Braving it in the New World
Awake and Dreaming
Donatello stroked Charlie’s hair and kissed her forehead while she slept. He loved her so much and he was glad that she still loved him, even after he’d told her the bad news.
It was something that he’d needed to find out. It had been nagging at him; a rotten thought in the back of his mind. He knew she was curious about it too, so he’d jerked off into a glass beaker and made a slide so he could look at his sperm with his microscope. His soldiers had looked normal enough, but when he’d dropped in some artificial estrogen from a menopause drug, nothing had happened. His sperm didn’t care. Don had gotten a “sample” from a very reluctant Casey Jones and repeated the same experiment; Casey’s sperm had gone wild around the estrogen.
Don brought Charlie into his lab so she could see the awful truth; if she stayed with him, she’d never have children.
Don knew that she was disappointed; so was he. Sometimes, when they’d been cuddled in bed together, late at night, they’d talked and whispered about all the little dreams and hopes they had... Charlie had wanted a big family to make up for being an only child whose only living relatives were her two awful parents.
Donatello had never really thought much about having kids... Hell, a year and a half ago he never would have thought that he’d ever even have sex! But the way she talked about wanting a nice, big family someday... she’d made it sound so nice.
He sighed heavily and the precious vision of holding a pretty, little girl in his arms went up in a puff of smoke. At least they knew where they stood now... they knew what was possible and what wasn’t.
It was probably for the best, Don figured. Who knows what their offspring would have looked like? He didn’t want any child of his to suffer physically or emotionally because he or she was too freakishly mutated or even deformed.
They hadn’t told the guys yet that the turtles were sterile.
Charlie rolled over in Donatello’s arms and sighed happily in her sleep. He wondered what she was dreaming about. He pulled the blankets higher up around her and tucked his nose into her hair so he could breathe her in. She’d told him that it wouldn’t change anything between them, but as the weeks went on, he found himself pleasantly disagreeing with her; it brought them closer together. It was their secret, their sadness, their burden to share.
At least they didn’t have to spend money on birth control anymore.
Don sighed and rolled over, hating himself for not being able to give her something she wanted. He felt around on the floor for his belt, found the hidden pocket, and fished out the ring. He’d been carrying it around for a month and he was secretly very proud of it. It wasn’t something he’d found in the sewer or in the trash... no, Charlie deserved better than that. Donatello had actually bought the ring. He’d pawned all the old bits of jewelry that he’d picked up over the years, and he’d cleaned the junky scrap metal out of his storage room. It would be years before he could build up a stash of stuff like that again, but that was the whole point of a diamond ring, wasn’t it? Sacrificing to prove your love. Making do with less to show her that you could take care of her.
Don snorted and watched the ring sparkle white and blue in the moonlight. He hadn’t realised it until his lab tests, but the only thing he had to offer her was a child... a family of her own someday... and now he didn’t even have that. He had nothing to give her but a ring. True, it was an expensive ring, but it was just a metal circle with a piece of pressurized coal attached to it. It wasn’t the home in the country that she wanted, or the romantic trip to Paris, or the university education, or a family... no, that part wasn’t really true... she had a family now with the turtles... still, it wasn’t quite the same.
Donatello tucked the ring away and lay on his back staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t even have an apartment in his name, a passport, or old-age pension. He had nothing to offer her but his faithfulness and love... and he knew that, realistically, it wasn’t enough.