking the dark brown strands behind his ear, where they barely reached at the current length. “Do you reject the Holy Spirit and its infringement into your life and personal decisions?”

“Y-yes. Yes.” The words were the lowest, most broken that he had spoken yet, but Pepito must have heard and accepted them because he felt another, stronger wave of the heat. This time it felt like his entire being was awash with it. The beating of his heart felt synchronized with Pepito's, even after most of the heat had left when their hands were finally separated, and he allowed the pulsing rhythm to pacify him as much as it could. “Is it over?”

“Almost.” Pepito kissed Todd's forehead gently before helping him to stand instead of lean against the wall. He pulled him back over to the desk, handing him the pen that he had used earlier. “Now comes the easy part.”

Todd's lips formed a half smile. Pepito was right. Signing a piece of paper was easy after what he had just done. He could only hope that it was as binding as the spoken promises because it was what contained his own terms of the agreement. He sighed his full name, setting the pen aside for the razor blade afterward, only to have Pepito take it from him.

“Give me your hand, please.” Pepito held out his own to take it, stroking the fresh mark in the palm a few times to watch Todd squirm at the feeling. Then he steadied the hand and made a shallow cut down the tip of the thumb, squeezing it a little so that several drops of blood came to the surface. “Now, you just need to press your finger to the box on the contract to leave a print.”

Todd did as he was told, stepping back to stare at the bloody imprint in the candle light as Pepito tossed the razor into a wast basket and then signed the contract himself. It was done. Completely, utterly, irrevocably done. He had sold his soul.

“Don't be sad, Amigo.” Pepito draped his arm around the other's shoulders again, this time facing him. “I know it may not feel like it right now, but everything is going to be okay.”

“I'll try.” Todd looked down for a moment as the words passed through his lips, but the feeling of a warm, wet tongue slowly licking the remaining blood from his finger had his head shooting back up to meet Pepito's gaze. Once they had eye contact, the finger was slipped into Pepito's mouth, where it was given a few good sucks before being removed. “P-pepito, what are you doing?”

“I know, I know, think of the germs, right?” Pepito laughed, taking the blush that was barely visible in the candle light as a good sign. Todd wasn't too wrapped up in misery to be affected by anything else, at least.

“Y-yes! And...and the creepiness!” He looked around. “Oh, wait. Have we surpassed that?”

“Maybe. But you don't need to worry.” Pepito ran his own finger over the cleaned cut, healing the small wound, and then releasing the hand for Todd's inspection.

“Gah! Now your germs are just sealed up in my blood stream!” That statement reminded him of the heat that was now in his soul, which was making all of his germ arguments weak at best, but he was still thankful for the distraction.

Laughing genuinely now, Pepito took the contract and slipped it into a plastic sleeve. He sealed it air tight before putting it back into a different drawer and locking it up. When he made his way back to Todd he took his hand again, willing away the light of the candles to leave them in darkness as he concealed his infernal form once again. Finally, he opened the door. “Come on, Amigo. Let's go sleep all day.”

“Okay. Pepito?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you...have any sleeping pills?”

“Yes.”

“Could I-”

“Of course.”

Pepito led Todd back into his bed room, pulling down the covers on the other side of the bed and actually tucking him in. He handed him Shmee before he left to get water and the pills. He hadn't asked if Todd wanted to sleep with him, and the other hadn't seemed too offended by the treatment. Pepito wasn't surprised, when he finally laid down his head, that Todd scooted closer, wrapping an arm around him for security. When they were younger, Todd had often needed this sort of “parent replacement therapy”, as he had come to think of it, after something traumatic had happened. He realized as he returned the embrace that even after all those years, it was still an assumption that they both made.

It would have made him happy if it hadn't meant that Todd was upset, and that he had been the cause of it.