Sublime Awakenings

Sublime Awakenings: Chapter 46

Zim whimpered loudly as the alcohol covered clothe touched the frail human skin of his temporary body, instantly regretting showing such weakness to the Dib, who had applied the horrid substance. He jerked his arm away, moving back further into the shower and finding himself trapped by three walls and a paranormalist. “STOP! ZIM will have no more of this primitive 'medical care'!”

Shifting closer, into an even more cramped position, Dib rolled his eyes. “They said you've been wallowing around on the bathroom floor...why I don't know. But you're going to need to clean the wounds before they're healed or you might get an infection or some kind of septic positioning.” It was too bad that Gaz wasn't there. She was better at medical stuff and at forcing others to do her bidding regardless of their own pain or wishes. Instead she was on a...date...with Chunk...at 10:40 in the morning, which...was kind of a strange time for a date now that he thought about it.

The Dib forced the rag onto his skin again, and he screamed, slapping it away. “Get back, feeble Dib-beast!” He had had to reduce the amount of painkillers that his pak had been feeding him to gain more mental levity as he seemed to have been going a bit insane earlier, and now the alcohol stung the way that the Earth water no longer did against his new cuts.

“Look, Zim, if you just cooperate, I'll let you drive my rover today, alright? You'll be one step closer to getting your license and perfecting your stupid, transparent disguise.”

“Zim's disguise is brilliant! It has held good for five miserable Earth years and counting!” Until a couple weeks ago when it had pretty much been presumed dead. He should probably create a new one when he got the new body, but he really didn't want to change his ingenious alias. Maybe they would believe that he, like the Sqeak's parental unit, had had temporary amnesia, mixing aimlessly with hobos and street performers until the truth of his amazingness had all suddenly come back to him. “How do I know that you're not trying to poison me yourself with this horrible, painful, stinky, fermented sugar product?”

“Because I'm rubbing it on your cuts, not pouring it down your throat, Space-boy! Now let me do this or-” He closed his mouth to make sure none of the rubbing alcohol got into it when Zim suddenly jerked the clothe away from him, pulling it back and smacking him in the face with it. Removing his glasses to dry them on his shirt, he glowered at the Irken's triumphant look. “That's it, Zim.”

“Eh? That's what, human?”

“It. That's just...it.” As soon as glasses were back in place, he reached behind him to grab the whole bottle of alcohol, thrusting it forward to hit the naked female body with several hefty splashes.

“AHHHHH! The BURNING!” Zim panicked, darting one way and then another, running into the shower walls and the Dib, who pushed him back against the back wall again.

Stepping forward, and still purposefully blocking the exit, Dib turned the metal knobs, causing water to pour down upon the other. Small droplets splashed him as well, and he was glad that he had brought spare clothes for this expectedly hazardous endeavor.

Zim breathed deep and fast as the water washed the pain away in a way that he found very unnatural, setting the Dib with an ill-boding smirk. The Earthniod fool wasn't even realizing his mistake! Moving swiftly, he reached out to jerk the boy closer, into the falling water. His pak legs were dispatched, blocking the, now open, exit and slamming the Dib against the wall of the human cleansing unit a little harder than strictly necessary. “Do NOT underestimate me Dib-wad! Just because I am currently reduced to a mere shadow of my former Zimmy glory doesn't mean that I can't still crush you like...like the thing-to-be-crushed that you so are!”

Swinging his feet inches above the floor of the shower, Dib winced as the pak arms tightened their grip on his shoulders with each of Zim's words. It wasn't enough to do any major damage-it never was-but it still hurt. He could barely make out the alien's human face through his glasses, which were being pelted by a steady stream of water that made the outsides wet and the insides foggy. “Alright, Zim! Alright! I get it. I'm sorry, okay? But you're being irrational!”

“Irrational? ZIM? NEVER!” Zim dropped him all the same, smiling as he slipped and fell on his butt at the bottom of the cleansing unit. The pak legs turned off the water before retreating, and he stepped out of the shower to apply the healing cream.

As he dabbed the stuff on his self-inflicted injuries, he admitted, but only ever to his superior and worthy self, that the Dib might have had a point. Ever since he had been in this body, he had felt different. His pak wasn't programed with the human system in mind, and the transition wasn't perfect. It didn't override all of the emotions that it would have with an Irken, and when one considered that his pak had never been up to standard in that area to begin with...it was an uncomfortable prospect.

He was drawn from those thoughts when he heard the Dib chuckling behind him, and he turned to face the boy, who was still sitting, soaked, in the cleaning stall. “Hey, what's so funny?”

Dib forced himself to stand, feeling the weight of the water tug on his clothes as if inviting him to stay on the floor. “You.”

“Me? ZIM?”

“And me too. But you wouldn't understand.” Dib shrugged as he pulled his wet, blue shirt over his head, hanging it over the top of the shower to dry.

“Psh. My intellect is greater than that of any human. So, tell to Zim this simple Earth-joke, and let us see if my understanding of it does not surpass even your own!”

“Fine, but you're not gonna like it. I was just thinking that stuff like that, like what just happened here, is why everyone thinks we're together...er, why they thought that before we started pretending it was true, I mean.” A pair of black pants joined the shirt, and the teen reached for a towel, both to dry off and to hide himself while he dropped his boxers.

“Don't be ridiculous, Worm-boy! That was an obvious show of my dominance over you and your sad attempts at poisoning me!” Gaze lingering on the same pair of alien boxers that the Squeak had been wearing at the Pepito-worm's, Zim realized with a shudder that they had belonged to the Dib all along. It seemed a freakishly intimate gesture to him, seeing as how Irken underwear, as well as most clothing and other belongings, only came in an impersonalized standard issue.

“I told you, I wasn't trying to poison you! I was trying to help you. And that's technically the closest I've ever been to what you call 'disgusting human mating rituals'.”

The soft blue eyes that Zim currently watched the paranormalist with widened. “Eww! Dib-thing, that is quite possibly the single most disturbing thing that anyone has ever, ever said to the mighty Zim!” He gagged a little, realizing that it was true for himself as well, and grabbing a clean towel to wrap the healing human body in. “The mere thought! It fills my guts with churning sickness! The sickness, it churns! Like Vortian butter candy!”

“Jeez, Zim, calm down. It's not like I meant that as a good thing. It's more pathetic than anything really. And your fault. I'm just saying this is the kind of thing that makes people assume we're together.”

“No! There's no denying it now, Earth-monkey! You have already unveiled your true baloney-meats! You loove me! You love ZIM!”

“Zim, no I don't-”

“LIES!”

“No, really, I don't. I was just saying that-”

“SILENCE! It's too late, Dib! Your underpants have already spoken, and there is no use in denying what the pants command!”

“The pants...command...things? Pants?” There was no doubt about it, as if there ever had been: Zim was completely and truly insane.

“YES! Pants, Dib! Look at them! Just LOOK! They bare testament to your undying, revolting loove for ZIM!” The Invader pointed a wiggling, melodramatic finger at the object of his distress.

Dib looked down at the underwear on the floor, wishing that he still had them on under the towel. “That doesn't mean that I...that I...love you, Zim. Those are just stereotypical little green men. They're not supposed to be little Zims or anything.”

Zim's eyes narrowed in suspicious disbelief. “You don't loove Zim? You just love little green men? All little green men?”

“Nooo. I...I have all kinds of underwear; it doesn't mean anything.”

“HA! Your lies are more transparent than my human disguise!” He stopped, cringing at the slip. “Wait...”

“Whatever, Zim. Believe that I love you if that's what you want. I'm going to put on some dry clothes.”

“I will, Dib-thing! Oh, I will!” Zim shouted at the boys retreating back, just realizing the implications and adding more as the door closed, “Not that I want to believe that because I like you or anything!”

In Letta's empty bedroom, Dib redressed himself quickly, fuming quietly to himself about Zim's stupidity. “Stupid lizard, always assuming...stuff. He's the one who goes around acting like we're together, even outside of skool! He's the one who wrote 'luv' on that idiotic note that he left me!” His eyes widened as the rest of his face went slack. “And he's the one who would have kept me instead of letting Bitters take me with all the other humans that she wanted. No. No way.”

He shook his head of the ridiculous idea as he made his way down to join the others in the living room. There was no way that Zim liked, much less loved him! He would be seriously surprised if the alien even really knew what love was...although there were times when it seemed as if he cared about his minions and even felt sympathy for some humans. But still! It really was ridiculous.

Todd died in the video game that he, Letta, Pepito and Leon had been playing when Dib slouched into the room and sank into the couch on his right. “Hey.” He tossed the controller aside.

“Hey.”

“Is he okay now?”

“Yeah. For the maniacal alien that he is. He thinks I love him. Because of the boxers.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? What does 'oh' mean?”

“Just...'oh'.” Todd shrugged awkwardly, elbowing Pepito, who was sitting on his left, when he snorted at the comment.

Letta looked at Dib from one seat over. “Hold on, boxers?”

“The alien boxers,” the paranormalist clarified, “Lots of people have alien boxers, and most of them don't even believe in aliens, much less have secret crushes on them! But does Zim understand that?”

“You showed him your boxers?” She raised a brow.

“...no....” Dib stared straight ahead, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

“Then how'd he figure out they were yours?” Pepito dodged a blast from Letta's character, knowing that his question was almost rhetorical because there was no answer that could hold a good defense.

“He saw them when I was undressing.”

He got another sideways glance from the blond girl, who was now even more confused. “You took off your clothes in front of him?”

Dib blushed at how incriminating they were making it sound. “Well, yeah. I was wet, and I didn't want to drip all over the carpet. And we do it when we have gym together.” Actually, Zim changed in the stalls whenever possible, probably to hide his hideous alien form, but that information wouldn't help his argument. “Anyway, it's not about that; it's about the boxers, which is just stupid.”

“How did you get wet?” Letta swore under her breath when she died from a shot to the head right after Leon, leaving Pepito the winner.

“The aliieen pulled me into the shower with him!”

Pepito smirked, both in gaming victory and because of how easy Dib was making this. “He pulled you in...against his naked body...or...Todd's mother's naked body?” That sounded a little weird even to him.

“NO! Well, kind of, but no! Not like that!”

“Dib,” Todd turned to him half-seriously, having turned pink and then pale himself at Pepito's previous statements, “I never thought I would ever have to say anything even remotely like this, but, uh, I would really appreciate it if you and Zim could not get my mother pregnant. It didn't go over real well the first time, and I'm thinking that it can only get worse under these kind of circumstances.”

“WHAT? Preg...preg...no! It wasn't like that!” The paranormalist threw up his arms when they all burst out into laughter, even the little kid that didn't know what the hell they were even talking about! “You're all just...horrible!” He was just about to start an impassioned speech about how wrong and well, horrible, they were when he spotted Zim coming down the stairs...dressed in an even worse disguise as a human than he had worn as an alien, if such a thing was possible.

“Come, pitiful Earth-smeets! ZIM is ready to drive you all through your hideous streets so full of filth, and vermin and...eh, filthy vermin!”

The words barely sank in as Dib took in the new wardrobe while the “woman” came closer. It consisted of a wig made of plastic sea weed, a glittery, long sleeved top unbuttoned over a tight black one with a contrasting white tie, a bright pink tutu, more glitter on some kind of tight pants and white gogo boots. “Zim, what are you wearing?”

“Yes, yes, I am a master of disguise, but there is no need to allow your impaired hymun eyes linger too long. It will only increase your miserable feelings of loove for how amazing I am, and YOU CAN'T HAVE ME, DIB! I am far too above your lowly station, even as a human...er...woman.”

Dib shook his head. Zim was amazing alright: amazingly retarded. “That...is not why I'm staring. You-”

“I said look away! ZIM is eye candy for NO ONE!”

Todd turned around to add his gapping to the others'. “Zim, you look the hooker from the black lagoon.”

“Thank you!” Zim smiled widely. One good thing about being in disguise as a female human, at least, was that it was considered “normal” for him to cheat natural hight by wearing heels and platforms. He was now taller than the Dib by two whole inches! He stepped closer to the teen to make sure this change was fully appreciated, despite his last command.

“Black Lake, ” Letta corrected.

“What?” Todd raised a brow.

“He's wearing my Old Greg custom from the play that I did last semester. Old Greg is a scaly, hermaphroditic man-fish from Black Lake.” She smiled. “Pepito would probably like him.”

The half-demon gave the young woman a very unimpressed look, trying hard to stop the anger at the obviously biaphobic dig from coming to the surface. “Not if he was played by Zim. I do have standards of attraction; they just happen to be very different than yours.”

Todd flinched at the exchange. He didn't quite know what to make of it, but guessing wasn't that hard, considering that Letta had a tendency for being a bit over-judgmental and hypocritical of some things, and Pepito...well, he had a low tolerance for stupid as well a very deep-seated point of view of his own. To make matters worse, Zim looked offended and on the verge of launching into a series of loud and annoying proclamations about how great he was and how unworthy Pepito was. And Dib was obviously still mad from before. “Right! Well, we're already running behind, so we should probably head out now!” He snatched a pair of sunglasses off the coffee table in hopes that they would help him avoid any possible media attention, feeling relieved when Letta followed his example after checking her watch.

Continence changing at those words, Zim strode ahead of the others, stopping in front of the door. “DIB! Present Zim with the...keys...to your dirt-runner!”

“Oh, no,” Letta's voice dropped another notch toward weary. “Zim you can't just disappear with Dib when you two aren't even supposed to be seeing each other! If you're not home by the time we leave for Noodle on Ice, we'll all be in a lot of trouble!”

“Don't be silly, human! I, ZIM, shall drive the Dib's dirt-runner to our collective destination, just as he promised!”

Dib sighed. He should have known that Zim would hold him to it, even if the alien hadn't really lived up to his side of the bargain. But it did give him an opportunity to monitor his behavior today... and Leon's/Shmee's behavior....and really, Pepito probably wasn't a bad person to keep an eye on either. Yep. Lots of potential para activity to be found here. “Where are we going? We should probably all car-pool to save energy.”

“Zim,” Todd started carefully, “do you even know how to drive?”

“Of course! Zim has been piloting...er...crafts...since before you...” he trailed off, realizing that it would be foolish to finish the sentence, even in its modified form.

“Before I what?”

“Just before you, human!”

“O-kay.” Letta shook her head. Zim's claim to have been...piloting...crafts longer than Squee was so stupid! It wasn't as if the D.H.M.I. had offered the boy driving lessons! “Well, we're about to be late for Squee's medical check-up at the Heath Center, so we're going to have to put off all our other errands. Zim, you'll have to wait until we get out of there to drive, and now...you're probably wearing that outfit to the Mall. I guess we can still all go in your car, though, Dib, if you want to drive. I don't think we'll all fit in mine anyway.”

“Wait, my what?” Suddenly, Letta's irritable behavior from before made more sense. They actually had been running late for an appointment...a rather unwanted one as far as Todd was concerned. It wasn't like he wasn't used to being prodded by medical people, but this kind of thing could never end well.

“Sorry, Squee, but I know how you can get about things.”

“So you were just going to surprise me?”

“That was the plan, yeah. But,” Letta clasped her hands together in an overenthusiastic impression of her dad, “...now you know.”

A car ride later!

Todd sat on the exam table at a local Health Center, reading a book that he had managed to grab as they had left Brian's house in case they were in for a long wait. Of course, they hadn't been in the waiting room long before he was called back, likely because they had arrived a little late. Five more unlucky minutes and his appointment would have been canceled. Dammit. The door opened unexpectedly, startling the boy from the fictional world that he had been enjoying.

In walked a nurse with a clip board, dark eyes focusing on his book. “Hi there. What're ya readin'?”

“I'm rereading A Portrait of Dorian Gray.” He closed the book, sitting it behind him on the table so that he could get this over with faster.

The nurse nodded her head as she rolled up his tee-shirt, strapping the cuff of the sphygmomanometer around his bare arm. “You like them vampire books?”

“Yeah. Oscar Wilde is know for his many vampire novels.” Todd fought back an urge to add an eye roll to the sarcasm. Some people were very...advanced...in the same way that Zim sometimes claimed that his robot dog was advanced.

“She write them Sunset books? I done read me a few of them.” She deflated and removed the cuff, jotting down his blood pressure on her clip board.

“O-oh.” Wow. Just...wow. “So, uh, how's my blood pressure?”

“Oh, it's good. Not too high, not too low. Now open yer mouth to say awe.” Putting a hand on her hip when the boy opened his mouth, but no sounds came out, the nurse chastised him, “I said to say 'awe', boy! Like, 'awe, ain't that a pretty vampire with some shiny teeth!”

“Right...” This time he did as she said, letting her check his throat and ears with an instrument that closely resembled a small, high-powered flashlight.

“Good, good.” She disguarded the otoscope. “Ya know, I'm kinda like a little vampire myself.” Sending him a conspiratorial grin, the woman opened her white coat to reveal two vials for collecting blood and a new, plastic packaged needle. She sat all three upon the work desk, turning back to him before putting the first one together to hold up both hands, doing some kind of spirit fingers motion. “Wowee! You ought to see me sparkle when the sun goes down!”

Todd's eyes widened in further horror as she continued readying the equipment, turning back around to face him with needled tube in hand.

“Hold out yer arm and make a fist soas yer vein pokes to the surface. You can pretend I'm a vampire just a suckin' away on yer blood there if you want.”

“Uh, I don't think this is going to work for me.” He wished that he had worn a long-sleeved shirt so that he could have pulled the sleeve down for protection right about then. If she had still been measuring his blood pressure, it probably would have been through the roof.

“Would it work better ifn' I was to stick the tubes in my mouth so as the needles were to protrude out like a pair of razor shape fangs?”

“No! No, I, uh, don't think that would help at all.” His hand moved unconsciously back to grip the book as he scooted off the exam table, inching back toward the door.

“Where you goin'?”

“I, uh, forgot something in the lobby.” He took hold of the door knob just as the woman darted toward him, needle still in hand, grabbing his arm roughly to keep him in place.

“Com'ere, boy! We got everything we need right here! You like needles? I got needles. You like...,” the woman looked back at the stock table, “vaginal clamps? I got some of them too! What about squishy little heads that fit in the palm of yer hand? I know there's one of them in here somewhere.”

“No! That's okay. I really, really need to be going now!” He had thought that these kind of things were going to stop happening to him now! But maybe this was just common, everyday bad luck. Or maybe it had something to do with Leon being present.

“But I'm supposed to be takin' yer blood! Like a little, secret vampire, I am!”

“No means no, lady! No means no!” Todd finally managed to break free of the nurse's strong hold, throwing the door open to make a run for it down the hall, past other exam rooms and into waiting room where the others were slouching broadly on uncomfortable chairs. “Come on!”

“You done already?” Letta looked up in pleasant surprise, tossing some health magazine back into a basket. “How'd it go?”

“Oh, it was...fine. Everything was normal, and they'll call the house with test results.” He shook his head at Pepito when the half-demon sent him a questioning look. Luckily, no one pressed the matter, likely assuming that his nerves were just on edge from the visit. They all shuffled out into the main hall, and he set a brisk pace.

“Squee, why are we walking so fast!” Normally Dib wouldn't have been one to complain, but that Leon kid was practically jogging to keep up and Zim was falling all over himself in the go-go boots. At this point the Irken had finally resorted to locking an arm around his own so that he wouldn't fall, and after what had happened at Brian's less than an hour before, that was distinctly uncomfortable for the investigator.

“The nurse said I needed more cardio.” Todd took Leon's hand, sparing a quick look behind them to see his nurse emerge from the health office. “Walk faster.”

They had taken the stairs down to the first floor, against everyone else's wishes, but Todd was fairly sure that they had lost that nurse by the time they reached the parking garage. He was going to be in trouble for this eventually, but...it just wasn't worth it.

Now, also against everyone else's wishes, Zim was going to drive them all to the Mall so that they could get more clothes for him and Leon. Todd wanted to argue against this seemingly suicidal idea, but a long debate with Zim might give the nurse time to catch up, so he reluctantly climbed into the back seat of Dib's rover. He took the window seat on the right. Because Letta wanted the passenger seat, Dib sat beside the other window, directly behind Zim, with the begrudging air of someone who is used to being given such treatment by his scary little sister.

Pepito had taken the seat to Todd's left, but had been practically forced to move over when Leon had demanded that spot with all the suborn determination of a spoiled, only child. The Antichrist, who was also spoiled, though not exactly an only child, huffed indignantly as he settled in between the little boy and the paranormal investigator, clicking his seatbelt, something he seldom utilized, into place. He watched Todd make sure that Leon's was secure, nodding when the other teenager shot him a meaningful look in reference to his earlier claim that the child seemed to like him too much.

Zim glanced back to make sure that all of the humans were inside the dirt-runner, checking and adjusting everything on the list from Drivers Ed before inserting and turning the key to start the vehicle. He had only been out with the teaching drone from that class twice, but no matter! The woman that he was pretending to be had a license! “Ready your brain-meats for overwhelming astonishment at my superior piloting skills, earth-monkeys! For truly, I AM THE GREATEST!”

“That's not what the instructor said last time, Zim.” Dib gave the seat in front of him a hefty push that the alien would feel through the cushioning. “Just try not to freak out again. Neither the stop signs nor the red lights are authorized to make an arrest, okay?”

“LIES, Dib-thing! They watch me with their tiny electronic eyes, laying in WAIT for Zim to make even the slightest mistake! Not that I ever would, of course.”

“Whatever. Just back out slowly and don't run into anything.”

“Psh.” Zim rolled the human eyes as he pulled the lever into reverse, stomping on the go pedal with the clunky platforms. “Backseat driver-monkey.” There was a collective intake of breath as the dirt-runner swooped out of the parking spot, turning in a semicircle to come to an abrupt stop just before it would have crashed its back end into another crude Earthenoid transport that was parked two places away. The Irken smiled widely at what was surely the confirmation of his previous claim. “See? I am not amazing!”

“Amazing?” Letta gapped at the “woman” to her left. “No. You need to ease onto the pedals slowly. If you hit someone, Dib's gonna be in trouble.”

“The Dib will be in...trouble, you say?”

“Ah!" The paranormals smacked his own forehead, "Don't tell him that! That's just asking for it!”

Zim's smile grew. “Yes, trouble! Such wondrous trouble will there be! And all because of the mighty piloting skills of ZIM! I can smell the delicious stink of victory already!” He rubbed his hands together as his voice dropped lower. “Destruction is nice.”

“Riight. I've changed my mind about you driving, Space-boy.” Dib reached for the handle so that he could get out and personally jerk the menace from beyond the stars out of the driver's seat, but just as his fingers touched the metal, the locks clicked into place and inertia pressed him back into the seat as the car speed forward.

“Think again, DIB!” Zim cackled wildly as he swerved around the many curves in the downward spiral of the parking garage, only increasing his push on the go peddle when they came upon a mechanical wooden board that demanded monies in exchange for their release from the pitiful dirt-runner storage unit.

The vehicle easily broke through the weak barrier, barreling out onto the wide street that the Earthniods stupidly called a “high way”, even though it was usually flat on the ground! Several other vehicles, most smaller and weaker as the Dib had told him that they were made of aluminum, honked their rudimentary alarm devices at him, which he happily ignored as he continued to dart in and out of traffic with superior speed and skill, even as all of his passengers were busy giving him useless commands at the same time that blended together into an irritating garble.

Hanging on to the “oh shit” handle to his upper left for dear life, and watching with a great deal of unease out his window as many of the other cars were having trouble sharing the road with his enemy, Dib did the only thing that he knew would stop the Irken's mini reign of terror. He shouted at the top of his lungs, making his voice barely discernible over the general panic in the car, “ZIM! Slow down! There's a cop watching! From the FBI!”

“EH? The FBI!” The Invader's foot left the accelerator immediately for the breaks, which caused more honking as other dirt-runners nearly ran into the back of the Dib's. “Where?”

“They're...uh, they're undercover, Zim. Just go slower and everything will be fine.” Dib sighed with relief when the other complied, though his driving was still haphazard. He knew that while the alien would take pleasure in knowing that he would receive a large bill in the mail for every law that the street cameras recorded his car breaking, there was no way that he would risk an actual arrest for either of them. Not when he was so close to getting a new body. And not when he still thought that the FIB was an organization founded by demons in 1492 for the purpose of fighting aliens...if only.

“Squee, it's not gonna be like this if I teach you to drive, right?” Letta asked wearily.

“I don't think I'm quite that insane. So no.” He smiled vaguely at the passing scenery. Letta had finally found someone who was actually a worse driver than herself. And soon he would have license! Of course, he would need a permit first. That thought was forgotten as he saw a giant, foreboding, inflatable Happy Noddle Boy looming quickly ahead.

“Sweet Zombie Jesus, would ya look at that! Turn in, Zim!” When he didn't comply, Letta's hand shot over to grip the steering wheel, pulling it forcefully to the right to make the turn at a speed that caused one of the the wheels to actually leave the road for a second.

“Keep your grubby paws to yourself, filthy human-beast!” Wishing that he still had enough superior Irken strength that her pull would have meant nothing to him, Zim was forced to slap her hand away, putting on the breaks after the dirt-runner had over run the curve of the parking space that he had deftly maneuvered into.

“Look!” She pointed at a large sign on the side of the McMeaty's building. “They're giving away Noddle Boy toys in the Slappy Meals!”

“Very well, Letta-worm. Since no one provided my feeble human body with subsentence this morning, ZIM, as captain of this lowly little Earth-fairing vessel, will permit a small allotment of time for foodenings.” He pushed a button to release his passengers from the captivity that the child locks insured. At least the imitation space meats at this place didn't contain germs!

Dib jumped from the rover with a frustrated growl. “Zim, you are not the captain of my car! And you're not driving to the Mall after this!” He jerked the keys from the still-gloved human hands.

“EH? Come back here, Dib-thing! You promised that Zim could drive! Give back to ZIM!”

Smirking at the two weirdos that were already running ahead to the restaurant, Letta pulled the other back door open to reveal a glaring Squee who was busy rubbing a new pink lump on his forehead.

“I'm not coming.” The teen brushed Leon's hand away from his head, more disturbed that touched by the concern.

“You have to eat.” She looked down for a moment. “Sorry about your head.”

“This place makes me break out in hives. And I don't want to take driving lessons form you. And I asked you to not say that zombie Jesus thing anymore.” Pepito laughed and he shot him a glare too, just for good measure. “It's disgusting.”

Pepito climbed out the door that wasn't currently being blocked by his best friend, coming around to stand behind the young woman. “Oh, lighten up, Amigo. You and I will eat at the Mall, okay? And I'll teach you to drive, if you want.”

“Fine,” he let out a deep breath, “thanks.” Todd allowed himself to be pulled from the car, though he stared back at it longingly all through the parking lot. Pepito really wasn't the best driver either, but at least he could be a patient teacher when needed.

They entered through the swinging glass door, and a worker dressed as some kind of Happy Noodle Clown handed them a coupon for Noddle of Ice that they didn't need. Todd slipped it into his pocket with a fake smile to make the clown leave them alone, wondering if Johnny thought they were corrupting his warped vision with all of the child-friendly propaganda that Leon was currently taking in through wide eyes.

END CH!

Notes:

-The thing with the nurse is base on something that really happened to me recently, though exaggerated.

-Sunset series = Twilight (which I haven't read, btw).

-A lot of his part was inspired by an episode of the British comedy, The Might Boosh, called the Legend of Old Greg. Zim is dress as him and I imagine the nurse talking a bit like him too. It's hilarious! Check it out:
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v4095998FxwxJE6A

Also, Old Greg live: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCOXMUsp7Ag