Betty went out into the night, pleased that Peter had called her, and feeling happy that she had snubbed Reggie again. She'd given him Ethel’s number but hadn't really
expected him to call.
“I want to hang out with you tonight. Can you come over to my house?,” he asked her as he gave her directions.
Betty wondered if she was going to sleep with him.
Why did I sleep with Archie? She remembered with sentimental feelings the old crush she had on him, but now what she had been thinking was growing even fuzzier and
fuzzier by the day, not that it had ever been clear. She had been drunk and she just wanted to fuck him, like he was a girl and she was a guy. She was extremely aroused at
the thought of how much it would hurt Reggie, if he knew about it. It had been wonderful though, physically, and the fact that it wasn't Reggie added a whole new dimension.
A whole new world opened up to her. But it wasn't as if she had used Archie. She knew he had gotten what he wanted.
Maybe we had used each other? But I didn't use him,
she thought.
Just because we did it didn't mean I used him. It just happened, she thought,
we both got pleasure out of it, and that's that. She pushed away any guilty feelings,
telling herself,
People had casual sex all the time, so why shouldn't I? Why should I have to deal with love all the time? I just need a good fuck buddy. Sex was a natural thing, and humans were animals, and animals did each other all the time without dealing with love.
Betty decided to she would fuck for fun, not just for love. She felt so free; now that she was "single" she felt like she had been released from something, something which
she kept telling herself was false and detrimental to her well-being.
***
After several dates, Betty was happy to see that Peter was very different from Reggie. And he liked her too. She hadn't ever pictured herself going out with someone like him
before. He was popular at his school, she knew, but he wasn't into sports or really ambitious and motivated like Reggie. Also, Peter hadn't even made an attempt to keep
Reggie away from her. At first she was sort of annoyed that he didn't seem to care, but then she was happy about it. After all,
Do I want a guy who was so hot-tempered that he flew off the handle at every little thing? Of course not. If Reggie saw them together, Peter would move away, and Betty was left to deal with Reggie on her own. After Reggie
finally left, Peter would take her hand, and off they went, as if nothing happened. Peter’s friends were pretty nice, but Betty felt as if she didn't fit in and they knew she didn't. He
mentioned that he was going to a show that weekend, and she wondered if she was invited. She'd have to get something to wear of course, so she didn't look like a dork up
in the city. She mentioned it when she showed up at his house. There were a few other people there, and he just shrugged. “We’re not sure what we’re going to do yet.” His
friends looked over at her, and she felt stupid, as if it was obvious that they never planned things in advance. She thought about it, and decided that was the right attitude to
have.
After all, spontaneity was fun, planning was anal. Relax, Betty, she told herself. They passed around a joint, which she smoked for the first time in her life and she did
relax.
How long have I been going out with Peter? A month? Two? She couldn't remember.
But am I really going out with him? She knew she'd look like a fool if she asked
him what her status was. He hadn’t asked her to be his girlfriend and she hadn't slept with him, although she almost had. They had made out more than a few times. To be
honest, he didn't seem all that interested in her. It hurt deep down, but she knew that maybe that was just his way, to act cool about everything, even love.
Love? Echh, love was crap. Probably she couldn't ever experience love again. She wondered if what she had experienced with Reggie had been love.
Really, she thought,
anybody can be with anybody else, it's just natural that it becomes sexual. She felt guilty about how behind she was getting in her school work. Her parents were on her about it all of the time. She just
didn't care about anything anymore, but there was a huge part of her that wanted to scream non-stop.
Why haven't I slept with Peter yet? Probably the timing had always been
wrong, they were always being interrupted. But there was a party that Friday night at his friend's house. Then he would probably realize how much she meant to him then.
I want him, she thought, closing her eyes. She tried to imagine sex with him, and planned on doing it with him Friday. *** Peter and his friends picked her up that Friday
evening, and they all started to drink as soon as they got to his friend’s house. Peter had gotten three kegs of beer, plus hard alcohol. Betty kept getting separated from him;
every time she turned around he was gone. But when she did see him, she tried kissing him. She was very drunk and he acted annoyed, and was not nearly as drunk as
she was.
“Sit down and chill Betty.” She pouted, but he didn't notice. She felt stupid; pouting was something she would do with Reggie, kidding with him to get her way and it had
worked.
Then she was annoyed at Peter, thinking,
What a fool he was to tell me to sit down when he could get laid instead. She felt numb as she sat on the couch by herself.
She stared at nothing for a long while. Finally Betty forced herself to get up and find him.
Where was he? She looked for him everywhere, asking everyone she saw if they had
seen him. Most of them had no idea who Peter was, but finally she found his friend Kevin. She grabbed Kevin’s arm, trying to flirt though too drunk to really do anything right.
"Where is he?" she demanded.
"Where's who?" he asked, annoyed.
"Peter,"
He looked amused.
"Oh, he's got some girl in my bedroom."
She was stunned, standing there like a rock.
"What?" she said. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, he's got some girl in there! I don't know who she is. He's probably fucking her, who knows or cares."
She stared at his chin, unblinking.
"What, what's your problem, girl? Oh, I know, you're drunk on your ass, that's what your problem is."
She shook her head. "No I’m not drunk. Can you take me home, please? I wanna go home."
"What? I ain't fuckin' taking you home! Forget it."
She still stood there in front of him, staring and fighting back tears.
"What? Oh I get it. You like Peter?"
She looked him in the eyes, feeling like the biggest fool on the planet. "No," she denied.
"Ha ha, yes you do!" he laughed. "You like him! Well, I don't think he cares much about Hillary or whatever her name is, so if he's not too drunk you can be next!"
"Fuck you," she muttered, walking away. She wanted to go home, but didn't even know where she was, and had no money for a cab. She sat back on the couch, determined
not to cry as someone gave her another beer.
***
"What's up?" asked Chuck calling Reggie.
"Nuthin'," said Reggie.
"Let's go out. There's a party tonight."
"Oh yeah? Oh. I don't know..."
"Come on! It'll be fun! It'll get your mind off Betty. It's supposed to be really good."
Reggie sighed. "All right." So they went, finally. It took them forever to find out where it was. But finally they arrived, at half past eleven. It was a huge gathering, and a lot of
people they didn't know were there.
But there were some people who Reggie knew. Like Betty. But Betty didn't see him. She couldn't see him because she was passed out
on a couch. She was by herself, cuddled up in the corner of the couch. Her hair was braided, but he recognized her instantly. She still looked beautiful.
What should I do? He
wasn't going to leave just because she was there. He looked around though, trying to find out who she was with. He wondered if she was there with Peter, but he didn’t see
anyone he recognized. He looked around but he didn't see any stray guys who seemed to be paying any attention to Betty. Reggie kept an eye on her for a couple of hours.
She didn't wake up, and nobody went over to see about her either. He wondered if she came by herself. He hadn't seen her car though, and they walked past a whole slew of
cars. Then he saw a guy sit down next to her, looking at her intently. The guy reached out and touched one of her braids. Reggie walked over immediately, wanting to see if it
was Peter or not. He wanted to see what type of guy Betty was with . The guy looked up and saw Reggie coming towards him with a menacing look on his face. He dropped
her braid and inched away from her huddled figure.
"Oh, sorry. Is she with you?" he asked Reggie guiltily.
Reggie shook his head. "No. You don't know who she's with?" He shrugged, shaking his head.
Some girl who was sitting in a nearby chair spoke up. "She was with Peter, but he left a while ago..."
"He left?" Reggie asked her. "Is he coming back?"
"Uh, I don't think so. Why?"
"Well, he left her here... What a nice guy. Something could happen to her!" The girl shrugged.
"I don't know." Reggie looked down at Betty, sleeping. He leaned down and shook her.
"Betty, Betty wake up..." She opened one eye finally, then closed it, turning away from him.
"Betty, how are you getting home?"
"This is my home," she mumbled. She passed back out.
"Reggie, what are you doing, man?" Chuck asked, exasperated when he saw Reggie bending over Betty.
"Dude, whoever she was with just left her here!" "Don't worry about it Reggie! You can't follow her around the rest of her life! Just leave her alone!"
"I can't! I'm not following her around! I didn't know she was gonna be here! Listen, I gotta take her home. Look at her. She might wake up and try to drive for all I know. And no
one's gonna try to stop her."
Chuck sighed. "Whatever. You know you're never gonna get over her if you keep obsessing about her. Next time we go somewhere and she's there passed out we're leaving
her there, okay? She's the one who chooses to get fucked up in the first place. Besides, she's not your girlfriend anymore. Look at all these fine chicks in here. They want you
man."
"Fine, I know she’s not my girlfriend. I just need some time, okay?" Reggie snapped, hurt by his friend’s words. "But tonight I'm gonna make sure she gets home
safely. I'll come back for you later."
"No. Don't worry about it," Chuck sighed. "I'll get a ride home. But," he told him seriously. "I'm serious, you gotta be careful. If she wakes up for a second and says she loves
you and you believe it, it's gonna really hurt tomorrow when she doesn't remember anything about tonight, got it?"
"Yeah, I got it," Reggie said. He carried her carefully out to his car, putting her in the passenger seat without her waking up. He looked over at her from the driver's side. She'd
been there so many times before.
But that doesn't matter now, he thought
. She just has to get home okay tonight. He drove towards her house in silence, keeping the radio
off so as not to wake her up. It was weird turning onto her street, and getting out of the car to open the door. It felt weird, but he felt important, knowing he had a reason to be
there. He knew where the spare house key was kept and opened the door. He carried her into her room quietly, secretly hoping she would wake up and be glad to see him.
He laid her down on the bed. He noticed his physics notebook on her desk, open. She must have used his notes to study from. He tried to feel angry, but couldn't, smiling
instead as he thought of how much she struggled with physics. He needed the book though. This would save him the pain of getting it from her in person. A few weeks ago
he would have been glad for an opportunity to go see her, hoping she would finally forgive him. But now he knew it wasn't going to ever happen. He looked back down at her
. Should I undress her? He stared at her.
Nah, I better not.
She’d be pissed if she ever found out, and maybe wonder what else I did to her. So he just took her shoes off, and
covered her up with the blanket. He longed to climb into to bed next to her, kiss her goodnight, and switch off the lamp like he used to. He sank down onto his knees, looking
at her sleeping form. He touched her hair, loving the feel of the silky braids.
"I'm so sorry I let you down Betty. I love you so much, babe." he whispered.
She didn't wake up. He left.
