Wrath and Love

Wrath and Love: Chapter Twenty-Four


A jerky motion woke Pepito from his sleep, and he blinked a few times before his vision focused on the side of Todd's head that he could see while the rest of his face was buried in Pepito's neck. The jerking was apparently the jostling of both his body and the mattress as Todd clung to him, desperately trying to get closer even though Pepito highly doubted that was possible. They were already pressed together so tightly that he could feel Todd's heart pounding much too fast against his own. He tightened his arms around him before whispering reassurances into his ear in hopes of waking him gently from the obvious nightmare. "Shh. It's alright, Todd. You're safe. It's okay."

"Pepi? Make it stop. Please. I don't … I don't want it."

"Make what stop?"

"The demons. They-where are they?" Still clinging to Pepito, but no longer attempting to burrow closer, he looked cautiously around the room.

"Amigo, as far as I know, I'm the only demon in this room. And I promise I'm not going to hurt you."

"Oh." He frowned as he took in the slow, delicate words. "So, I … I was … I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Pepito shook his head, then kissed Todd softly on the cheek. "Do you wanna tell me about it this time?"

Todd loosened his grip slightly on Pepito's left sleeve, though his other arm was still tucked between his right arm and chest. "I think I'd rather not. Not right now."

"Are you okay?"

"I think so. I will be in a few minutes."

Pepito nodded and continued to hold him in a loose embrace, absently petting his hair and trying not to look as worried as he felt. His other hand rubbed against the thin shirt on Todd's back that was damp with a layer of sweat that probably covered his entire body. He knew that the nightmares had gotten worse lately, ever since he had made Todd promise not to harm himself. The thought made him nervous that somehow the poisonous feelings were working their way into his unconscious mind instead, but he fought off that idea as he had many others like it. "At least your check-up is today."

"Yeah." Todd nodded, then let out a deep breath as reality seemed to set in more firmly. Sometimes it took a few minutes, especially when his dreams took place in the same setting as he presently occupied. As his breathing evened out some, he focused more on the steady fall and rise of Pepito's chest beneath him, as well as the slow-moving hands and occasional light kisses. He thought that the combined ministrations might have felt more soothing had Pepito's erection not been pressing against his lower stomach.

Pepito grunted. "Sorry to ruin an otherwise pristine moment, Amigo, but if if helps, you can rest assured that it's nothing personal. Sweaty nightmare Todds aren't exactly my favorite kind."

Doing his best to ignore the warm feeling that was probably tinting his cheeks pink, Todd shifted his arm so that he could lean up with his elbow against the mattress to give Pepito a stern look. "Pepito, I said I don't want to share. Stay out of my mind. And I wasn't going to say anything about that. I am a guy, you know. I have the same equipment … know how it works and stuff."

"And yet you're not going to move, are you?"

"Not yet. You see," Todd smirked "awkward morning Pepito's are my favorite kind. It evens the stakes a little more."

"Who says I'm awkward?"

"Aren't you?"

"My dear, I don't even know the meaning of the word."

"Okay. I'm moving now." Todd rolled over onto his back. It only took him a few uncomfortable seconds before he sat back up and pulled the damp shirt over his head, then threw it toward Pepito's hamper. His pants weren't exactly dry either, but that would have to wait.

His eyes widened a little when Pepito rolled over until their chests met, then leaned over his body to reach the phone on the nightstand. It was a cordless, but Pepito still didn't retreat to his own side of the bed before dialing. "What are you doing?"

"Ordering breakfast from the kitchen. Have a preference?" His voice changed tone slightly when someone from the kitchen picked up. "Yes, this is President Diablo. I'd like breakfast by dumbwaiter, please … and by that I do mean the lift system and not an especially dim-witted server like last time."

"Oh. Uh, french toast, scrambled eggs and a fruit cup, please." Todd whispered the words quickly near his ear when Pepito paused, then relaxed as it was repeated it with Pepito's own order, nearly laughing toward the end at the other's words.

At some point before Todd had moved to the Bram, Pepito had restarted the old dumbwaiter system. However, most of the kitchen staff were new, having apparently replaced androids that used to work those stations. Last time not only had the food been brought up to the door, but the order had also been mixed up as well. Todd suspected that the stumbling, mumbling waiter that had accompanied it had actually not been especially dumb, but had simply been afraid of Pepito's infamous temper in light of the mistakes.

"Yes, yes. That's fine. Thank you." Pepito pressed the end button, then nudged Todd in the side with an elbow. "It's not that funny."

"Sure it is."

"It's more stupid, but I suppose if laughing helps." He smiled despite his words as he eased his head down on the side of Todd's pillow. "It should be up in about thirty minutes. And then we'll have about an hour and a half to get down to the lab."

Todd nodded as he took the phone to place it back on the hook. He tensed up a little when Pepito's left hand landed on his chest to run up and down his side absently. He raised a brow. "That's kind of gross."

With a shrug, Pepito continued to drag his fingers over the cool, moist skin. "You're kind of beautiful."

Todd rolled his eyes. "You're kind of weird."

"Lets not pretend that's new knowledge, shall we?" Pepito smiled when Todd gave a small laugh and he could feel his frame relax even though the gentle touching continued. Leaning up some, he slowly kissed his face again, his left cheek, forehead and then the right cheek, secretly delighting in the fact that Todd wasn't pulling away yet.

Todd's right hand moved up to grip Pepito's shoulder, keeping him in place a few inches away. For a long moment they stared into each others eyes, then Todd smiled again before leaning up to place a light, but lingering, kiss to his lips. "I'm going to get a shower before the food comes."

"Alright." Pepito moved back so Todd could climb out of bed, then lay flat on his back after watching him go. The bedroom door was still open, of course, and he knew that Todd would leave the bathroom open as well. It seemed to have become standard procedure over the last week. On a more pleasant note, so had the intimacy that had just transpired.

It was nothing really sexual or overtly romantic despite the obvious undertones, but that was perfectly okay. It was still good progress, and he had known from the start that if he wanted Todd, he was going to have to be patient … very, very patient. That was understandable after what had happened to him, of course, but Todd had always been slow on committing to things anyway.

In a way it was good that he was getting this chance now instead of back in college when he had practically thrown himself at Todd, though he would always regret the fallout that had come with that failure. Now he knew how to be patient, at least, how to wait them out for as long as it took, how to use just the right amounts of affection to say exactly what he wanted to, to led them where he wanted. He had only really had an inkling of that in high school: mainly in regard to religion and mainly thanks to Todd's consistent, and at times tear-filled, refusals.

Pressure made Todd panic, so he was trying his best to apply just the tiniest amount, to let him know that all of the touches and the kisses had no strings attached and that if anything ever came of it, it would be because Todd wanted it to. Surprisingly, for once it was true, mostly. That thought made Pepito feel like he was floating on a fluffy cloud far above the cluttered city that usually felt like it was chocking him with smog during such a pursuit. The city was dangerous, and fun and by now routine, but it was nice to get away, to be free of its obligations and pace for a while.

He laughed at his own thoughts as he heard the water in the shower stop, then rolled over and out of bed to throw on some clothes for breakfast. Even if it was cheesy and lame, it had worked for him in the past and it seemed to be working now, undoubtedly with better side effects than his father's advice would have yielded.

An hour and ten minutes later, after they had eaten and Pepito had showered, he heard a knock at the door as he was dressing in his room. Quickly, he pulled a loose T-shirt over his head and stepped into a pair of shoes. By the time he had made it out to the living room, Todd, who had apparently answered the door, was staring at him stiffly from within Rosemary's clutches.

"Mother?" He was shocked, but he couldn't help the smile. He had told Todd that it was only a matter of time until she was back to her old self and its cheerful disposition toward the both of them.

She released Todd to send Pepito a forced smile. "Hello, darling. I hope you don't mind my dropping in like this, but Marla told me about Todd's appointment, and I just … I wanted to be here for him."

"That's … very nice of you, Mother, but how did you get transport approval without my knowledge?"

"Oh, I have my ways."

"I'm sure." Pepito raised a brow, but decided not to press the matter at the moment. It was best to pick his battles, and more important to get passed the whole taking Todd's soul issue first. And it wasn't as if he would have withheld his consent for her to be there. "Would you like a drink or something?"

"Coffee?"

"Sure. I'll just go make you some."

Rosemary nodded, then continued to hold another smile until her son had left the room, at which point she took Todd by the arm to pull him closer to the closed door to the apartment. She spoke barely above a whisper, "How are you, Todd?"

"I'm okay." He gave her a fake half-smile although he was sure that his eyes were more questioning than reassuring in light of her demeanor.

"No really. How are you? How do you feel inside?"

"Umm … not as bad as a few weeks ago, I guess."

"You don't feel afraid?" She continued when she got only a look of mild surprise. "Of Hell? Of loosing God's love and suffering demonic torture for the rest of eternity?"

"Oh, that." He gave her a small, sarcastic smile. "I hadn't really thought about it."

"Don't use that tone with me." She smiled a little too, but then went back to a serious tone. "Listen, I know the kinds of things that Pepito's been telling you about Hell and the Final Battle, but you have to understand that he doesn't really know. He has to believe what he does to play his part, but in the end … well, it's not going to be pretty for those who follow him."

Todd sighed. "Miss Reilly, it's not that I necessarily agree with him, about a lot of things actually, but that was never the issue. And it's too late now anyway. I really do appreciate you coming out here, though, and I hope that … that you'll try your best not to hate me because I was only doing what I thought was right." His words got faster toward the end, and he looked down for a moment. "No, best, not right. I think maybe sometimes there is no 'right'."

Rosemary nodded sadly, reaching out a hand to pat his arm. "I know, honey. Edgar told me all about it … once I had finally calmed down enough to hear it. I'm sorry that I was so cold to you, but I was just so mad at you for being so stupid, and at Pepi for … God, for so much. He's my little boy and I think I'll love him until the day I die, but sometimes I don't like him too awful much."

"I'm sorry, if I made it worse."

"No, Todd. That part's not your fault, and if I'm honest with myself, your problems right now are partly mine. I shouldn't have told him to be your friend. You two were so close back in school, and I always thought it seemed to help you both more than it hurt, but I should have realized that you were too vulnerable after … after what happened."

"You told him to be my friend?"

"Well, you know how he is. He wanted to be there for you, even against all that he claims to believe; he just needed a little push to do the right thing. And then, of course, that turned into the wrong thing." She shook her head. "It's hard, I know, to accept that it's just his nature. I'm been trying to, over the last few months."

Todd took her hand. "I'm sorry, even if it's not my fault. That's … a really terrible thing to think."

"It is. But it's still true."

"He's not all bad. I think, I know, he does really care about me … and about you. He seems to care about a lot of the coven members too …."

"Honey, it's not just that he doesn't care, though his caring is definitely selective. I don't think for a minute that he meant to hurt you, but he can't see what he's really doing, even now that's it's too late. He wants to give you pills or some other quick fix so you'll be what he wants, what he's always wanted you to be, but he's not willing to consider the real, underlying problem."

"No, I think he's considered it. But there's nothing he could do about it now anyway, right?" He frowned when there was no answer. "Right? Miss Reilly?"

"Sure, Todd. I'm sure you're right."

Todd bit his lip as Pepito entered the room with a mug of coffee. Rosemary was definitely still angry at him. There was no other reason why she would be telling him all this so late in the game except to make him feel worse than he already did. Still, at least she was here. Maybe confrontation was the first step of forgiveness.

Handing the cup to his mother, Pepito wrapped an arm around Todd's shoulders, which were now much too tense. He fought back the nasty remark that she rightly deserved, and forced a smile instead. Whatever the hell she had said to him was probably going to throw off the aural readings, but starting a fight would only make it worse. "Well, I suppose we should head down. Marla gets kind of cranky when I'm late."

Rosemary took a long sip of coffee before turning to led the way with the mug still in hand. "Good for her. Somebody's got to take you down a notch every now and then."

Once they were in the hall, Pepito closed and locked his door with his powers as they followed her into the elevator. "I though that was your job."

"Only when you're on my side of the country, which we both know isn't often." She sent him another smile before drinking again.

The door to Marla's basement office was already open when they arrived, and after a quick knock on Pepito's part, she too found herself in a hug from Rosemary, though Todd thought it looked less painfully crushing. Afterward, he was led to another office that had been set up with new equipment that somewhat resembled an X-ray machine. Doctor Abraham Sapirstein, another elderly coven member, turned around from the controls to give them a smile and a wave. According to Minnie and Roman, he had delivered Pepito at his birth thirty-one years ago. He had been into pediatrics then. Rarely, he still practiced for pregnant coven members, although in the time since, he had shifted his studies into more paranormal areas like the medical application of aural readings.

"Good morning, everyone. Ah, Rosemary, I can't tell you how nice it is to see you here again, dear. But do step back. I'm afraid I'll need you all to leave the room for just a moment, crapped space, you know. Todd, you stay, of course. Just stand right there behind that panel, and remove your shirt and pants." He handed over a thin dressing gown once Todd and the others had done as he said. "Now, I'll just need you to stand very still while I take some scans. Don't move until I say."

"Okay." A rolling light passed through the electronic panel in front of him several times, making colors swirl and become more dense in respect to where his body was. He smiled at the thought that it looked kind of like a technicolor shadow captured through old-school photography done with chemicals and light. It was pretty, but he didn't have the first clue was to what it meant, good or ill. The process was repeated several times, each time producing a slight tingling feeling from the electrons that the machine used to sense his own, and then the panel went back to its usual near translucent white.

"Good. Good. You can move now."

"Thanks. Is it ..."

"Can't say yet. It still needs analysis. Wouldn't want to be premature, now would we?"

"Uh, no, sir." Todd frowned as he stepped back into his pants, still behind the tall screen.

"Why don't you go wait in Marla's office with the others, and I'll bring in the prints in a few moments."

"Oh. Alight." Moving from the screen, Todd pulled his shirt on slowly as he lingered, hoping to catch some kind of clue from Sapirstein's expression or the read-outs that he was organizing via the touch-screen of a the computer opposite the scanning device. Sapirstein seemed to sense his gaze, because he turned around to match Todd's stare with a stubborn one of his own.

"Hurry along now. I can't do my best work with people looking over my shoulder. Don't forget your shoes."

"Sorry." Quickly grabbing said shoes from the floor beside the chair that his clothes had waited in during the scan, Todd headed for the exit, vaguely unnerved that Sapirstein's eyes followed him all the way until he was outside and the door was closed. After walking the short distance to Marla's examination room, then through the door that was still open, he froze for a few seconds, shocked to see Pepito's father among the others.

"Hello there, Todd." Satan, in the guise of Juan Diablo, nodded at him from where he stood near the back of the room.

Todd shifted uneasily on his socked feet, glancing from Rosemary, who sat on a single chair against the left wall near the door to Marla's actual office, to Pepito, who was leaning against the exam table looking none-too-pleased. "Uh, hi … Mr. Diablo." He fought off a cringe as he moved further into the room. It was more awkward than anything really. It had been years since Todd had spoken with him, and now that he had sold his soul, he really didn't know how to go about it. Luckily, no one seemed to mind that he had fallen back on his school-years default, and he took a seat on the exam table, even though the atmosphere felt charged with tension between the others.

After about fifteen minutes or so of small talk, Marla came back in to take his vitals, which she proclaimed to be in the normal range. Then Dr. Sapirstein came in with a small stack of aural photos that he tacked up on the board opposite the table that Todd was sitting on. Each showed the outline of the top of Todd's head and several inches around it: his crown chakra.

"Ahem," Sapirstein cleared his throat, "I've completed my analysis of the scan. Are we all going to hear it in then?" He nodded when no one moved to leave the exam room. "Right. Well, the prognosis isn't so great, I'm afraid. As you can see here, Todd, this scan," he pointed to the scan furthest to the left, "is from when you were at the work camp. Even though you were emotionally unwell then, you'll notice that your crown chakra is in comparatively good shape. It has a nice clear spiral flow with vibrant indigo and even some bright gold.

"Now, the new scan is much more dull, with some muddy dark colors lingering and the clockwise movement of the energy current is largely arrested. You can also see that there appears to be some minor denting and cracking."

Todd felt the thin mattress on the exam table dip as Pepito sat beside him and took one of his hands, and he glanced at his stoic face quickly before looking back to Sapirstein. "Uh, so I take it that's bad. What … what does it mean though?"

"Well, at the time of the first scan, you needed therapy and a good spiritual cleansing. I can't say for sure if your aura improved between then and your initiation, but it definitely seemed to have gotten worse since the later event. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that the initiation directly contributed to your crown chakra closing up.

"The crown chakra is a human's connection to empathy and unity of Spirit of all things. Having it closed off can produce serious spiritual problems. Emotional problems tend to include manic-depressive tendencies, frustration, extreme feelings of isolation and loneliness as well as thought processes that justify and maintain those harmful emotions."

"That sounds about right. So what can we do about it?" Pepito spoke up.

Sapirstein looked to Satan. "I would think that would be quite obvious, with all things considered."

Pepito sighed. "Abe, just spite it out already."

"The initiation is the problem, Son." Satan moved to the side of Sapirstein to stare Pepito down. "Todd's problems started with his promise to you and his rejection of the Holy Spirit, and they will continue, probably getting worse over time, as long as he keeps it."

"But that's ridiculous, Father. It's not as if every initiate has a fucking blocked crown. There has to be something."

"Pepito, if you want the straight truth, I'll give it to you. This is directly your fault because, once again, you broke the rules. I've told you repeatedly since you were old enough to know who you are: you can't force them. You can't coerce people into initiation and expect them to truly understand what they're agreeing to, much less truly believe in our purpose. His crown chakra is blocked because he didn't understand, because you didn't take him through the proper channels and because in giving himself to us, he cut out that part that of himself he perceived as being a part of the Holy Spirit."

"I didn't force-"

"Yes, you did. You didn't simply offer him something he prized. You trapped him in a situation that was equivalent to coercion. That would barely pass as a standard soul collection. And you know that initiation is something that Satanists have to work for; I don't want coven members who don't pursue that course or that sell themselves for wishes. You know all of this, Pepito. And frankly, I'm tried of lecturing you about it when it comes to this boy."

Pepito narrowed his eyes. "I haven't even talked to you about Todd in over ten years."

"Yes, but you've sulked about it silently often enough, and now it's more than apparent that you never seem to learn when it comes to him."

"Father, just … could you please just tell me what I can do at this point. Because I can't just go back in time and not initiate him, and this isn't helping."

"There is nothing you can do. I, however, am obligated to intervene."

"What-"

"Silence, Pepito. Whatever you have to say will wait. Do you understand?"

When there was no answer, Rosemary leaned forward from her chair to meet Pepito's eyes. "Sweetie, I think you better say 'yes'."

"Yes, Father."

"Good. Now, Todd, you were never a willing initiate, and because of that I can't allow you to maintain your current status as it is. If you wish to be a coven member, you will have to do so because it is your will and not because of some sort of contrived alleviation of your conscious. The android issue is no longer dependent upon your religious affiliation and no longer your personal concern. This is your final offer, and I expect you to make the decision that lies within your heart of hearts. This time, whatever you choose will be your true will, and you must carry it out with full dedication. If you wish to be an Initiate, you'll be expected at ritual and coven meetings. You won't be asked to violate your contract personally, but you will act in the best interests of Hell at all times.

"You have three available options here. You may request that I void your contract, in which case you would once again be a free soul. Your legal status would revert to that of a prisoner of the state. If you make this choice, I will not demand that you return to the labor camp, but I'm afraid that I must insist that you go back to California with Rosemary until the war is over." He nodded to Rosemary before continuing. "You may also resign from the Coven, but maintain the common mark of the masses and citizenship in the New American Union. I would still ask that you move out of the Bramford, but you would have the freedom to choose where you live and work. However, with this option, I can't guarantee that your chakra problem would clear up. Do you understand all of this?"

"Can I … have a some time to think about it? Just a few minutes?"

"Very well. You have half an hour. Everyone, out of the room."

Pepito stood up stiffly to go with the others, but Todd only held his hand tighter. "Wait!" he called to Mr. Diablo's retreated back. " Actually, could Pepito stay?"

"Reluctantly, he may." He looked intently at his son, whose face was flushed with anger. "If you pressure him or he makes another mistake and this situation recurs, I will see you both in Hell for a very unpleasant punishment."

Pepito jerked his hand free of Todd to take several steps closer to his father. "I want to talk to you."

"I'm sure you do." Satan smirked. "Later."

"Now."

"You're not going to change my mind about this, Pepito. You couldn't if I wanted you to. These are the rules."

"Whose rules? Yours? His?"

"The rules of the human soul, Son." He lowered his voice some as he continued. "Now, I'm going to give you your thirty minutes, and if you don't mind those rules for once, then both of you will be sorry. I will arrange for you both to experience your greatest fears in the torturous sections of Hell. You may think you can handle that, but can you handle watching Todd suffer his? If you really care about him, you'll take that into consideration along with his current state."

"Yes, Father." Pepito grit out the words this time as his father closed the door behind him, leaving him alone with Todd, who sighed as Pepito sat back down on the seat next to him.

"We're in a lot of trouble, aren't we?"

"I guess we are. I'm sorry, Todd. I shouldn't have put you in this situation to begin with."

"No, you really shouldn't have. Are you going to be angry if I ask him to void it?"

He was quiet for a solid minute and probably would have been for longer had he not been so aware that he was eating into the little time that they had been allotted. "No. Not at you anyway. You should do whatever you have to do to feel better. If this is really the problem, then you should do it."

"I'll have to leave." He almost whispered the words. As much as he wanted to be free of the contract, he the word 'free' was a little scary at this point, as well as the thought of learning to be on his own again in a real way.

"Amigo, do you want me to say something to make you stay? Because I do have a few good arguments on the tip of my tongue."

Todd looked down. "I don't know. That Hell thing doesn't sound too good. I don't want to leave and I don't … I don't want us to not be friends again, but I can't really deal with the idea of living this way for … well, forever, I guess."

"I know." He smiled when Todd slowly looked back up at him. "This was just a birthday visit to begin with anyway, right?"

"...yeah. Will you still come and see me sometimes?"

"Sure. I don't know how many visits I'll be able to work in before the final battle breaks out.... Father thinks the time is very close now, and I'll probably be very busy preparing for it."

"Oh."

"Todd," he paused to reach out to take his hand back into his own, "this was probably going to happen anyway. Even if you stay in the coven, father will find a reason for you to leave. He's been concerned for a while that we're a bad influence on each other, and it's hurting the agenda. And … I think he might be right about that to some degree."

"Oh." Todd took his hand back, fighting back an urge to cry that made his face slightly pink with embarrassment. He had always thought that he wanted Pepito to not to want his soul, but this just seemed so cold and uncaring. So easy. "Then I guess this is good bye." He hopped off the table to head out to the others, but Pepito grabbed him, arms latching around his upper chest as he walked by the end of the table.

"It's not like that. It's just … if it's hurting you and it's bad for the movement, then maybe-"

"Yeah. I get it, Pepi."

But he didn't. Pepito was sure of that, but he let him go all the same. He let him go out the door and with his mother to the airport and then back to California. He let his father burn the contract they had both signed with Hell fire, even though it was almost like a spiritual amputation to match the emotional one that was Todd leaving.

He closed his fist tight and tried his best to ignore the burning of his mark, the same feeling that Todd was likely experiencing on the other side of the country that night as well. His father's green eyes bore into his own as the last of the ashes were closed up in an small urn that would probably be buried or emptied at sea later. Whatever. Pepito wasn't going to be the one to do it. "Promise me that you won't hurt him."

Satan smiled. "He is free of my control."

"All the same. If I keep my promise, I want him to be safe. When the end comes, you know he won't go to Heaven now. And we both know that you didn't void his contract to be kind. It was a nice trick getting Mother involved, though."

Satan nodded. "As part of the California household, he will have forced access to the bunkers and other safety measures if need be. If Heaven doesn't claim him, you may have him back, but only after you have done your job." He leaned down and closer to Pepito's face. "Until then I don't want you becoming distracted again. You are not to see him without my approval."

"Of course."

"I mean it, Pepito."

Pepito kept a straight face, his lips a solemn line, as his father clutched his shirt collar to pull him even closer. "So do I, Padre. Do you think I want to loose the war?" After a few seconds, he was let go and pushed back slightly for dramatic emphasis as Satan turned to exit the ritual chamber.

"Sometimes I think you don't know what you want. You're too much like your mother; too human."

"I've always known what I want."

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

He smiled. "The world, of course."

Satan chuckled to himself as he left the room, closing the door behind him. "Of course, only the world."

When the door was closed, Pepito looked down at the ashes that were apparently his now. He smile darkened as his voice went lower. "Only the world … and Todd."