Sublime Awakenings

Sublime Awakenings: Chapter 53


Todd pulled the rainbow comforter from Letta's bed, then the pink sheets and stuffed them into the laundry basket on the floor with the bedding from the guest room before grabbing a pillow and turning it to one side so that it fell out of its case. They had already gotten all the groceries requested for the weekend, as well as cleaned the guest room where his mom had been staying because Brian's parents would be sleeping there during their stay. There was only about an hour left until Brain returned with them from the airport with Leon in tow. Letta had dropped him off at Brian's office before picking Todd up from skool because he had still been upset from the fight … or whatever it had been.

It had taken some prying on his part, but after the shopping, she had told Todd, once they were firmly locked in her car with the tinted windows rolled up, what she had briefly glimpsed on the playground, and it had sent shivers down his spine. Of course, Letta still didn't know about Shmee, and she wasn't sure if what she'd seen had really happened, but Todd knew. He also knew that Shmee hadn't been able to do anything like that, anything that manipulated the material environment, when he had been attached to him and the bear. So, his attachment to Leon was definitely different than it had been with him. He would have to talk to Leon about it alone … and hope that Shmee didn't see him as a threat now as well.

As he moved on to the next pillow, he watched Letta as she went around the room selecting objects to pack into a plastic box-like container, as well as organizing some of his own stuff. He smiled. "Trying to impress someone?"

"Oh." She paused for a second. "Jordan's just … a lot neater than me."

"And me? Sorry about that. I could take some of these books down to the study." His closed lips creased slightly to one side as he contemplated spending the night in the downstairs study. That was where Leon had been sleeping ever since Zim, in the guise of his mother, had taken the guest room, so tonight they would be sharing it. It was a great chance for awkward and otherwise horrible things to happen.

"No. That's alright." She smiled back nervously. "She's smarter than me too."

"Heh, but that's to be expected, isn't it?" He shrugged, then laughed when she picked up the naked pillow to hit him in the head.

"I'm not stupid, Squee; I'm just shallow."

"You mean there's a difference?" This time he ducked and the pillow missed. "I'm kidding, Letta. Besides, she already likes you or she wouldn't be meeting your family, right?"

"Yeah. That's true." After taking a long look at the pillow in her hands, she dropped it back onto the bare mattress to go back to her collecting. "It's just, we haven't really been dating seriously all that long, you know? Only about a month. And I didn't mean to invite her over at the same time as Gran and Gramps. Do you think it's too soon?"

As he tucked new, white sheets under the mattress edge, he grunted a laugh. "You think I know? All of my romantic type knowledge is theoretical. You should just be happy Zim's not here to meet her."

"Oh, God, Zim. I would make something up and cancel. How's that little green bastard doing anyway?"

"I dunno. He's depressed, I think. Dib won't tell me the whole story, but he's been pretty quiet at skool and moopy too."

"You think it's something between them?"

"And, we're right back to my theoretical knowledge. I have no idea. I barely even have ideas when it comes to my own life."

She rested the container on a hip to smirk at him. "Is there something you wanna talk about?"

Sighing down at the just-made bed with a flowery, wrinkle-free comforter, he turned around to sit on it before finally pushing a reluctant 'yes' passed his lips.

"Well?"

"How do you know when someone likes you?"

"Todd, are you serious?" She set the container on the floor to take a seat next to him on the bed. "That's really elementary stuff there."

"Yeah. Well, I know most of the theories about why and how people fall in love, and the 'true love' myth crap. I've had crushes, but I've had no actual experience … until recently, I guess."

"Recently?" One of her eyebrows arched up as she pulled her legs up onto the bed and crossed them in an Indian-style position.

Todd shook his head, hoping to avert her before she settled into long discussion mode. "I don't really want to go into details, but I'm not having sex, okay?"

"Okay. But if you were, you'd need condoms and dental damn and probably-"

"I know, I know." He shrugged reluctantly. "Well, you know, in theory."

She nodded. "So, you have a question in there somewhere."

"Yeah. What if someone likes you, or it seems like they do, and they flirt with you and kiss you a lot, but then they just stop."

"Uh, that maybe you have bad breath?"

"Haha. I have a toothbrush in my looker at skool for after lunch …."

"Aside from that being freakish and potentially obsessive-compulsive, I'd really need to know more. Did you act all shy and never kiss them back?"

"Why would I do that?" He looked down briefly. "Okay, I did do that at first. But I-"

"I know. You're skittish, and afraid and paranoid about all kinds of things, but those aren't good dating skills. You can't exactly expect people to make exceptions because of your past in this area."

"Yeah, but I've been trying to be more assertive and make moves and stuff, and he responds, but-"

"Wait, he?"

"Uh … yeah." Shit. He hadn't meant to let an actual pronoun slip out, but now that it was done, he might as well go all the way. "Pepito."

"Sweet Holy Mother of Fuck. He's been kissing you?"

"Uh, yeah. Well, I did kiss him back …."

"Motherfucker."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No. I can tell it's something. What is it, really?"

"I just … sorta told him not to."

"Why?"

"Because I thought you were straight! And you're just enough of a pushover that you might let him even if you didn't want it. Why didn't you tell me you were gay?" She laughed. "It's not like I'd judge you."

"Because I'm not?" He creased his brows, then shook his head, well aware that it was, in fact, a lot like she would judge him. "You know I'm not. And I'm not that much of a push-over. I do know how to say 'stop'. 'Go' is more where my problem lies."

"Come on, Squee, you have to be. If you like guys, you're gay."

"Noo. I don't have to be anything. Not all guys who like guys are exclusively gay. And I don't really like guys … just Pepito. Other than him, I've only ever liked girls … I still like girls."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. Although it's not like I go around checking out every person I see to test it. That'd be kind of gross."

"Right. I think you're just young and confused. Once you get used to judging people sexually, you'll probably figure out who you like."

"Yeah. Okay. I am young … and kind of confused. But I don't think I need to get comfortable with mentally reducing people to their bodies and potential sex acts. That's not sexual attraction; it's just objectification. Attraction is about the whole person … and desire for reciprocated feelings that can be expressed through actions."

"Yeah. You read too much philosophy." She shrugged. "But alright, look. You've liked girls for a long time, right? I know you've liked Gaz for a few years."

He cringed at her last sentence. "Uh, yeah. But don't-"

"I won't tell her. I know how important it is to you to never take any risks."

"That's not just a risk. There's no point in telling someone if they can't like you back. Plus, she'd-"

"Yeah, yeah. So, you just started feeling this way after you found out that Pepito likes you?"

"...yeah. I guess. I mean before then, it had just never really occurred to me as a possibility. Sometimes it seemed like he might be flirting with me over the phone, but it was pretty subtle, and I thought he was probably just being silly."

"Well, maybe you don't really like him. Maybe you're just pressuring yourself into doing something that you think will make your friend happy."

"I don't think so. I told you, I'm not that much of a push-over. Talking myself into thinking I like it? That's even worse than before." He rested his head in his hand as though the topic was too heavy for his brain. "For the last couple weeks, it's been, well, like our friendship isn't even as close as it was before. And I know it's stupid, but sometimes I feel like he's brushing me off just because I'm not getting special attention … I've never been that spoiled for attention before. So, then I feel hurt and jealous, and stupid for feeling that way to begin with."

Letta paused for a moment to chew on the inside of her gum. "You're not going to like this, but remember my friend Troy? He liked me all through high skool even though he knew I would never like him like that too. And then when he finally got a girlfriend last year, I was really jealous. But I didn't like him. I was just really used to being the center of his attention. I didn't want him, but I didn't want him to want anyone else either."

"That's … actually pretty horrible, Letta."

"I know, but it's how I felt. I had to make myself get over it because I was being a selfish bitch."

"Are you saying that's what I am?" He frowned.

"Every time he gets too close to someone else, you pay more attention to him, right? And then when he's interested again, you pull back?"

"I … maybe, "he reached up to scratch the back of his neck as images from today and the previous week ran through his mind, " ... yes."

"And you like flirting with him as long as you know it can't or won't go anywhere?"

"... yes."

"Then, yeah. Sorry, Squee, but you're a selfish bitch. And in a way that's just as bad as those assholes that can't just be your friend if they like you and you don't like them back. If you want to keep him as a friend, you're gonna have to let him get over you."

"But the thought of … going anywhere like that with anyone kind of scares me. I think I'd feel that way with anyone I liked right now."

She nodded. "That's probably just the young and inexperienced thing again. I guess just the uncertainty could make you act like a selfish bitch anyway. But I'm not sure there's anything for that but time and experience, ya know? I haven't really been that confused since I was twelve."

"I don't … think I'm as far behind as a twelve year old. I'm still pretty sure that I like him. I like being around him. It's like everything's just a little bit more exciting and interesting. And I liked the kissing." He paused for a second to gather his thoughts so he could present them in a nice speech bundle. "I kind of have this thing … it's really unlikely for me to let myself have those kinds of feelings for someone if I don't think there's a possibility of them liking me back, so I don't end up setting myself up for rejection, I guess. Your dad would probably say it's related to the abandonment issues with my parents. So it makes sense that I wouldn't really start noticing him that way right off."

She frowned. "So, at some point you thought Gaz might like you back?"

"No. Gaz is a freak occurrence. I guess she slipped through the cracks … or I let myself like her because I knew I'd never, ever have the courage to tell her about it since she'd destroy me, so it was safe." He frowned too at his own reminder that Gaz and Pepito were both sort of scary. He hoped that it wasn't true, but there was deep suspicion in his mind that the scariness might be somehow related to his liking them: maybe it was just that fear caused physical arousal that could be interpreted in different ways depending on social circumstances, or maybe it was that he unconsciously associated scariness with the kind of resilience that could stand up to his nightmares, making it a indicator that a person might stick around in his life.

"That's really sad … and messed up. You might want to talk about that in therapy."

"Maybe." He shrugged it away. "But anyway, the problem isn't really whether I like Pepito; it's more if he likes me. He kind of flirts with a lot of people, and I can't always tell what he means by it. Before I felt like we were moving way too fast, and he said he'd back off, which is good. But now I have to make all the moves, which I'm not very good at."

"Humm. He's bisexual, right?"

"Pansexual, I think, but sure, yeah."

"Psh. Pansexual is just PC speak for bisexual."

"No, it's-"

"Anyway, you might want to think about focusing on someone with a more solid orientation. There are only really three types of 'bisexuals': people that know they're gay, but are afraid to come out all the way, people who are really just confused like you and people that are just greedy and don't care about other people's feelings." She slapped another finger into her palm with each point. "Those bisexual girls that just do stuff to show off for guys are a subtype of the last category."

Todd let out a prolonged sigh. "See, this is exactly why I didn't tell you before. You always have to fit everything into an exclusive little category that supports what you want to be true no matter what the reality is. And you want it to be true for a really stupid reason too, just like how you always used to say Agnostics are just Atheists without balls."

"Todd, I'm just looking out for you. You've already said that he flirts with everyone, and, trust me, you don't want your first time to end like that." She smirked. "And Agnostics are a lot like bisexuals: going through a confused phase or just afraid to admit that religion is bullshit, even though deep down they know it. You can't just live in a perpetual state of indecision."

"God, Letta. Neither one is indecision, alright? Not everyone feels and thinks just like you, and it's just as hard for some of them to see things from your point of view. Not all Atheists even reject religion, some just reject the God part. Most Agnostics aren't just unsure; they think it's impossible to know if there's a God or not, so Atheism is just as wrong as Theism for a lot of them. And sexuality is like a finger print. If you wanted to try to measure it, you'd need a whole lot of intersecting scales, and very few people would fall into the same places on all of them. And that's not even taking into account that people change over time."

"Sexuality does not change over time, thank you. I didn't just wake up one morning and decide to be a lesbian. It's not a choice."

"I never said anything about it being a choice or something you can control. Just because something develops over time with experience or has a big social element does make it a choice at all … though I don't see how that has anything to do with morality or validation. According to one of your dad's books, pedophilia and homosexuality both have about a fifty percent biological component, but no one sane thinks that makes pedophilia okay."

"Are you off your meds again?"

" … no." He made sure to look her in the eyes so she wouldn't know that he was lying. Well, technically, he had never restarted the pills, so the 'again' part was true.

"Then you better get your shit together instead of insulting me right now. Just because you're afraid you might be gay doesn't mean you get to be a dick."

"Ugh! I'm not afraid of being gay; I'm just not. If I was afraid, I wouldn't be talking to you about how I want to go out with a guy right now. And I'm not insulting you; you're just stupid." He cringed. "Okay. Now I'm insulting you, I guess. Sorry. But I'm not comparing the morality of being gay to being a pedophile. I'm saying the morality has nothing to do with choice and everything to do with harm, or in the case of being gay, lack of harm. Even if pedophilia was completely, one-hundred percent innate, it would still be wrong, and even if being gay was completely a matter of choice, it would still not be wrong."

"Oh. I guess that's alright then. Except the part about me being stupid. I want an apology for that."

He let out another deep breath, not mentioning that he had already apologized because apparently a last minute concession in the middle of an argument didn't count. "I'm sorry. You're not stupid, but you need to learn some pattern recognition because it should be pretty obvious I'm not a bigot by now." Even if she kind of was. Still, as much as Todd hated her sometimes illogical prejudices, he also hated confrontation, especially the kind that reared up to inject its venom right before a big family dinner.

With narrowed eyes, she stared at him for a few seconds. "Fine. I'm sorry too." A few minutes passed in silence as they both continued to sit there on the bed. "So, what were we talking about?"

"Nothing." Todd stood up and grabbed the laundry basket.

"Wait, Squee, really." She stood up too. "I'm sorry for being so uptight, okay? Maybe you really are bisexual; maybe Pepito is too, but that still doesn't mean he's good for you."

"Yeah. I know. And thanks, but we don't have much time left." He nodded toward the digital clock on her nightstand, which read fifteen till six.

Her eyes widened, and she made a mad dash for the plastic container on the floor. "Shit! Okay, fifteen minutes. Thirty, tops. Go stick that in the dryer."

"Right." He gave the basket an unnecessary lift for emphasize as he turned to go.

---------------Scene Shift---------------

Zim glared out at the wrenched human city from the roof of the apartment building that he was renting a shabby studio at, surveying the filthy poverty that plagued this area. From one side, there was a sea of tall buildings, crisscrossed with dirty canal-like streets; from the other, a wasteland of subdivisions with modest dwelling units ranging from run-down to just falling down. If his pak served him, the Squeeky kid didn't live too far from the run-down area. He didn't think that the "log-cabin" dwellings the Letta-human had mentioned could be much worse than that! Or this place where he was currently abiding either.

He let out a deep sigh that was really more of a hiss, his long thin tongue wiggling in the breeze so high up that he knew none of the pig-smellies below would notice. It was pathetic, this place, this 'third street'. The exact name of the dwelling complex was the 'Sweaty Pit' for Irk's sake! Still, he felt oddly drawn to it, and not just because it was one of the only establishments that would let him pay in cash and without proof of ID or parents. Sometimes he thought that it looked like he felt on the inside with its broken windows and mismatched, peeling paint. Three whole floors of one of its two "wings" were unoccupied because of a large hole in the face of the structure itself that let in all of the Earth elements to degrade what they could. But after such thoughts he wanted to give himself a pumbling because Zim was no mooping emo mall-rat thing! He would not be confined to underground parking!

A frown tugged his lips down. He had spent too much time on this spinning ball of dirt; so much that he was becoming acculturated. It made him want to scream, to tear at his lekku, but what could he do now? He was dead to the Empire and a prime target for the Tallest if he dared show his amazing face in Irken territory again. Or so they thought. He smirked. Since he had removed his ID code, he could pass among them without setting off any alarms, as long as he didn't do anything that required a data scan. And he was no longer compelled to blindly obey without the personality temperance. If they had feared him before, then now-now … now he didn't know.

The truth was that he really hadn't known what he wanted for quiet some time. He had lived the last few years of his life on Earth in a sort of limbo, trapped between fearful denial and ambition, all the while unconsciously growing a festering sickness in his squiggly-spooch that manifested itself as some kind of feeling for the horrible creatures on this planet- more than he had for his own race, at least. And more than they had ever had for him, although he still didn't understand it.

It seemed to be related to the churning somehow. He knew the Dib was the the primary source of said churning because the feelings always grew around him, but the unfathomable part was that it was even worse when he left the Earth. Then the churning felt cold instead of hot, and it was a churning of emptiness swirling around within him. If he stayed out long enough, it would start to make him paranoid sometimes that it would form an actual vortex and consume him like his Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob had Tallests Miyuki and Spork back when he had been a Science Officer.

It was horrifying, and it didn't even have the decency to end there. No, he had started feeling the empty churning at other times as well, like when he had given the Squeak to Bitters and when the Gaz-beast had stolen his last remaining minion. Where once there would have only been a fluttery tickle, now there was this horrible huyman thing!

He glanced around, quickly seizing a broken chunk of gravel from the ledge of the building's roof to toss it down at the humans below. It was a gesture of Elite will, a retribution for the sickness of this place, that like its germs, wouldn't stop coming for any living thing until it was covered, inside and out.

"And once inside, it multiples," Zim muttered darkly to himself as he watched the gravel a man leaving the building by inches, forcing out a short burst of laughter when the shock made said man lose his grip on the flaps of his tan trench coat, which let a long column of horrible neck-meats roll down his chest in the open air. A shifting of ply wood and ruble on the concert flat of the roof made Zim drop a second piece before turning on his heel to see Torque Smacky approaching him, not from the flat doors that exited the stairs, but from the other direction. "You, Smacky! How long have you been there?"

Torque shrugged as he walked closer. "Long enough to watch you brood and commit reckless endangerment."

"How dare you stalk Zim!"

"Yeah, I guess that job's reserved for Dib, huh?"

"Yes! I mean no! I mean, the Dib is merely insane."

"Oh yeah? Then why're you going out with him?"

"Because! Because we … we share a revoltingly mutual infection of affectional germs."

"That's not … code for an STD, is it?" He cringed. "I heard you say something earlier about something multiplying … inside?"

"Eh? ST-No, worm-baby, it's not … I don't think … no. The Dib and I have not exchanged-" He halted his speech to change tangents and make a shooing motion with his hands. "Enough! Be gone with you. Back to your dwelling unit!"

Raising both hands in a gesture of defeat, Torque stepped back a few feet, but didn't turn to go. "Sorry, Zim. You don't have to get all defensive. It's just, what you said- you're really weird, you know? I mean, really weird. Like almost enough that I can see why Dib's always saying you're an alien."

"Zim said run along, pig-smell! Have you the brain worms?" Zim went up on his tip-toes to get more height with the exclamation. "Zim wishes to be alone!"

"No brain worms. Just some minor head trauma from Homecoming last year. And this is just as much my roof as yours. This has been my thinking spot since fourth grade."

"Fine. Zim will find his own spot, and it will be the most magnificent, most superior spot there is on this lowly slab of re-mixed rock!" He turned to go.

"Wait! Zim," Torque walked the few yards that Zim had put between them, "I wanted to talk to you."

Turning stiffly, Zim did his best to glower up at the six foot one pig-skin ball player. "Zim will not go out, or in … especially in, with you."

Torque's felt his eyes widen. "No! I don't want … I don't date guys."

"Neither does Chunk, according to him."

"Oh. Well, Chunk's just as asshole."

"And you're not?"

"I don't think I am." Turning his head away, Torque looked out at the darkening city sky, to the few stars that he could make out through the smog and electric lights. Of course, they never had any answers; they were too obscured and too far away, like his life from just a few months ago. "All that stuff with the football team, I didn't know about it. At that party or before. Maki and some of the others didn't either. Guess they figured we would tell." He sighed when Zim just stared. "Chunk's probably gonna get off light for testifying against the others since he 'just watched' or whatever."

Zim's eyes narrowed. "Why are you telling this to Zim?"

"I don't know, man. Dib's scary sister was dating him, then. You might be able to get her to testify instead so they don't need him maybe, if she saw anything. And you could appear as a character witness against him, since, you know, he's probably done more than watch before."

"That shows what little you know, human. The Gaz-beast is not the type to inconvenience herself for anyone but herself, so unless ..." Unless maybe he stole her gaming device and placed the blame on Chunk-but he didn't want that. He wanted to hurl Chunk into the sun. If only the Dib would let him use more of his technologies.

"Well, I'm just saying it's worth a try maybe." Torque shrugged.

"Perhaps." Moments passed, and Zim became increasingly annoyed that the human was still standing there. He finally let out a long sigh and turned to find another spot, as was his original plan.

"Zim?"

He stopped in his tracks, his body stiff from irritation, and turned on his hill to face Torque again. "Oh, what is it now?"

"You're not used to this, right?"

"What is 'this'?"

"This," Torque raised his arms to indicate the building and its surroundings, "this … poverty, right?"

"Not quite, no, but since my parental units were destroyed in the attack on my home, I have no where else to go until I can … find my other relatives … in my country of origin. Why do you ask?"

"It's nothing personal, but aside from being weird, you've always come off as a stuck-up elitist that never gave anyone else the time of day."

"Yesss." Zim's eyes narrowed once again. "You know, pig-smelly, you have a very strange way of acknowledging Zim's superiority."

"Right. Sorry. The point is that my girlfriend-you know Jessica, right? Well, she's a lot like you in that way."

Zim grit his teeth together at the ridiculous words. Jessica, a mere human, as superior as Zim? There was no way!

"Her parents have a lot more money than mine, obviously, but they're not so rich that we could just glide along. I'm pretty sure she was only into me because I'm so good at football, at least at first."

"The point, Smacky, give it to Zim already!" He stamped his foot on the roof to back up the tone of his words.

"Alright." Torque looked down for a few long seconds. "She's pregnant. She's not showing yet, but she's a few months along, and I don't know what we're going to do-what she's going to do. If I don't keep playing and going to skool, I'm not going to get a scholarship. Our relationship is already kind of on the fritz because somehow people at skool found out, and Jess thinks I told them. If I don't get a scholarship, I'll be just another loser and she'll dump me for sure. But if she has it, I'm gonna have to get a full time job that won't leave time for skool and football. If she doesn't now everyone will know, and either way, she's not gonna be so cool anymore. She's not doing well with that either."

"You two produced a human larva with your filthy juices? And now it lives inside her body like a parasite, growing day by hideous day and stealing her vital nutrients?" Taking a step back, Zim clutched his own arms with hands as if it would protect him from such horrors. The memory of living in the female human body with that grotesque capability was still so fresh on his mind. "Disgusting!"

"Could we skip the girls are icky part?" Torque rolled his eyes. "I need to know how to get her to forgive me and stop freaking the fuck out about what people think."

"And you're asking Zim? Why!"

Torque frowned. Zim's emphasis on the word 'why' had sounded more like he was bemoaning how unfair it was that such horrible things as this always happened to him instead of responding to the question. He guessed that was good, though. It meant he'd come to the right person. "I told you already. Her attitude prob-ahem. Her attitude is a lot like yours, and now she's feeling pretty low … also like you. So, I figured you might have some ideas on how to make it better."

The three fingers on each of Zim's hands dug into his arms through the sleeves of his crimson shirt, though otherwise his posture remained rigid. What was with these people and their personal, emotional questionings about individual weaknesses! And this-this was even worse than what he'd had to endure with the Brian-human because at least then he'd just been acting as the Squeak's parental unit. But Torque was talking to the real Zim, about his real life, even if he didn't know the full extent of his downfall.

"So, do you have any? Ideas?"

"Stupid huyman. Don't you think if I knew how to make myself happy, I would?"

"Well, I guess." Torque looked down at his foot as he traced a path absently in the rubble. "Sorry. I'm just gonna go back inside then."

"She has to let them go."

"What?"

"Those stupid judgy people that she worries about. They don't matter. They could never really give her anything she wants anyway … nothing real … just cold, unfeeling programming. It's the only reason they're good at what they do, and if you're not, you're not welcome there, but it's not … it's not bad … to be different. When the programming fails, you just … you have to find what you really want, and then-then you just do it! And you don't need their acceptance anymore because you have your own, and you don't worry about the drones anymore." Zim found himself nodding along with his own impassioned words, in agreement, but still somehow shocked by it all. It was like emotional vomit: sickening and true and freeing and it wouldn't stop even when he wished it would. "And if you're really lucky, you might find other people, real people, that are just as broken and amazing as you, and for the first time someone really sees you, and you see you, and you know why you've always been so lonely with the drones. And you're glad! Glad that you're broken!"

Torque just stood there, staring as Zim's frame grew looser and he pumped a fist into the air near the end. Afterward, there was a strange feeling, like the air was charged with emotional electric waves that might strike him if he moved wrong, and he wasn't sure if he didn't want that. "Wow, Zim. That was pretty deep. I don't know if I can make it sound as good as you just did, but I'll give it a try. Thanks."

"Eh?" Zim raised a brow ridge. He had almost forgotten that Torque was there, much less that he had been giving him mating advice. "Oh. Yes. You're quite welcome, stink-beast."

"Right. Well, I'm gonna go write that down before I forget."

As he walked back toward the stair well, Zim fought the urge to make a comment about how very pathetic he was with his forgetting of such sheer brilliance. He managed to keep it to himself, but at the last moment, he called out all the same. "Smacky!"

"Uh, yeah?"

He beckoned him back over with a curved finger. "Zim demands payment for his glorious and invaluable advice!"

"Payment? Seriously?"

"Yes. I have some … relationship questions of my own." As he watched Torque cross his arms and nod his head, Zim felt his spooch jiggle with a nervousness that made him fell slightly sick, but he wasn't going to turn back. Somehow, he felt taller now, not because of the inches he had added to his clone-body, but because of a new-found security that seemed to come from within. He had never known that he could grow like this on the inside.

END CHAPTER!
Notes:


-The Infinite Energy Absorbing creature and its eating of previous Tallests comes from the script for The Trial. The man with the neck-meats is Turkey Neck, who Dib meets in Chicken Foot at the Sweaty Pit.

-Torque Smacky is a kid from Invader Zim in Dib & Zim's class (see Dark Harvest). He really does live in the Sweaty Pit in IZ-his name is listed there in Chicken Foot. Jessica is the stuck-up blond girl from their class as well (see Bestest Friend). This section draws from ch 6 where Pepito told a large group in the library about Jessica's pregnancy because she was picking on Gretchen, even though he is sort of friends with Torque. It probably seems random now because I wrote that so long ago.

-I tried not to make the biaphobic arguing scene too preachy and extensive, but eh... it is an argument meant to show flaws with political agendas manipulating social truth in illogical and often counterproductive ways and with people assuming everyone whose experience/feelings are different than them is wrong/lying. Letta does that with monosexual identity and Pepito does it by assuming that all monosexuals are lying/in denial (but he doesn't force labels on them and insult them out right like Letta does to nonmonsexuals, so in never turned into an argument). Anyway, since this story was changed from a Gaz/Squee to PepSquee long ago and I'd already written in Squee liking Gaz, he's technically bisexual in this fic (and most of my other writings because it bleed through), and bisexual people inevitability face these kinds of attitudes, especially from the gay community.

-Probable biological predisposition for pedophilia is true. I learned about it in a college level abnormal psychology class and there are examples of research all over google (here's one: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/86364.php). Same is true for violent crime, heroism and all kinds of things. They still have huge environmental components, and the most unbiased, unflawed "gay studies" (and there aren't many that aren't flawed and politically motivated) indicate a similar complex interaction model.

-Pansexual-can be differentiated from bisexual because the bi implies attraction to people of two sexes (men and women), while pansexuality implies all or many sexes of people (men, women, transexuals, intersexed people -xxy, xo, xyy, ect-, gender queer people and in a scific/fantasy type story like this also aliens, demons, and other beings with sentience that aren't human). Most pansexuals also identify as bi in addition to offer solidarity to the most visible nonmonosexual label, though there is overlap aside from that as well -some bisexuals will only date men and women, some are closer to pansexual and some have a different attraction scale all together.