Wrath and Love

Wrath and Love: Chapter Seventeen


Todd took a deep breath as a strong wind whipped his hair back and across his face. He almost wished that it was still winter so that same breeze could chill him to the bone the way it had a month ago, just so he could feel something other than the alternating moods that had been occupying him ever since he had sold his soul to the Devil's son. The April wind didn't quite do the trick, and the numbness, which was possibly the worst of the feelings, persisted even as he stood atop the building overlooking both the city and the park.

Most of the citizens were still going about their business as usual, though there was now a noticeable lessening of the number of androids, most of whose presence was only indicated by the collars they wore to make their status as non-people obvious, in the mix. He forced a small smile.

As Pepito had predicted, the still-ongoing investigation had indeed caused an uproar amongst citizens and Satanists alike. He had heard that even the underground, made up mostly of illegal non-citizens of Christian ilk, had found a way to turn the decision against Pepito, saying that it was the beginning of a world in which human dignity was stripped away completely; made meaningless by the potential recognition of machines as people. It reminded him sickeningly of similar arguments put forth by similar people in the past against other groups of humans, and the fact that both groups of conflicting people seemed to agree that the androids merited no rights and had no souls reinforced the numbness.

He sighed, walking to the ledge of the building, speaking softly into the wind. “Maybe the choice was always meaningless...just like my life.”

“So what, you're going to jump now?”

At the unexpected sound, he almost did, though not on purpose. Catching his breath, he spun around to see Marla standing mere feet behind him.

She smirked at his surprise, crossing her arms over her chest. “I doubt it would do you much good, especially now.”

“Uh, hi, Marla. I, uh, wasn't really going to.” Todd swallowed a little harder than he meant to when her eyes narrowed at him. “Are you...mad at me or something?” The two of them hadn't spoken very much since his initiation, and even then Marla's words of congratulations had been short and forced.

“Mad? No. Why would I be mad?”

“I don't know, but you seem mad, and I...I don't...oh.”

She raised a light brown brow. “Oh, what?”

“Is it because I'm living with Pepito? Because it's really not like that. We just-”

“Oh, please. Just stop. I don't care!”

“O-oh.”

“Seriously, you think I'm jealous?”

“Well...back in California you two seemed to be really...intimate and you requested to be relocated here after his birthday, so I just thought-”

“I am not jealous, Todd!” Marla took a step closer, the wind blowing her hair back to make her look even more menacing. “You got that?”

“Y-yes. Okay. Whatever you say.” He fought the urge to back up, even when she was in striking distance. She had been right, after all. Dying, even on accident, wouldn't change his situation too much at this point.

“Good. Because I don't care if he's fucking your righteous little brains out anymore. He owns your soul now, so you might as well do it if it's what you want. It's not like we can get any more damned than we already are.” She turned on the heel of her boots to storm back into the building the way she had come, leaving him alone once again. Alone and confused. Very, very confused.

At least the immense confusion broke through the mental fog to make him feel something. Part of him wanted to go after her, to question her, but for now he decided to take the cautious path and head back to the apartment. He waited a good five minutes to make sure that she wasn't lurking it the stairwell before starting the trek back, replaying her harsh words in his mind.

He could honestly say that he had no idea what that outburst had been about. Until the last bit, he had been pretty sure that she was, in fact, jealous, but then why was she upset about Todd's soul and Todd's sex life, or lack there of as the case happened to be, instead of Pepito's? And besides that, everyone who knew him even fairly well knew that Pepito slept around with whomever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He had been like that at least since high school, and, as he had told Todd quite a few times before, if he ever got around to actually getting married, it would probably be to multiple spouses. Of course, that kind of thing was apparently normal in Hell.

Todd scratched his head as he let himself back into the apartment, wishing that Edgar was still around so that he could talk to him about this new weirdness. He frowned. Even if Edgar was still there, he doubted that the man would have any words to spare for him. He would never forget the look on his face when he had found out that Todd had actually gone through with selling his soul. Rosemary's reaction had been much the same, with the addition of tears and a jittery, forced hug. He could tell, even then, that it was a goodbye hug. She had actually slapped Pepito in front of at least five coven members before leaving, and as far as he knew, mother and son hadn't spoken since.

His own tears made his eyes watery as he made his way into the kitchen to make a quick sandwich so that Pepito wouldn't lecture him about healthy eating when he returned from work. He wiped them away forcefully, placing a tomato on a cutting board and reaching for a large knife that reminded him of his old childhood neighbor.

Pepito had assured him that it wasn't his fault; that Rosemary would come around eventually, like always, but Todd had his doubts. Pepito must not have noticed how worn she had begun to look after the execution on his birthday, how she had spent almost all of her time in New York with Edgar and himself instead of her own son. And now he was lost to her too, and maybe that was the last straw.

Shit. Now he was depressed again. It wasn't as bad as the numbness; at least he felt something, but it was so...hopeless. There was no way out of what he had done, and he hadn't even managed to hurt only himself like he had thought either.

He abandoned the tomato to wipe away more tears, then turned away from it in disgust with himself. Leaning against the counter, he let himself slide down to sit upon the floor. This was where he belonged. Bringing both hands up to hold his head, he noticed that he was still holding the knife and absently brushed it sideways across the khakis he was wearing to clean it of juice and seeds. He maintained the motion even after the blade was clean, snagging a few treads that left small holes in the fabric. It didn't matter.

It didn't matter when the fabric tore, or when he turned the knife around to saw a long slit into the pants. It didn't matter when he eventually started to cut into flesh and the blood turned the edge of the slit a light red. Actually, that part was kind of nice, the way it overrode the numbness and the sadness. For a few glorious seconds each time the knife went in to his skin, there as only the physical sensation of pain. Compared to the mental pain, it was Heaven...or as close as he was ever going to get at this point.


Pepito's lips curved into a slight smile when he discovered that the door to his apartment was already unlocked. Todd might have been a moopy, self-adsorbed, irritable mess for the last couple weeks, but at least he was finally starting to get over his fear of living in a coven house full of Satanists now, which was good because he practically was one. He smile grew. Even though he had no shortage of things to worry about, even though his mother still wouldn't return his phone calls, one of his biggest fears had been eliminated, and that was worth celebrating.

“Hey, Todd!” he began as he closed the door, “I picked up some box tickets to a new play that I think you'll like! It's supposed to be a western-style space opera with a-” His voice died when he reached the kitchen, and his leather satchel fell to the floor. Todd was braced against the counter, sitting in a small puddle of blood, his lap covered with an equally bloody, torn pair of pants that seemed to have started out on his body at one point. “What-the-fucking-hell-happened here?”

Todd made a squeaking noise, pulling the pants closer to his body. He would have made a run for it when he heard Pepito yell his name, but in this end of the apartment there was no where to go. “Ummm...n-not much...I just...uh-”

“You just what, Todd?” Pepito forced himself to breath deeply as he took cautious steps toward his friend before finally going down to his level. Todd was looking down now, not meeting his gaze. He made a futile effort to hold on to the stained pants with one hand when Pepito pulled them away to reveal boxers that were also stained red and several cuts, some deep, crisscrossing up and down his upper legs and probably the thighs that he couldn't see as well.

“Fuck.” Pepito let out a harsh sigh, just as angry with himself for not having seen the signs that it was getting this bad as he was at Todd for doing it. “Todd, look at me.” He reached out to lift his chin to insure compliance, not surprised at all to see the tears running down the other's face. “What's behind your back?”

Slowly, Todd brought the knife from behind him where he had stupidly been keeping it out of sight for the past few minutes as if Pepito wouldn't have been able to figure out what had gone on. He let him take it easily, thinking that maybe the lost blood was making him light-headed. Somehow everything was suddenly just a little too hilarious...in a fatalistic sort of way.

Examining the blade with a disapproving glance, Pepito tossed it into the sink to his right before turning back to Todd. “You know, using a kitchen knife is really dangerous. You could get a staph infection.” His eyes narrowed when the other laughed through his tears. “This isn't funny.”

“Yeah, it kind of is. I thought I was the one that obsessed with infections and germs.”

“Apparently not if you're willing to do something like this.” Pepito rolled is eyes, scooting closer and summoning a roll of paper towels to wrap around the cuts. “I thought you agreed to stop doing this a long time ago.”

“Heheh. Oh yeah, I guess it just slipped-ow!” He looked down at the source of the pain, where Pepito had pressed the paper towel onto one of the cuts just a little too hard.

“I said it's not funny.”

“Sorry.”

“That's better. Come here.” Pulling a cloth towel down from the stove, Pepito placed it under the bottom of Todd's legs, warping the ends over the already covered cuts before lifting him and heading for the bathroom, where he deposited him in the double whirlpool tub. Next he rounded up a bottle of alcohol, more towels, a clean rag and some bandages. Kicking off his shoes, he stepped in himself, sitting Indian style in front of the other to peel off the paper towels and chuck them into a near by trash can. “When I said that no one would harm you again, I didn't think that it would need to include yourself.”

“I don't think I'm really harmed. Aren't you the one that was always going on about the difference between hurting and harming someone? I think it had something to do with your sexual practices and how pain and pleasure are related.”

Pepito looked up at him in exasperation from the now uncovered cuts. “So you're saying that you like this? It feels good?”

“Ha. Maybe, Pepi. Why-ouch! Jerk.”

“I thought you liked it.”

“Not when you twist like that!”

“Ah, I see.” Pepito nodded just as sarcastically as Todd earlier words. His hand smacked the side of the nearest leg, far enough from any cuts that it should have only produced a slight singing. “So, you want me to get the knife again? Or maybe a razer blade?”

Crossing his arms over his chest indignantly, Todd was tempted to tell him to go ahead, but in the back of his mind he knew it was probably not the best idea. His old best friend wouldn't have called that kind of bluff, but this Pepito just might.

“Well? Amigo? I'm waiting.”

Todd's eyes widened as one of Pepito's fingers slowly made its way down one of the cuts on his leg. The sensation was so light that it barely hurt the first time, but the second time there was more pressure, and he slapped it away quickly. “Stop it!”

“Is that a 'no'?”

“Yes! That's a big no!”

“You sure?”

“You could see it from space, okay!”

Pepito snorted. “Okay.”

“God, you're infuriating.”

“Isn't he though.”

Todd shook his head. “I was talking about you.”

“Aww. Todd, you don't have to call me God just because I am yours now.”

“Arg!" Todd threw his hands into the air. "Why are you being so mean!”

“Because you're irritating the hell out of me!" Catching the still fidgeting hands, Pepito pulled them back down, holding them over Todd's lap until he was fairly certain they would stay there. "Why are you being such a sarcastic, quarrelsome little bitch?”

“Because I!" Todd suddenly looked down. "...I don't really know.”

“Well, could you knock it off? Because I will if you will.”

“I'll try.”

“Thank you. Hold still.”

“Owww! I thought you said you'd stop!”

“It's alcohol, Todd. It's going to hurt. You're right though; this is kind of fun for me.” He smirked at the other's expression.

“That figures. Hurry up and get it over with.” Todd sighed when Pepito showed no signs of acquiescing his request. “Please.”

“Very well.” Turning the bottle upside down, Pepito poured the remaining contents of the bottle across Todd's legs, boxers and all, in one go. “Better?”

Releasing his lower lip from the grip that his teeth still wished to maintain, Todd grit out a reluctant “yes”.

“Good.” Pepito shuffled even closer. “Now lean back and relax. I'm going to heal as much as I can of this, but some of it might have to be bandaged.”

“But-”

“Nope. Don't even start to argue with me about this. If you won't let me heal it, then I'll buy you some short shorts so you can show it off. And they won't be optional, of course.”

Todd felt his mouth drop open, but nothing came out. That...was not a good prospect. He sent Pepito a quick glare to make sure that he knew that his latest threat wasn't appreciated before complying with the apparent order. He leaned back against the cool wall of the large tub, letting his eyes close as he felt Pepito's hands applying some kind of cold, creamy substance to his legs. “Being a follower sucks.”

“Quiet you.”

“See. You could have told me it was going to be like this.”

“Why are you still talking?”

“Because I'm bad at it; being a follower.”

“I know. That's one of the reasons I like you.” Silence. “By 'like this' you mean me telling you what to do? Is it usually like this, Todd? Because as far as I can tell, you're the one forcing it to be this way. I don't know why you're being so immature when you could just tell me what the fucking problem is.”

“I don't think you'd understand. I don't think anyone would understand anymore.” Cringing when his voice broke toward the end, Todd hide his face behind both hands, breathing slowly in hopes that he wouldn't break down and actually cry...again. He felt the hands on his legs slow down, and cleared his throat so that he could say something, anything else, before Pepito did. “What's that cold stuff?”

“Huh?” Pepito looked down at what he was doing. “Oh, just antibacterial cream. It softens the friction...you know, so it doesn't hurt as much when I touch the cuts.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“You're welcome. Now, seriously, be quiet so I can focus. I haven't had a lot of practice at this for a while.” When Todd didn't make any reply, Pepito closed his own eyes and went back to work, relieved that he could already feel the magic starting to work. It was actually a pretty simple thing to heal this kind of damage, but with a certain someone purposefully pushing his buttons it wasn't so easy to get the process started.

Todd kept his face behind his hands, not only because in minimized his ability to talk, but because the situation was ridiculously award. After the initial coldness went away, Pepito's hands started to warm, making his legs feel tingly. It was sort of comforting, soothing, and sometimes it tickled in a way that didn't exactly make him want it to stop. He could see now why Pepito had deemed it best to knock him out last time, and he also started to worry that maybe he had lied to Marla a bit earlier.

It wasn't as if Pepito had never healed him before. It had happened not infrequently in middle and high school, but the injuries were usually in less...embarrassing places. But Todd didn't think that it was just placement really. There was something else too; another feeling that he couldn't seem to shake lately. He wasn't sure if it was a result of the selling of his soul, or of his being isolated here for so long or something else entirely, but being around Pepito seemed to drive away the numbness and depression, at least for the most part, even if they were fighting.

He bit his lip when the hands slid under the edges of his boxers, running up to heal the cuts under them. Small bouts of laughter escaped him as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks, and he felt his breathing pick up against his will.

“Todd? Are you okay?” One of Pepito's hands left a thigh to gently pull one of Todd's hands from his face, which was revealed to be red and wet. It was hard to tell if he was laughing or crying, but given his past.... “Do you want me to stop?”

Todd shook his head, wiping his face yet again with the back of his free hand. “No, it's alright. Just hurry, please. It's not...I know it's not...I'm not afraid.” That wasn't entirely true. The scary part was that he knew that what he was afraid of wasn't what either of them would have expected. He was afraid because this didn't brother him in the most amazing, terrifying way. Luckily there weren't as many cuts on his thighs as there had been on the rest of his legs, so the process went by fairly swiftly, allowing him to breath properly once again.

“Okay,” Pepito said, rubbing the remaining cream form his hands onto his own pants, which had already acquired a few blood stains when he had carried Todd to the bathroom, “you're all better now.”

“Great.” Todd braced both hands on the sides of the tub behind him, but he had barely lifted himself out when Pepito latched onto one of his legs, pulling him back down easily. “Hey! What now?”

“Now, Amigo, you could really use a bath.” He laughed at the expected glare, taking the few seconds before he knew the retort would come to toss out all the extra materials that were still in the tub.

“Oh, thanks a lot. I didn't realized that joining your side meant that I needed to look pretty for you every day.”

Pepito smiled as he climbed to his feet, stepping out of the tub to turn on the water. “That's because you didn't read the fine print, which stated that you were actually joining the harem and not the coven specifically.” He relished the deadpan look.

“You know I read the whole thing.” Todd paused to cringe at the cold water that was pooling around his lower body. “Do you really have a harem?”

“No. Not officially. Do you think I need one?”

“...I'm not answering that.”

“I'll take that as a 'yes'.”

“You're an idiot,” Todd mumbled to himself.

“What?”

“I said you're amazing. Could you get me some soap?”

“...sure.” Pepito eyed him suspiciously before heading back to the bathroom closet to gather more supplies. He came back with an arm full, setting it all on the side of the tub before stripping down to his own boxers.

Todd blinked at him. “What are you doing now?”

“I'm taking a bath as well, since I'm now covered in your blood, and I'm going to have to stay and watch you anyway.”

“Pepito, it's not like going to drown if you leave me alone for an hour.”

“Uhuh.”

“I'm not!”

“Actually, you're pretty loopy right now, Todd. I think you might need more blood soon.”

“I don't want more blood! It's everywhere as it is!”

“You see, that...was what I'm talking about. I meant in your body.” Pepito shook his head as he stepped back into the tub, taking a seat in the now warm water with his boxers still on. “Take off your shirt and I'll add bubbles.”

Todd tilted his head to the side to give Pepito an appropriately freaked out look. “Pep, sometimes I think you take the parent replacement therapy too seriously.”

Pepito let out a deep breath. “Maybe, but if you get that shirt wet, you're washing it. I don't have a maid anymore, and Tess really shouldn't have to do this kind of laundry...or any laundry. It's kind of rude, you know. And I thought the bubbles might make it easier for you.”

“Fine, fine!” Todd jerked the shirt over his head, throwing it over the edge, and wishing that the quick movements hadn't made his head swim. Pepito was probably right about him needing a transfusion.“It's gone.”

After pouring a liberal amount of bubble formula into the rising water, Pepito handed Todd the bar of soap and another clean rag, procuring the shampoo for himself. “I learned something today that might make you a little less...how you've been.”

Laughing a little bitterly, Todd fumbled with the bar of soap until it was finally lost in the huge tub. At least his rag was already soapy enough. “That this whole taking over the world thing is completely overrated?”

“Nooo. Remember those prisoners that my guards captured from the camp breakout? The ones you know?”

“Yes.” Todd froze mid scrub. “And this...is good news?”

“Well, to you, I'm sure. They escaped a few days ago from the compound here in New York, all three of them. Someone on the inside must have helped them get away, but none of the staff has disappeared...yet.”

“Really!” He couldn't hold back a small smile. “I mean, uh, I don't know anything about that.”

“I know. I just thought...it might make you happy to know. We're not pursuing them, so unless they're stupid, they'll probably get away.”

“I...Thank you, Pepito. Really.”

“I didn't let them go.”

“I know, but still. Thanks for not chasing them. And you know...for not killing them earlier.”

“Did you know that the woman is pregnant?”

“No. Wow.” Todd looked down into the soapy water. It had to be hard, being on the run in such a condition...and then when it was born.

Pepito nodded. “It's not yours, is it?”

“What?” Todd's head shot back up. “No! God, no.”

“I didn't mean it as an offense. There's nothing wrong with-”

“I know! But it's not mine, okay?”

“Okay.” Pepito put both hands up in his own defense. “I was just asking.”

“Yeah, I bet you were.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“How long have you known she was pregnant, Pepito? What would you have done if it was my child? Use it as leverage so I'd give you my soul if your other plans failed?”

“Dammit, Todd! I'm trying to be nice here!”

“You didn't answer the question.” Todd crossed his arms again, holding the rag tightly in one hand.

“No! I don't know, alright! I honestly, sincerely don't know. That was never part of my plan, but...if it was your, I wouldn't hurt it, alright?”

“If you say so, Pepito.”

“Well, I do say so. What, you don't believe me?”

“No, I believe you. But that doesn't mean you wouldn't find a way to blackmail me with it. Or at least raise it as a Satanist so it could grow up to be just as...”

“Just as what, Todd?”

“Nothing.”

“No, what? Say it.”

Todd shook his head, letting it fall forward afterward. “I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, Pepi. It's just that I feel so...off...all the time now, and I don't...I don't...”

“It's alright, Todd. Come here.” When he didn't move, Pepito scooted closed once again, pulling him into a loose hug, despite the fact that he felt at his wits end. “I'm going to take you to the medical center after this, and we'll get that checked too, okay?”

Todd nodded. “I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I think you're a lot more patient now than you were a few months ago.”

“That does help.” Pepito smiled sadly as he shampooed Todd's hair, which had been badly in need of a good washing, spiking it up into a troll-like style that did actually improve his mood a bit.