Sublime Awakenings

Sublime Awakenings: Chapter 50


Todd's fingers moved over the leather of the book, his skin finding indentions that had been left by a purposeful burning. He was sitting in a meadow full of wildflowers. Blues, yellows, and brilliant purples in vibrant, healthy grass should have vied for attention with the book, but instead they seemed to reflect it's meaning.

The winds blew, creating waves in the vegetation and urging him to open the cover. When he did, he saw that there were shadow-like traces of symbols on hand-made plump paper that he couldn't quite make out, though there was a sense of great importance attached to each one, like notes in a song that only Nature could sing. For human people, it had been forgotten, though it was still there, waiting for...for something. It was a background noise that the mind concentrated on specifically to tune it out, all the while growing and changing with that song without really knowing, like the rhythm of breathing.

His eyes stayed focused on the book in his lap, but he could feel himself slowly becoming more and more aware of his surroundings with his other senses. Hearing and feeling predominated until he thought that he could almost make it out. The song; it was the wind that moved the grass that brushed against his skin, and the movement of the Earth that caused such friction. It was the sun that melted the snow that flowed into the rivers that ran to the ocean and the waves and the moon. It was the rain that was carried all over the world to repeat the cycle.

It was the push and pull of the ocean, but on another wave length, and it seemed to be circular. No, not quite circular. It was spiral: a continuous, never ending strange loop that seem to circle down, but somehow ended up exactly where it had began. It was the nothing that was everything, and the life that became death and then life again. The push and pull was being creator and created again and again in turn, and then rhythm was screaming at him, breaking up.

“Squeak!”

He tried hard to hang on to the meaning and the peace, but it wasn't very peaceful anymore. Now it was angry and demanding and afraid and...Zim. Anything but Zim!

“Squeak! Squeaky-child, wake up!”

“Ugh.” Todd rolled over onto his stomach, pulling the pillow over the back of his head to block out the ever-grating sound of Zim's ascent filtered through his mother's voice. He closed his eyes tightly and thought that he could have gone back to sleep if the aforementioned pillow hadn't been ripped from his grasp and lifted into the air only to come back down to smack him in the back of the head. He suffered one annoyingly feathery blow after another, for a total of about five, each time harder than the last, until he turned back over to face the source, highly irritated. “Leave me alone, Zim! It's...” he looked to the alarm clock on the nightstand, “it's only seven in the morning, and it's Saturday! That means there's no skool, no Church, and I'm off work so I can actually sleep. This is the only day that happens.”

“Make silence now, Squeaky-worm!” Zim clutched the pillow that he still held to the weak human body that he was now even more desperate to be free of. Wide blue eyes moved around the bedroom in a worried fashion that he was trying his best to hide behind his usually commanding air. “There is a problem with this pathetic huyman body, and you will help me fix it now if you ever wish to converse with your female parental unit ever again!”

This time it was the covers that hid Todd's face, with the upper portion of his arm lying on top of the left side of his head for good measure. He knew that Zim would just keep complaining, but he also fully expected Zim's 'oh-so-important' problem to involve a 'mighty need' for waffles, as per usual. He was going to have to complain to the DHMI about Brian working on Saturdays. “What's your problem now, Zim?”

“My problem, retched stink-beast, is that this body is hemorrhaging internally! Hemorrhaging! And I did nothing to provoke it! It started while I was in that wasteful process that you lesser beings call sleep!”

Sighing deeply, Todd threw the rainbow comforter from his upper body, blinking his eyes a few times to adjust to the light that Zim had obviously turned on before commencing with the screaming. He forced himself into a sitting position. “Zim, people don't just start hemorrhaging for no reason. If you didn't do anything stupid, it's probably fine.” He raised a brow. “How do you even know your hemorrhaging if it's supposedly internal anyway? If you're stomach hurts, then you probably just eat something that Letta cooked and left in the frig...you should never do that. It doesn't end well for anyone.”

“Oh, you humans are truly a miserable, inferior race of lowly, fragile bodies! Who knows what otherwise harmless action caused it! But it's happening! And I command you to do something!”

“O-kay,” Todd tried his best to speak calmly in hopes that the emotion would rub off on the alien, “but, like I said, how do you even know? Because sometimes humans just-”

“No! This is no common Earth-pain! Behold the hemorrhaging for yourself!” Zim dropped the pillow to the floor so his borrowed-hands would be free to pull his new housecoat open to show the Squeak the horrible leaking that the mighty Zim had awakened to.

Todd clutched the covers that were now at his waist again, but forced himself not to pull them back over his head. Instead, he simply stared down at them, and away from the blood-stained night dress that adorned his mother's body, shocked. “Zim, I...I think I hate you. And I would really appreciate it if you would leave me alone for a while so that I can fully repress this memory.”

“What! You do not hate the amazing Zim! The amazing Zim hates you, puny dirt-child-or I would hate you if you were important enough to hate! But you're not, so there!” Zim pulled the robe back together indignantly. “How dare you show Zim such disrespect! This is a medical emergency, not some...some Earthenoid propriety issue! Now! Are you going to help me or shall I be forced to dial this nine-eleven that the TV is always going on about?”

With a deep breath, Todd shook his head. “You don't need medical help. You're just on your period.” He paused to massage his temple with one hand when he only received a blank look. “Do you even know what that is?”

“A 'period'? A punctuation mark? A generic span of time? Neither of those make any sense! You speak craziness! And I, oh Tallest, I'm going to die on this filthy planet, in this filthy body, with nothing but you filthy humans to inherit the amazingness in my pak that was once Zim!” He stopped mid-dramatic posture. “Wait! The new body! Call the Dib! He will take me to it now!”

“Calm down already, Zim! You're not dying. You're just...the body is doing something that all female humans of a reproductive age have to do once a month. Didn't Dib say you guys were taking sex ed in home economics? They really should have told you something about this.”

“I only had one day! One pitiful Earth day! And Ms...Ms Whatever her name is this week said nothing about monthly hemorrhaging!”

“Okay. One more time. That's all. You're not hemorrhaging. This is normal. Horrible, but normal. Got it?”

“But I'm-”

“No! It's normal!”

“But-”

“Normal!” Dear God, Zim was retarded! And Todd hated yelling a people, especially this early in the morning. He was probably going to have a headache now to top off the freakish mother's period trauma.

“Fine! Let's say that this life-juice leaking is 'normal'. What exactly is Zim supposed to do about it, huh?”

“...This isn't some subjective argument that I'm trying to win. And you're supposed to...to get some pads or something. And then take some period relieving medication, I guess.”

“These...medications...they will make the leaking go away, yes?”

“No. They'll just make the pain stop, I think.”

“Then they are useless, like everything on this planet! Why would this need to happen! This is as bad as the fleshy fat lumps! Worse even! I hate this planet, I hate it, I hate it!”

“Umm. Yeah. Sometimes emotions can get a little weird with periods too...usually not this weird, but I guess if you're deranged to begin with.... Just, uh,” Todd crawled to the end of the bed before getting to his feet, “just let me go find you some of that medicine. There should be some in the bathroom.”

“Don't leave me!” Suddenly, Zim leaped forward, latching onto the Squeaky kid's arm as if the Dib where just around the corner with a water balloon...though at this point he would gladly take that situation over the one at hand.

“Alright! Jeez.” Todd cringed at the clinging 'woman', taking careful steps so that the body didn't brush his own on the way down the hall. “Okay, I need you to let me go so I can get the pills. Zim?”

“But, I! I...won't die?” His voice became softer and slightly unsure toward the end.

“No. You'll be fine. I promise.” Holding on to Zim's wrist to keep it in place, he managed to pry himself free before opening the vanity mirror to take in an array of health and beauty products. After searching through two shelfs of makeup, he finally found a bottle of Menstrual Complete. Luckily, there was also a supply of small plastic cups, so he filled one of those and placed it and two pills carefully into Zim's hands.

Zim raised the medicine, which he knew was more than likely a mild poison that would do just as much damage as good, like nearly all Earth treatments, to the ridiculously plump human lips, forcing the pills past them with a trembling hand. He gagged at the bitter taste-the calling card of poison, just as he suspected!-but chugged the water to get them down. “Putrid! Ugh!” He rolled the wide tongue around in the mouth, scrapping it against flat teeth as if the taste might come off. “And I feel no relief!”

“Yeah. I think it takes a few minutes to get through your system.” Todd frowned into the cabinet under the sink that he was looking into before reluctantly pulling out a half-empty box of tampons. “This is all there is.”

“This?” Zim snatched the cardboard box from the Squeak's hands. “All there is? For what!”

“Umm. For stopping the bleeding.”

“I thought you said I can't stop the bleeding! You are full of lies?”

“No. Okay. It's more to, uh, collect the bleeding, I guess. So it's...less messy. Just read the box.”

“Unacceptable!”

“Zim, I can't make it stop. There are hormone pills for that, but not any that would work in time.”

“How! How am I even supposed to use these?” Zim turned the box around in his hands, looking at the same images at different angles in hopes of discerning something vital.

Todd pressed his back against the door frame to slip by the other. Maybe if he went back to sleep immediately this would all just be a bad dream, or better yet, maybe he would forget it completely! Before he could get his hopes up, Zim rounded on him, shoving him into the wall in the hall and pointing a finger directly at his nose as though the human organ offended him by its very existence, which it very likely did.

“Squeak! How are these used! Tell to ZIM! Tell to Zim now!”

“I don't know! Do I look like a girl? Wait, don't answer that. You just...have to insert one.”

“Insert one where!”

“Com-come on, Zim. Even you have to know that. Where the bleeding is coming from.”

“But...inside. These go inside! That's disgusting! Zim knows nothing of the inner mechanics of human female bodies!”

“Really? Nothing? Even though you've been in there for over a month?” When the implications of what he was asking occurred to him, Todd immediately raised both hands to his sides, palms out. “No. Never mind. I don't want to know.”

“I don't care what you want to know! I have checked this body with instruments on my glorious moon base to make sure it is functions properly with the pak of Zim, and that is all! There was no reason to check such minor details!”

“Alright! Look, you're just going to have to figure it out then, because I can't help you. I don't have those parts, and even if I did...eww.”

“Eww? Eww! You think this is icky, human?”

Todd's eye twitched and he thought that he might have involuntarily nodded. “Yes, Zim, this is gross, okay? For future reference, anything that involves me seeing my mother's naked body for any reason is gross. Showing you how to do what you need to do with her body is even more gross, and I don't know how anyway.”

He shimmied out of the other's reach, back toward Letta's bedroom, then broke in to a dead run when Zim darted after him again. He had barely made it into the room when he was tackled from behind, which made him fall face forward onto the floor with Zim landing on the lower half of his body. “Ouch. Zim, get off me!”

“Never!”

Fingers digging into the carpet, Todd pulled himself forward across the room as best he could. When he was close enough to the nightstand, he jerked the phone cord until the phone itself fell down into his reach. He grabbed it desperately. “Zim! Let go of me! I'm going to call for help!” The crazed being finally got off, allowing Todd to sit up and lean back against the bed, but there was still a death grip on his ankle. He dialed one of the few numbers he knew my memory, speaking into the mouth piece as soon as the ringing stopped. “Letta, hi. I, uh, we, have a bit of a problem.”

“Well, what is it? I'm kind of busy here. You know, work and all.”

“Zim's on his period.”

“Wow. Never thought I'd hear anyone say that seriously. But what do you need me for?”

“Well, there's only tampons in the bathroom, and Zim won't...he doesn't know how to use those and-”

“Todd, they come with instructions.”

“I didn't see any in the box. And anyway, he's not exactly familiar with human anatomy, is he?”

“Human? Psh. Maybe not female.”

“Could you come home? Just for an hour or so?”

“No. It's the morning rush! I can't just up and leave. Besides, Zim needs to get over his hate for women. I mean, not being sexually attracted to them is one thing, but finding them disgusting is just wrong...and usually means you're just overcompensating for something.”

“But, Letta, I-”

“Look, just call one of your girl friends. Call...I don't know...Dib's scary sister.”

“Gaz? She'll kill me!”

“Heh. No. She'll just want to.”

“When Gaz wants to kill, she kills!”

“Like the Scary Neighbor Man?”

“A little.”

“I don't have time for this. Forget about aliens and serial killers for a minute. Just try to divert her anger onto Zim. Maybe if she smacks him around a little, he'll learn some respect.”

“That..that might work. But do you think she'll actually help after that?”

“Todd, it's worth a try. I have to go before this grumpy old man that I'm ignoring becomes entitled to a free coffee. Shit, he heard me! Gotta go!”

He only squeezed the phone tighter when he she hung up. He couldn't ask Gaz, but maybe he could call Dib. That's what he would do. That's what he always did whenever Zim started acting up, so why would now be any different? “Okay. That didn't work out too well, but I'm calling Dib.”

“That's what Zim told you to do before!”

“I haven't forgotten.”

“Lies!”

“Be quiet for a minute.” Todd could still hear Zim muttering worried, but incoherent sounds to himself, but did his best to tune it out so he could recall Dib's number. Dib would know what to do! And if they needed Gaz, maybe he would get her himself. He cursed in his mind when he got a busy signal from Dib's communicator before trying the Membrane house phone. It rang several times, but no one picked up. They were probably all asleep. “Shit.” This time it was out loud.

“What? What's wrong! There is no Dib?”

“Uh, not yet. I-”

“Nooo! What will I dooo!”

“Hopefully, you'll shut up and stop freaking out!”

“Not a chance!”

Zim's increasingly tight grip on his ankle had Todd's own tightening on the phone even more, and he was almost tempted to clock the him with it. He only knew three other numbers off the top of his head, and two of them were already out. He couldn't call Brian and tell him that his mother was having her first period! And though Elize might be useful, he was guessing that this..was not the kind of situation that Johnny would do well in. He groaned out a deep breath before dialing Pepito. The phone rang several times, and he had almost given up when a groggy voice spoke in a nearly horse breath.

“Todd? Hey. Is something wrong?”

“Kind of.” He cringed at how weak his own voice came out. “Sorry. I know it's really early-”

“What is it?”

“Zim. He's...he, uh, started his period, and we don't know what to do.”

Pepito cleared his throat, trying not to be annoyed. “Uh, Amigo, isn't that pretty basic?”

“Not for an alien! Or me. You know I don't know much of anything about that!”

“Okay, okay. Just stay calm.”

“Calm? Zim isn't calm. Zim is insane! I mean, more than normal insane! He even won't let me go!”

“Todd!”

“Oh. Oh. Sorry.”

“Good. Now listen. My mother helps the elementary and middle skools with this kind of thing. I'm going to borrow some of her stuff, and come over here, alright?”

“Really?” Todd sniffled a little, overcome with a ridiculous amount of relief.

“Don't cry, Amigo.” Pepito stifled a laugh.

Todd shook his head even though Pepito couldn't see it. “Oh, no. I think Zim's crazy is contagious.”

“I hope not. Try to same calm, okay? Both of you. I'll be over in a few minutes.”

“Okay. Pepi? Thanks.”

“Yeah. No problem.”

Pressing the phone to his chest after they had both hung up, Todd let out another deep breath. “Okay, Zim, Pepito is coming, and he says he knows what to do.”

“How is that better!”

Todd shrugged. “Well, it's better for me.”

“I hate you!”

“Don't start that again. He knows...well, he knows more than me. And he's got educational stuff. That's always good.” He frowned at Zim's still distressed face, for the first time realizing how truly scary this had to be for him. It was like all those girls back in the past when no one told you about that kind of thing because it was shameful, and it suddenly just happened one day. The history channel had said that they usually reacted pretty much the same as this. He thought that he probably would have felt it earlier if it had happened to anyone who wasn't Zim. And it would have been less gross and wrong if it had been anyone that was in an appropriately aged body...or at least one that wasn't his mother's. “It...it'll be okay, Zim. Periods only last for about a week.”

“A week? A whole week! Why must this be!”

“I think it's something to do with placental mammals saving body resources by growing a new uterus lining every cycle instead of constantly maintaining one.”

“The exchange of nutrients and wastes-wastes!-that you refer to is disgusting! And only employed by species with greedy, parasitic smeets that only wish to suck their life energies away!” Zim shuddered at the very thought and the accidental reminder that the body he currently resided in was capable of being exploited in such a horrible way.

“Yeah...I guess it is kind of freaky when you really think about it like that.”

“No! Wait! I mean, yes! Yes, it is.”

Todd smiled subtly. Finally! Some kind of agreement. Now, if he could just keep him talking until Pepito arrived, he could possibly extract himself from the situation. “It does seem a lot easier to just lay an egg or something to get the dangerous parts over this faster, and-” He paused when the phone he was still holding rang again. “Hello?”

“Squee?”

“G-gaz?”

“Did you call my house a few minutes ago?”

“Umm...maybe.”

“You woke me up. Do you know what time it is?”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry. Zim's having some...problems and-”

“Oh, of course it's Zim! Zim always has a problem. It's called stupid, and the next time I see him in his own freakish body, it's going to be a black eye as well.”

“Uh, okay. Is Dib there?”

“No. My stupid bother is out tracking big foot or something...although the alarm that he set up for the belt sander hasn't gone off in months. He was already gone when I woke up.”

“I guess that's why I couldn't get him on the communicator. If it makes you feel any better, I did try that first.”

“I don't feel better, Squee, I feel awake. On a Saturday morning, I feel awake. Do you know how late I was up last night gaming?”

“Sorry...again.” He bit his lip for a moment, deciding on taking the risk. “Actually, if you're already up, could you, uh...have you started your period?”

“What! How the hell is that any of your-”

“No!” He winced at the volume as well as the tone. “I didn't mean! I mean, Zim has his! That's the problem.”

Her voice went flat, slightly disbelieving, but only because what she was hearing was so distasteful and something that she would rather be a lie. “Oh. Eww. That's...horrible.”

“I know. And Letta's at work, and no other girls really know about Zim really being Zim, so...”

“So now you need my help? It's not a big mystery. Just suck it up already. Or look on the Internet.”

“The Internet. I could look on the Internet!”

“Yeah. Good job.” She tried her best to convey an eye roll through her voice over the phone.

“Heh. Yeah. Thanks.”

“Is there a gaming system there?”

“Yeah. What-”

“You know if I come over, I'm just going to kick Zim's ass until he does what I say, right?”

“I figured, but that...that might be best actually. He's kind of...not very cooperative. ”

“Fine. I'll be there in a few.”

“Thanks, Gaz, I-Gaz?” He sighed when he realized she had already hung up before doing so himself. “Gaz is coming too.”

“What about the Dib?” Zim's eyes widened to show off a hopeful gleam, though he knew it wouldn't work as well with the human eyes. Irken eyes, even without the Invader-issued ocular implants, were much better at such things, what with their ability to change shade and shininess to reflect emotion.

“Look, Zim,” Todd soothed, “I can keep trying to call him, but he's out on an investigation, so his communicator's not on.”

“On an investigation? An investigation that does not involve me, Zim!”

“Uh, yeah. Why would that matter?” He smirked. “And why do you want him here so badly?”

“Because! The Dib is my sworn enemy! As such, he is required to take me seriously! He has no time for other...investigations! And since we are still in the midst of an alliance, and this revolting situation is a result of-”

“Of you betraying us and trying to have me killed?” Suddenly, much of the sympathy he had just felt for the alien was no more.

“Oh. Yes, that.” Waving away the accusation, Zim smiled a huge friendly smile, then forced a laugh to match. “Heheheh. But! That wasn't part of the plan! That too was a result of my attempts to save this pathetic planet!”

“Yeah, so you could destroy it yourself!” Todd said incredulously.

“Silence, puny worm! You know nothing of which you speak with your tiny head so full of corn! So like the Dibs, but without enough air to keep it inflated!”

“Wait. So, not only have you changed your mind about Dib's head being big, but now it's also the standard that you use to judge other heads?”

“No! Of course no!”

“That's what you just said.”

“Lies!” Zim released the ankle he was holding to point at the worm-child. “Your brain size is simply so limited by the capacity of your minuscule head that you can not comprehend the words of one so mighty as Zim!”

“My head is not small. Not unless you're comparing it to Dib's as the standard like you so are.” Todd smiled, both at the stupid, obvious argument and at the fact that it had allowed him to pull both his legs up, then move up to sit on the bed. He was now one step closer to being free of Zim's insane clinging.

“No! It's not true!” Zim got to his feet to take full advantage of the improved hight that the otherwise inferior body provided.

“It is true! His giant head has become the standard for you because he's your ideal! Because you like him, Zim! You feel human affection!”

“How-how dare you! Zim would never feel something as loathsome as that! Invaders are above such lowly emotions! We need no one!”

“Okay, then how come you need us right now? Because if I remember correctly, you were latched onto my leg pretty good a minute ago, nearly in tears because we can't find Dib.”

Zim started to argue, then closed his mouth, then open it again when his pak offered him no good response but only building frustration. “Your head is tiny! Therefore, you remember nothing!”

“Oh, that's just stupid.”

“Is it stupid or is it genius?”

“No, it's pretty stupid. And why do you always-” Todd paused as a loud banging rattled through the house. “That's probably Gaz.” He hopped to his feet, sprinting past Zim for the hall and then the stairs, far too relieved to be adding someone else to this ridiculous predicament. By the time he had reached the door, Zim was on his heels again, though this time thankfully not holding onto one of them for dear life. He opened it swiftly to see not Gaz, but her brother.

Dib raised his hand in a weak wave before he was pushed roughly inside by Pepito, who stood behind him. “Hey, watch it!”

“No, I don't think I will.” Pepito sneered, stepping over the threshold and pulling the door closed himself. “Besides, watching is more your thing, isn't it?”

“It is when there's possible para-activity afoot! It's my duty to seek out and defend-” Stopping mid sentence when he abruptly found himself to be deep within the tight clutches of his enemy's...his enemy's what? Desperate embrace? Now that was just weird. “Zim? What are you doing?”

“He's been like that all morning,” Todd offered, himself at a loss, “How did you know to come here, Dib? Gaz said you were out.”

“Oh, he was.” Pepito crossed both arms over his chest, letting the dark pink bag that he was holding dangle from one wrist. “If by 'out' you mean in the bushes in my yard with night vision goggles. I saw him on my way out and thought I might as well take him along in case you need him.”

Eyes widening, Todd looked back and forth between Pepito and Dib, throughly worried and slightly shocked that Dib was still alive. That must mean that he didn't see anything, right? But if he was at Pepito's, then he must suspect something...probably because of that idiotic soul poker game. And that would mean that he was brushing up against a Velcro strip of danger, building up static, just begging it to stick to him. “O-oh. Thanks. Can I, uh, speak with you in private?”

“Wait!” Dib attempted to shove the mumbling Zim from his person, but the alien's hands were clasped together at his back, and the female human body was pressed too close to allow him enough leverage. Sometime was seriously wrong with him. “Need me for what? What's going on here?”

Pepito smiled widely as he simply held out the pink bag for Dib to take. “This should tell you all you need to know...or tell you all Zim needs to know. Still, have fun.” The last thing he saw before Todd pulled him away by the arm was a wide-eyed look of horror behind Dib's glasses as he peeked carefully into the bag. It served him right too!

Going for the closest private space within the house, Todd turned the door knob to Brian's bedroom, which was located in the downstairs hall between the living room and the kitchen, across from a small study. He pushed it open with his shoulder, giving Pepito's arm a strong tug to get him inside before closing the door and locking them in. He leaned against the exit, speaking in a whisper, “Does he know anything?”

Letting out a deep breath to calm himself down, Pepito shrugged. “I don't think so. Not anything that I could pick up from his mind on the way over, though he might have had training for that.”

Todd bit his lip once again. “What are you going to do?”

“Nothing so far.” He stepped closer to the other, a hand coming up to rest on Todd's shoulder. “Todd, I need you to do something for me. I need you to talk to him. Do you think he'd tell you if he knew something or what he's looking for if he doesn't?”

“I don't know...probably.” Todd looked down, raising his right hand to hold on to the wrist that was attached to the hand on his shoulder. “But I...I don't...”

“Want him to die? I know. That's why I need your help.”

He looked back up. “But what if-”

“If he knows something, I'll have to have his memories erased, but only back so far as needed. If not I'll just employ some demons to lead him elsewhere. But if I don't handle this fast and Father catches him instead, then I can't help what happens after that. We can't afford for anything involving the truth to get out, so people who get too close to the truth...well, they often end up in the basement.”

Todd nodded, trying his best to ignore the loud yelling that could now be heard from the living room, and to focus on the serious issue at hand. Still he couldn't help but be glad that it was no longer him arguing with Zim about...things anymore. And that Brain had taken Leon to work with him. “Okay. I'll try. But do you really think people will believe Dib about you when they won't even believe him about Zim? And he hasn't been able to do anything about Zim in all this time. Is it really any worse for him to know than me?” He frowned. “You're not going to erase my memories, are you? If I say no to giving you my soul?”

“No, Amigo. I wouldn't do anything like that to you unless it was the only way for you to be safe.” Pepito purposefully pulled on his own captured wrist, bringing them closer together as his voice dropped lower. “You're not a paranormal investigator who probably posts to all kinds of message boards about his theories and lack of proof. It's not really Dib himself that's the danger; it's the other's that he might alert to his cause, probably on accident. There are still organizations, very old ones, looking for me. They're always watching any open occult channels for any hints to investigate.”

“When you say looking for you, you mean...”

“To kill me, yes. Among other things. They've been around for centuries, dedicated to stopping the Second Rebellion. They're charged with eradicating me specifically, but they're also generally opposed to...well, spiritual or astral being interbreeding with humans.” He smiled a little bitterly. “It's the source of witchcraft, of course. And witchcraft just leads to more of interbreeding, more blasphemy, and they used to take that pretty seriously back in the middle ages.”

“You mean the witch hunts back then...”

“Yes. Well, not all of them. Probably not even most, but quite a few. They were kind of the hidden power behind the movement. Most of what they told the public, or let them believe, was a lie to cover up what was really happening in the cases they were involved in. They lost a lot of power during the Enlightenment, but they're still around, watching and waiting.”

He sighed. “I'm sorry, Todd. You have no idea how much. I should have told you before, when I first told you about my true nature, but I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily. Whether or not you pledge your soul to me, just being this close is dangerous if they come to suspect me. You'd be a prime target for 'questioning' just because you're my friend, even if you didn't know about me.”

Todd shook his head. “They would be after me anyway, though, if they knew about...about my ancestry, right?”

“Not necessarily. If they could, they Purists would outlaw any use of the imagination that wasn't conductive to the world view that they support; however, they have to be careful now that they don't have as much power. They would only risk killing, and possibly being discovered, if the target was very important. But I'm determined that they will not find out. If that happens, you, Mother, all of my friends and family would be in danger because I'm the ultimate target.”

Pepito closed his eyes for a moment, his grip increasing on Todd's shoulder blade, which hurt just a little as it poked into his palm. After what his father had told him about the key and Todd's equally important role in the Second Rebellion, he knew that he wasn't the only one in direct danger if they found out. If Purists knew about the Prophet as well, then Todd could be just as wanted as himself without even knowing why.

He felt the grip on his wrist fall away, opening his eyes in time to see the side of Todd's head as he was wrapped in a hug. “I'm so sorry, Amigo. I don't want to hurt anyone that you care about, but if it comes down to it...I can't live in a bubble either, and I can't risk the safety of anyone who happens to be close to me.”

“I know, Pepi.” Todd leaned his head sadly Pepito's shoulder. “I know it's not fair. I just wish...”

“That I had never told you? That we had never become friends?”

“What? No. Crazy, psychotic people and groups of them seem to be attracted to me for one reason or another anyway.” He forced a small laugh. “Just that you didn't have to kill all those people. And that you hadn't done the stupid soul poker thing at my house last month. That's probably what made Dib suspicious.”

“There haven't really been that many. People who've found out, I mean. And sometimes we can make a deal with them. We've even gotten a few souls that way.” Pepito pulled back from the hug to look into Todd's face. “You're right about the poker, though. I'm not used to being around people who take those kinds of things seriously enough for it to become an issue, but I'll be more careful.”

“If you can wipe Dib's memory, why couldn't you with the others?”

“We could, it's just not as reliable as the other methods. You know how the Eye sees everything? Well, that's a way of reading the...the memory of the conscious part of the universe, the akashic records if you will. Every experience, every thought, it's all still there, and under the right circumstances, it can be accessed again.”

“But you'd really do it for Dib? You'd try it; you promise?”

“Yes. I promise.” Pepito forced himself to smile reassuringly even though he could see that Todd's eyes were shiny with worry and dread. The truth, of course, was that it wasn't for Dib. He was pretty sure they both knew it, but, like so many other things, he wasn't going to say it.

He didn't want to kill Dib. Sure, he was annoying at times, but he wasn't terrible. When he had looked into his mind he hadn't seen the kind of sheer pettiness and violent noise that polluted the minds of many humans. Those kinds of things made him want to kill, which was why he had purposefully trained himself only to read thoughts when he needed to years ago. There had been a moderate amount of built-up pain from rejection in Dib's psyche as well as arrogant pride that motivated much of his endeavorers to expose the paranormal. There had been the expected panic at being caught spying on someone, and a nagging worry that he could be in real trouble had flashed through his being for a few moments directly after Pepito had spotted him. The last one was what concerned him. That and the lack of information he had been able to discern about why Dib was so afraid or what he had possibly learned.

A sudden clattering had them releasing each other, and Todd turned to the door. “That probably means that Gaz is here...or that Zim went feral on him.”

Pepito smirked. “I'm hoping for the last.”

“Pepi...”

“What? I may not wish to harm him myself, but I can still enjoy some mild torment. If we were a normal family, I would have called the police and gotten a restraining order.”

Todd laughed as he lead the way back into the living room. “Restraining orders: just another way of saying 'I love you'.”

“Oh, yeah?” Pepito raised a brow. “I guess that's the fun part of dysfunctional. Did you hear that from Dib?”

“No, from Johnny. He's claims he's been stalking the love of his life for...like eight years, I think. It's kind of sad, but mostly just creepy.”

“Like Johnny himself?”

“Pretty much.” Todd stopped on a dime when he saw that Gaz had indeed arrived. She had Zim backed into a corner. In one hand she held a shock stick, a miniature version of the ones that the guards at the mall carried around, and in the other she held Zim's upper arm.

“Are you gonna cooperate or what?” Gaz glared at the cause of her wakefulness, ready to zap him again if need be.

Zim wiggled his free arm at the electrical device, trying in vain to smack in from the scary human's hand. “No! Zim has told you, it's not going there!”

“Then calm the fuck down and stop complaining about it already! One or the other, Zim. You don't get to go around driving everyone else up the wall because you refuse to deal with your own issues.”

“My own-my own issues! These issues belong not to Zim! They belong to you hairy, smelling ape-creatures! And I will have no part in them!” His eyes tried to bore a hole into the pink bag that the Dib-creature still held. “I refuse to give in to the demands of the pathetic Earth-video, so you can just take those...things...and put them...elsewhere!”

Dib cautiously stepped closer to Gaz and Zim, both hands raised as if in surrender. “Zim, you don't have to use the tampons. But you know from the diagrams I've seen on the Moon base, Irken women...and even Irken men don't seem to be that different from human females down there. So, uh, I don't really see why you're having such a problem with that part.”

“Silence, Dib-worm! It is not the same at all! Irkens do not leak from down there unless something is horribly, hideously wrong!”

“Yeah, but the mechanics are similar, so unless you've never...wait a minute! You've never had sex! I mean any kind of sex! And how old are you again? Older than any human living on the Earth, right?”

“I have sex! Zim is male! If you are referring to my lack of involvement in some kind of sick mating ritual, then yes, Zim has never disgraced his superior self in that way. Irkens have evolved well passed such primitive passing on of genetic flaws!”

“We do have genetic screening here, Space-boy.”

“Yes, but most of you stink-beasts are still produced without it and with such...horrible...processes! So full of juice!”

“Yeah, well, at least it's not jelly!”

“Jelly is by far superior to juice! Instead of slimly it is sticky, and sticky is goood!”

“Well, if sticky is so good, why did your 'superior' race stop having it then, huh?”

“Because!” Zim postured dramatically, tugging at Gaz's hold on his arm, then relaxed and shrugged. “Eh, because it engendered too much emotional ickiness and too much personal attachment to things other than the Empire.”

One of Gaz's eyes twitched, then the other. Her hand shot out to shock Zim almost involuntarily. “Stop it.” When he yelped like the stuck pig that he was, she turned on her brother. Dib managed to back up all the way into the couch before she did the same to him.

“Ow, Gaz! What was that for?” Dib sat up as best he could with his back lying on the cousins of the sofa and his legs on its back, feet poking over the top. He rubbed the sore, tingly spots on his arm and lower leg.

“I said stop it. Stop arguing about whose sexual organs are superior the same way you argue about everything else. You're making me sick. I should have known that this was what puberty would be like for you.” She glanced back at Zim. “Well, except the period thing. That isn't something that should have been expected...or even possible. But leave it up to you two freaks to go all out and break all the rules.”

“What?” Dib flipped his legs over, landing on his knees on the floor in front of the couch, which was now between himself and his sister, before standing back up. “Gaz, it's not my fault that he's in that body!”

“Oh, yeah?” Her eyes narrowed even more than they had been before. “Well, you're the one who trusted him with Squee's life when you know how he is.”

“I had no choice! None of us did. Zim was the only one who even vaguely understood anaphasic life forms!”

“Stop, please,” Todd interrupted, stepping in between the siblings, “can't we just leave that in the past for now and deal with the present?”

“It's your life, so if you're not upset about it, then fine.” Gaz shrugged, then turned back to Zim. “So, what are you going to do?”

Her threatening voice pulled Zim out of his near-daze, and he strode forward to snatch the plastic bag from the Dib-beast's hands. “I shall put on one of these 'pad' thingies, but only for now! Then, yes, then! Then, Dib, you will take me to my one remaining glorious base, and I will transfer my pak onto my new and improved Zim-body! And then I will make sure that I never fall into a hideous situation such as this ever again!”

“Finally.” Gaz threw up her arms at Zim's randomness. It had been simple enough to explain the options and that pads where less invasive, though more messy and inconvenient, but for some stupid reason Zim had persistently refused either one for nearly thirty minutes of irritating squabbling. “Squee, I fixed your problem. Now you can fix me some breakfast.”

“Okay.” Todd shrugged. Making breakfast was undeniably worth it. “What do you want?”

“No! There is no time for foodenings now! Not if you're going with us to Zim's base!” With one hand on a hip, Zim cocked an eye at the Squeaky-thing. “And you, Squeaky-toy! You never prepare this fast-breaking meal for Zim!”

“That's because I don't like you, Zim. And Gaz just did me a favor. All you ever do is...cause me to need favors.”

“And all you ever do is...is eat corn! Corn-eater! Now! I am going to get this disgusting body that brought you life ready, so if you're going to eat more corn, you must do it now!” With that, Zim took his leave, marching up the stairs to change clothes and utilize one of the primitive human devices that would hardly make a difference in the relentless process that tore at the insides of the body he was in like a red-beaked slor-beast in heat.

Pepito shook his head. “What is his deal with corn?”

“Oh, it used to make his guts sizzle and his head throb.” Dib smiled fondly at the memory