No Dating for the Batman

Disclaimer: We don't own Batman and Wonder Woman and aren't making any money from this story.

Thanks to Artemis for the beta
 

No Dating for the Batman

by Athena Phoenix

Part One: The Invitation

The sun was barely rising over the tops of the trees when Batman entered the Batcave. It had been an uneventful night… well, in fact, a boring night. Two badly executed convenience store jobs, with perps who had literally soiled themselves when he had come onto the scene. He had been so piqued that he had actually berated one of them for it. "They really love bedwetters at the penitentiary," he had growled to one of them. Stupid bastards. The Joker wouldn't even have taken them on as first line goons.

"Sir…" Alfred intercepted him as he came into the main house, cutting short his brooding reverie.

"Yes, Alfred?" Bruce was still hanging his cape.

Alfred handed him a folded piece of cream-colored notepaper, sealed in red wax.

"Miss Diana was here this evening and left this for you…." his voice trailed off.

Bruce broke the seal and stared at the contents.

Tuesday
8:00 P.M.
450 Gotham Place, Apartment 17
Don't be late.

That was the Themysciran royal seal, he thought. What's Diana up to now?

"Alfred?"

"Yes sir?"

"Did D… did Miss Diana tell you anything?"

"No, she was quite… businesslike."

"Curt?"

"Commanding."

Oh boy. Here we go again…bossy as ever. "I see."

"You shan't be back tonight, then?" Alfred's voice was just slightly too innocent. Bruce narrowed his eyes and gave Alfred a full-force Batman glare.

"Like hell I won't."

"Of course, sir." He bowed and left the room.

Only Alfred could be both obsequious and sarcastic at the same time.

* * *

"Rreep rreep."

This had better be a League emergency, Diana thought hazily as she stumbled around her new apartment, trying to locate her communicator.

"Rreep rreep."

Not on the dresser, not on the dining table – where the Hades is it?!

"Rreep rreep."

Hestia, help me find this accursed thing! Her prayer must have been answered, because after stubbing her toe on her new coffee table and uttering a few more Amazonian imprecations, she at last located the errant device.

"Wonder Woman here. What's the situation?"

"I told you how I feel about dating," Bruce growled, without preamble.

Dammit Bruce, you insomniac! Don't you know what time it is?! "Didn't you also lecture all of us about using the Justice League communications network exclusively for League business?" she snapped, rubbing her eyes.

"Don't change the subject, Princess. I told you…"

He wouldn't have bothered to call if he wasn't at least somewhat interested, Diana realized suddenly, a wry smile appearing on her face. He just wouldn't have shown up. Aphrodite, give me the words to say.

"Date? But Bruce, this isn't a date," she purred softly. "It's an… experience."

I could have sworn I heard him gulp. Ahh, silly men. Good for only one thing… well, two or three things, if they have the energy.

Her voice became steely, commanding. "I still expect to see you tonight. You might want to come in through the window if you don't want the paparazzi to catch you. And Bruce?"

"Yes?" He sounded resigned. Good.

"Rest up. You're going to need your stamina." She clicked off her communicator, smiling in the dark.

Bruce clicked off his communicator, an eyebrow cocked wryly. How the hell did I lose this argument?

* * *