Elevator Music

Title: Elevator Music
Series: Spider-Man 2
Rating: Rish, for dirty, dirty elevator antics, and because I am a whore and am going to hell.
Notes: Elevator Guy/Spider-Man. Spidey POV, although my Parker-voice is suspect. This is the closest to RPF I will ever get. Also, don't take this too seriously. While Hal and Tobey are both hot, I seriously doubt this would have happened. (Although, can't really know about outtakes until the dvd release....)
Disclaimer: Marvel owns Spider-Man, MJ, Harry and...whoever else. Um...I guess the writers of the movie and Sony own Elevator Guy? I mean...I really don't know who would own him. Maybe Hal Sparks owns himself? I have no clue. Anyways...yeah, I own nothing but this sorry excuse for a story. Oh, and there's a line in here that made me snort. If you're a comic nerd like me, you'll know which one.

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There are some days that are just bad. Days where you just lose your keys or are late for work or you stain your favourite shirt with your coffee.

Then there are days like this.

What the hell is the point of being a superhero if, not only do the powers give out on you randomly, but they make you land in horribly embarassing manners on expensive Soho rooftops and force you to take the elevator still in your costume?

Not to mention, the music in this thing. Who told people that glockenshpiel-only versions of "Mandy" were soothing? Because they're really not. Especially when one has a headache from landing so hard about twenty stories up from where one currently is.

The elevator's slowing down. I can feel my eyes widen.

Crap.

Of course I can't make it to the lobby without incident. No, I have to stop on floor twenty-three. Probably a soccer mom and her eight screaming children who will use me for a jungle gym while sticking candy to my suit. Fabulous.

The doors open and...well, it's no soccer mom, that's for sure.

Same height as me, but early 30s I think. Very expensive suit on a very metrosexual-looking guy. Large basset-hound with Tiffany collar. He starts when he sees me, but only for a second.

Well, we are in Manhattan. You weren't expecting genuine surprise, were you?

He gets in the elevator, of course, and pushes the Lobby button, despite it already being lit. I can feel him glance at me a few times, probably making sure he isn't going crazy. I don't say anything because...really what am I going to say? 'Hi your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man here. Nice weather we're having?' He probably just thinks I'm going to some party or something.

Preparing for silence. Please let the lobby be soon.

"Cool Spidey outfit."

Whoa. Okay. Not expecting that. I swallow quickly, then reply with "Uh...thanks."

He looks...amused. He glances at me again, the corners of his mouth are up in a little smile.

I think he's trying not to laugh.

Can't say that I blame him. I mean...I probably would be too.

"Where'd you get it?"

Ah. So he does think I'm just going to a costume party.

"I, uh made it."

He nods, with the same amused little expression on his face. I'm glad one of us finds this funny, because...awkward. Haven't been this awkward since the day after the first time MJ accidentally left her shade open after a shower.

You know, I probably shouldn't even go there. That's the last thing I need to be thinking about while in an elevator with Mr. Guy Smiley next to me.

Stupid costume starts riding up as the song changes from "Mandy" to "Girl from Impanema." Times like these, I wish I had gone with the jeans and shirt idea. Or maybe a duster over the spandex.

Oh for Pete's sake, come on lobby.

"It looks uncomfortable."

You know...millions of people in this city, and I get the one guy who keeps talking. Figures.

Might as well humour him.

"It gets a little itchy."

He's nodding like he understands. Right.

"And it rides up in the crotch a little."

He stops nodding and looks a little shocked, and I can't help but be just the tiniest bit embarassed. I've always had a problem in the too much information department, but that was just insane.

He's reaching for the next floor button and I have to fight to keep from slapping myself. Looks like I'll be alone the rest of the way after all.

The elevator's stopping. Oh good, now I can hang myself in peace.

Except the doors aren't opening. Why aren't the doors opening?

He's got that half-smile on his face again and he's just kinda staring at me with an eyebrow raised.

And...wow is it self-concious in here.

"Really?"

That was an...odd tone of voice. And um...what does one say to that? I guess the truth.

"Yeah. Especially when I'm just kinda standing around. Like now."

The smile I get back is a bit...it's kind-of like how Harry used to look at MJ when they were dating.

Wait a second...am I being hit on?

Because...it's a guy. Which...okay, I guess I can go ahead and substitute "homo" in for "metro." But...I've never...I mean...it's another guy.

All right, there was that one time at science camp with that Hank McCoy kid. And I guess I didn't hate it.

Okay, so I kinda liked it. A lot. But that was a one time thing...that happened several times during the three weeks we were there.

Okay, so it was a regular thing and we still talk over IM a lot.

And...Elevator Guy's kind-of in my personal space now. And he's smirking.

"You know...if you need some help with that...."

Wow. Yeah, I'm definitely being hit on.

Okay so Elevator Guy's actually really hot now that I'm paying attention. Like...really hot in that accessible kind-of way where you're not intimidated. Kind-of adorable, actually.

And now I'm really wishing for that trenchcoat. Oh, man.

He's still smiling. I don't know whether to hit or kiss him. Maybe I can do both.

"...If you're not in a hurry, I mean. I'm more than happy to assist you."

He's really close to me now. And he's pulling me closer and I'm really wishing I had picked a thicker fabric than spandex and he smells really good. He's pulling the mask up and...

Wow.

I think I have just become acquainted with the Best Kisser Ever.

I...I mean...wow. I could do this...not forever, but pretty close.

And he's got one hand up the shirt of the costume and it's really warm in here. And another hand's dipping into the tights and oh God.

Oh God that feels so...oh wow.... He's sucking on my neck and pulling the tights down and I don't think anything's ever felt this good in my entire life.

But wait...he's dropping to his knees...I think he's going to....

And, you know, I try not to. I really do. But I can't help myself.

"Going down?"

He chuckles. And then he does.

Maybe this day's looking up after all.

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I almost called this "Going Down." God, I'm retarded.