Prancing Pervert Pants-Free

Prancing Pervert Pants-Free

Chapter 2

Peter didn’t even open his eyes as he chucked his screaming alarm clock at the wall. The alarming lack of a connecting sound had them cracking open however. Crap, the window was open. He stumbled over to the tune of pissed off New Yorkers yelling at his window.

“Sorry!” He directed down in a general apology.

Dead silence was not what he expected, nor was laughter.

“Hey, look!” He heard someone yell. “He thinks he’s Spiderman!”

That more than anything else got him to realize the breeze he felt wasn’t the air being unusually chill, but rather that he was naked… again. He jerked back in the window red cheeked. Mr. Cloaked, Dark and Pervy had taken off his clothes in his sleep. He thought briefly of moving to a nudist colony until his visitor had left, but there weren’t any close enough. Besides, New York was way too cold in the winter for anything like that.

His alternate identity’s reputation was completely shot by now. Jameson was having a field day with all the shots that magically appeared on his desk. His bank account was probably more padded now than it had ever been in his entire career thanks to that freak. Maybe he should have taken up stripping as a job since it seemed to be his new hobby, whether or not he wanted to. He was waiting for the phone call from the other superheroes in the city, and they were going to come soon. He could just hear the laughter. He went over to the closet, the day was already shot but he had work to do.

It was empty.

The whole freaking thing was hangers and open space!

Oh, except his costume, which should have been hidden! What? Was the daily humiliation he was going through not enough? Because there was no way he was going out a window he had just flashed the street in the one outfit guaranteed to get him more attention than that! Next there was going to be a giant neon sign outside his window blinking; Home of Spiderman: Butt of Every Cosmic Joke!!

He meant to thump his forehead on the closet door, but put it through instead. Words Aunt May would have washed his mouth out for rose to his lips, only to freeze at the sound of an amused voice.

“Oh my, what a charming view!”

He didn’t even think twice, he flung his butt backward until the door shut. At this point any protection was better than nothing. Even if it left him looking like a stuffed and mounted head.

The visitor pouted. He pouted! What kind of cosmic power pouted?

A wave of the hand had the door vanishing. Peter had the only covering he had left over his groin with a speed that would have made Quicksilver jealous, then he worried about his hands safety.

“That shade of red is so enticing. I like it far better than the red of your costume. I wonder if I could possibly match it? Then again, verbal descriptions are so hard to match. Something tends to get lost in the translations.”

“I want my clothes back.” He ground out.

“Those things are terrible for your body shape! I much prefer you this way at home so I put them somewhere else.” He smiled brightly, “But I left you your “tough warrior” outfit. You can still go and fight crime!”

“I’m not leaving my apartment!” The harassed man yelled. “Do you know what that fight with The Shocker yesterday did to any shred of credibility I might have possessed?”

~Flashback~

The screeching sound of metal hitting pavement had him scrambling for the nearest alleyway. There was the possibility that it was just an accident, but the rhythmic flashes of light argued that conclusion. The eye blinding yellow and green of one of his more color blind opponents did too.

Shocker was trying to break into an armored vehicle again. Some of the villains he faced would have required some time to find out what other scheme this would finance, but Shocker was the kind who just wanted money. This guy was barely a blip on the radar with his super powers, but he was back in Spidey’s territory which meant he was going to have to be squashed again.

The fight didn’t take that long. Of course, that may have had something to do with the fact that every time a bolt of electricity came close enough to cause static shock an article of clothing disappeared. The underwear was the last thing to go before the hyena collapsed laughing.

Oh, he knew who was responsible for this little gem.

Yep, yuck it up, he thought as he put in a new cartridge and hung the still laughing idiot from the light pole. Sirens and lights blared up the streets and he heard the tires squealing to a stop just as he swung up to the nearest roof.

“Here, Life Destroyer! C’mere, you damned poltergeist, I want my clothes back!”

His mysterious boy in blue showed with his costume folded neatly in his hands. That was so gay. He would have stomped up to him, but that was really kind of painful with out boots on, so he… walked hard up to him and ripped his modesty out of his hands.

Clapping his hands in delight he grinned at the dressing hero, “That was most enjoyable! You’re not mad are you?”

“Oh no, I’m not mad. I’m not mad at all and I won’t tear you to shreds just as soon as I can figure out how to get you to stay in one place.”

“Oh good! I worried there for a few moments since your mask was going through the strangest contortions. Do you have one of those ‘farcial tricks’ I’ve read about?”

Spiderman was shaking with the need to reach out and hit the moron, just once. He pleaded with God or any other powerful being who would listen. If he could just send the annoyance through a couple of buildings he’d feel so much better! There was the slightest chance that he could try…

Deep breath…

“No, I don’t have a facial tick, I’m just tired of being on the front page of the news paper.” He said shoulders slumped.

“Is that bad?”

“Well,” he made his voice wobble a little. “It’s not good. They won’t respect me at all.”

“Oh, I can make it better!”

“How?”

Howls of laughter could be heard over the traffic below. Spiderman ran over to the side of the building to see Shocker in the same position as himself a few minutes ago, only he was cuffed. The villain was hunched over frantically trying to preserve his modesty. An impossibility since the only thing he wore was a mask. The cat calls of the audience were music to the ego battered superhero.

“Woah, wouldja lookit that teeny-weeny dinky! You think it’s December on that side of the street?”

“I’d be a villain too if I had to hide something that small!”

“Hey man, I’ve seen Spiderman, no wonder he beats the crap outta you all the time. At least he’s a real man!”

~End of Flashback~

“Okay, so maybe that particular incident wasn’t the best example,” Peter said with a grin. “But you can’t leave me with no clothing. I have work…”

The doorbell rang. Why was his doorbell ringing? A soft sound had him looking over to his unwanted occupant. His eyes narrowed as he saw a pale hand slip inside the cowl to muffle the giggles.

“No, you wouldn’t do this to me again this morning,” He protested. “I need clothes to answer the door!”

It was a bad thing when the buzzer stopped. That meant whoever had been downstairs was on their way up, and he had no idea who that was. What if someone had called the police about earlier? He dashed for the bathroom and a towel, hoping beyond hope that they had been left where they were. There was a second’s worth of relief seeing one on the rack before his visitor knocked on the door.

He grabbed it and glared at the still giggling menace on his way to the door.

“Can I help you?” He asked politely, keeping most of himself behind the wood barrier.

It was a damned tea towel!

The delivery man looked him up and down, actually licked his lips, and held out a clipboard. “Yes, I need a signature right here.”

How did you put that much innuendo into “signature”, and was every male in New York gay?

He grabbed for the clipboard, only to have it snatched back out of his reach. “Is there some reason I can’t sign the slip?”

“Well, it’s company policy to have the signature witnessed by a representative, sir.”

“Look, um, it’s laundry day, and all I have is a hand towel between me and an indecent exposure charge.”

“I could come in, sir.”

“No!” He squeaked. His hips slammed into the door as a hand cupped his rear. “No, if you’d just hold the clipboard that’d be fine.”

“I’m very good at handling things with care,” the delivery guy said leaning forward.

Peter felt a hand slide around his side, grab the towel and yank it away. He turned bright red, grabbed the pen, signed, and grabbed the package.

“NothankyouIgotithaveaniceday!”

A disappointed look crossed the young man’s face, but soon brightened. “No sir, thank you! You can count on us for the best package delivery.” He left with a salacious wink.

He whirled around and let his weight shut the portal of his demise. He hurled the box at shaded face, and stalked to the bed to grab the top sheet. He wasn’t in anyway shape or form expecting it to be protection, but it was something at least.

“I assume this is yours since I had to be humiliated to get it.”

“Oh goody gumdrops, my souvenir!” He chirped excitedly. “I was floating on water on your internal web and found it. You humans are very inventive for a primitive species.” He tore open the box, “See!”

He held up a Spiderman doll.

Peter was lost in the explanation of a few seconds earlier, “Floating on… internal… You touched my computer?!”

“Is that what it’s called?”

“Yes, why did you go online to buy one? They’re everywhere in New York, without a licensing agreement I might add.” He finished sourly.

“Yes, but those don’t do what I want, look!”

He stuck his finger in the waistline of the doll’s costume and pulled them down to reveal a tiny doll butt, and sang softly to himself,

The pants go up,
The pants go down,
We watch the worlds go round and round.

Peter shook his head, “You have no idea how disturbing I find it that you have a song for this. How much longer do I have to put up with you?”

He could see the slightest hint of a pout on the lips of his visitor. “I have to return to my dimension tomorrow. It’s a shame really, I never really get to stay where I want to, but that’s why it’s called a vacation, right?” Glowing red eyes lifted in his direction and off that damned doll, “We’re going to do something big tomorrow night!”

A shudder of dread rushed through his entire body at the though of what “something big” would entail. He didn’t even want to know.

Sitting down on the couch he flipped on the news. There was still some time before he had to leave for work and convince his unwanted guest to give back the clothing he stole. The local reporter was talking about a charity gala taking place at a new theater when screams broke out around the crowd. The rolling smoke told him who his opponent was.

He ran for the closet and his remaining outfit. Hauling it on he kept his ears tuned to the tv, and heard Mysterio’s voice making his demand that Spiderman come to him. He ran back to the living room only to see the seats in the theater filled with frightened hostages. The window was his only option for speed, but he couldn’t help but glance back.

“Are you joining me on this one, or can I actually save those people?” He demanded.

“I’ve never stopped you from doing what needs to be done, have I?”

“I don’t need to worry what you’re going to do while I save them.”

“We’ll see what I do,” was his only answer.

Spiderman got to the window, the street was miraculously clear for once, and threw a quick line out. Secrecy was a pain, but after all that had happened to Aunt May and Mary Jane in the past he knew better than to ignore it. The new theater was close via skyscraper and he was there dropping onto the roof in less than a half hour. He opened a skylight and dropped down inside.

There was no need for subtlety so he just lowered himself through the catwalks to hover above the stage. Mysterio had taken the TV crew’s cameras and had several others lined up around the stage. Apparently he was predictable too since one of his oldest foes didn’t even have to turn around to see him.

“Spiderman, how good of you to join us!” He gestured magnanimously.

“Well, you know how it goes, throw a guy in prison for a few years and see if he wants to be pen pals when he gets out.” He looked around. “I guess this means you’re not going to join my MySpace page?”

“I don’t know, although I have enjoyed your efforts to get my attention. Tsk, tsk, flying about town in a web thong? There are impressionable children out there.”

“Call it a wardrobe malfunction.”

“Well, it has given me a whole host of new ideas of how to deal with my current arachnid problem.”

Be damned if the fish-bowl freak wasn’t grinning at him through that helmet. His Spider-sense was tingling at him from so many places he wasn’t sure where to look. He looked out at the crowd only to have a jet of gas hit him from the floor. Stupid theaters, too many places to be booby trapped. He hit the stage in a boneless sprawl. He stayed conscious long enough to see the crowd shimmer and disappear.

“Let the show begin,” Rang in his ears as he rolled under.

~o)0*0(o~

Gas always made him woozy, not that there was a particular favorite for getting yourself a bad position with your enemies, but he’d rather be knocked out with a punch. Shaking his head only earned him a rattle. He was locked down by the neck and wrists to a… stockade? There was a rope or something holding his hips in the air which was a good thing since he’d have choked with the way his body was spread out. He gave a tentative pull against the manacles holding down his arms, not even a funny sound.

“Hello there,” Mysterio’s yard ball was in his face. “You’re awake finally, good! It becomes so much more entertaining when the victim is awake. Gentlemen, our guest of honor is ready. Are we?”

“Ready when you are, boss.” Came a voice came from the back. “The override signal is ready at anytime. It’s crossing all local, cable and satellite feeds here in the city, and the live web stream is already going.”

“Perfect,” He purred, and lifted his captive’s head as far as it would go. “As you said, it’s a whole new millennia. You wouldn’t believe how many people are paying to see this, and every single New Yorker is going to see their beloved hero humiliated at my whim.”

Spidey gulped. There wasn’t a lot about this situation that had any good side that he could see.

“Begin,” He signaled.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I bid you welcome to tonight’s entertainment! Now I do warn you that this show is not for children or for the faint of heart, but it will be entertaining. At least for me,” He gave a low chuckle.

“Many of you have wondered, as have I, what our favorite masked vigilante here is like. It seems that the past few days have uncovered a rather “flashy” side. Perhaps this side, kept hidden for so long, is a symptom of something deeper. Don’t you think it should be stopped here and now before it goes any farther?

“I believe that if he wishes to expose himself so badly that he should be given the opportunity here, in front of all of you here in the city he was supposed to protect and to all the contributors that have given so generously to provide this moment in time. Let the unveiling begin!”

He had his eyes clenched tightly shut, as he waited for his face to be revealed. Except it wasn’t. Cool metal against his stomach made the muscles flinch, and the sound of ripping fabric told him that his shirt was being ripped off him? What the…

“Not what you were expecting, Spiderman? Did you really think that I wouldn’t build the anticipation for our viewer? They’ve waited so long to see you punished for your actions and I’d hate to disappoint them. I am a showman after all and this a moment that deserves to be showcased.”

The knives were at his calves now. His boots were tugged off roughly making the rope around his waist sway and knocking his jaw into the metal holding him. The knives began slicing their way up the outsides of his legs. There was no warning when nails ran up his instep making him squirm and then giggle. Tickling? This was humiliating. His hips writhed and rubbed against the rope again, and the neck cuff was making him choke. It was the last time he could depend on it since cutting it was the next step.

His ankles were attached together as soon as the tickling stopped. What were they planning? None of this made any sense! They only cut his suit down to his elbows, and they hadn’t even gone through his underwear. This was the most clothed he’d been all week! Suddenly the urge to laugh was very real.

“This is your grand plan?” He asked. “This is your humiliation? If this is the worst you can think of well, bring it on.

“Oh no!” He mocked in a falsetto. “The big bad villain has me tied down and he’s going to tickle me. Oh Lordy, make the horror stop!” The laughter rolled past his lips.

“You think you can mock me?” Mysterio hissed furious. “You think I’ll let you get away with that In your position? You are at my mercy Spiderman!”

He gestured again and the cameras were brought to the other side. They were focused behind him? The knife was active again and his pants were gone.

“Oh, now this is a shame.” Mysterio took his own turn to mock, “All the women of the city wondering what you wear under your costume and it turns out to be plain old tighty-whiteys.”

There was an involuntary clenching as he felt the knives on the sides of his underwear. Maybe he wasn’t going to be as lucky as he thought? They went up the sides but stopped at his elastic band. They carved along the underside and came down leaving a thin strip holding the front and back panels together. At least he wasn’t completely exposed.

He heard wind whistling as a paddle was brought down with full human strength. It didn’t even leave a mark, and he started laughing again. He couldn’t help it. He’d been knocked through steel walls and they thought that this would hurt?

A hand down there stopped him abruptly.

“Just as I thought, you have a higher resistance to pain. Luckily I am more than equal to the task. Too bad, Spiderman, because I am doing this for all my brethren you have incarcerated.”

The paddle came down again, but with far more force. He could feel himself getting hotter down there and hung his head. This was going to be bad. The paddle swung again and again forcing noises out of his throat. They just weren’t what Mysterio thought they were.

Flash Thompson was the bane of Peter Parker’s existence in high school, but there was one secret they both shared. Flash had caught him once in the Weight Room, tied him to a weight bench and used his belt. It turned out that Peter Parker had a thing for being spanked. It had felt so good to fell the leather lay down welts he’d completely lost control. The good news was that since Flash never wanted anyone to find out about the fact that he had a near homosexual encounter with Pencil-neck Parker he’d kept his mouth shut.

He was completely hard at this point and sticking out of his underwear. Unfortunately, one of the henchmen noticed.

“Jumped up Jesus Christ, he’s gonna cream in his shorts!”

The paddle stopped and Spiderman gave a strangled groan.

“Why I do believe you are!” Mysterio laughed, and so did everyone else. “Imagine this, perhaps you are not so firmly grounded in the side of the good after all?”

That wicked, wicked knife slid up the elastic band and severed the band holding the last remnants of his modesty. A long finger delicately slid a blunt nail up the underside of his cock. He couldn’t stop the involuntary thrust of his hips.

“You truly love this don’t you?” Mysterio stage whispered next to his ear. “Shall we continue? After all you react so beautifully to my hands.”

He wrapped his hands around the large pole, gave it one firm stroke and held firm at the base. The tight squeeze was just as firm as the hero’s own hand. Spiderman was desperately afraid that he’d have to beg. He bit down on his lip hard to stop the words.

“What an amazing stroke of luck! The whole city is watching the fall of a beloved icon and finding out what a deviant he is at the same time. This will teach them all to follow the words of self proclaimed vigilantes blindly. I think it’s time for the world to see what you have hidden under that mask of yours, Spiderman!”

He was sweating under the mask and when Mysterio touched the edges of his mask he felt it too. There was nothing he could do, but close his eyes as it began to rise. A huge thud shook the building, and everyone whipped around as the back doors of the theater burst open.

It was the Human Torch, Thing, Captain America and Thor.

Spiderman nearly went limp in relief. Well, most of him did. He watched as the four of them waded through the henchmen, tossing them in every direction. The smell of smoke let him know that Mysterio had pulled his magician’s trick of disappearing. How did evil villains get henchmen when they deserted them in a heart beat?

Torch landed on the stage and started working on burning through the locks. There was a moment of helpless humor as Spidey couldn’t help but picture his face if he called Johnny Storm the Blow Torch. He bit back the inappropriate comment and soon they were joined by the other heroes making a human wall. The gratitude was overwhelming as he realized he was protected from the eyes of anyone and everyone for the first time in a week.

“Torch… how?”

The blue eyes were sympathetic, “You did hear him say that he was broadcasting across the city, right?”

The locks clanked onto the floor and there was no hesitation as the webbed man headed to the wall. He was going to bash himself into a coma. If anyone ever brought it up there was going to be the bliss of memory loss there to comfort him. He only got one good thud in before strong hands pulled him back. The red gloves and blue arms told him who was wrapping part of the curtains around him.

“Why don’t you head home, Spiderman? We will help the police with the clean up and I have the feeling you’d like to be out of the public eye for a while.”

“Thanks, Cap’n, but I think I’m gonna need a ride. After today I don’t want to be out in the skies with nothing more than a loincloth.”

“We brought you your extra costume from HQ.”

“God, I love you! After this week you have no idea how good that sounds!”

He yanked his costume on under the blanket and adjusted the shooters on his arms. He headed out the same way he came in since he knew there would be more reporters than he could handle outside the front door right now. He had no way of knowing that two pair of blue eyes followed his every move until he was out of sight.

~o)0*0(o~

He landed on the roof of his building and realized that the whole fiasco had taken them into the night hours. He could climb to his apartment without being a huge target. Actually he could always go through the stairways but he hated scaling the ceiling the whole way down.

His whole body ached as he came in the window. He was not happy to see the intergalactic pervert still sitting in his chair playing with the doll he ordered.

“I saw everything.”

The bland statement had him cringing.

“It was amusing at first, but I believe that Mysterio fellow went too far. I would never have spanked you or tried to make you come like that, not in public.”

The rage finally boiled out, “Well then, why didn’t you help?” He yelled. “You’re an all powerful cosmic being right? Why don’t you guys ever help when you could?”

“I did help. I made sure that your allies saw the broadcast so they would help you. Your identity is still secret.”

“It’s the only damned thing in my life that’s secret thanks to you and the other pervert that decided to violate me today. Now would you mind getting out? I’d like to go to bed. You know what? I don’t care if you sit there all night. I’m exhausted. I won’t even notice you’re there, and it’s not like you’re not sneaking in anyway.”

The blue clothed man got up off the chair and Peter could sense that he was frowning. “Well, I was going to show you the new trick I can do with the doll, but I think you need to rest now. I can show you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, fine, whatever.”

A snap of his fingers had the door repaired and closet refilled. There was even an extra costume it there which almost made him grateful considering there was no way he was going to have time to make a new one and the one he was wearing was his last.

“You can have your clothes back, but I still have one more thing I want from you tomorrow so be ready.”

“Yeah, tomorrow, sacred task, redemption of soul, got it.”

The tormenter vanished to where ever it was that he went. Peter breathed a sigh of relief, and then cursed. He was still hard! God hated him.

That was it. He was going into the bathroom. He was going to jerk off, take a shower and go to bed. It didn’t matter what the annoyance wanted for tomorrow. It wasn’t like he could actually say no anyway. He was going to fantasize about the Captain and Johnny. They only tormented him at work.

Somewhere a mischievous red-eyed rift hopper smiled…

TBC…