Crushed

*Disclaimer. Blah blah blah- I don't own the characters. Though I wish I did. If I did, I would be writing this in comics, not on this site. :D *

I can't stop looking at him. I can't tear my eyes away, though I know I should. He had his picture in the newspaper, that silly grin on his face. His face was flushed and glowing from the battle he'd just fought, and he was exhausted, but fairly unharmed. I rested my hand over the picture for a moment, letting myself get lost in what was him, staring at it for an eternity- or so it seemed. But the ring on his left hand sends me whirling back to reality as if I'd been slapped.

I cut the article out of the paper, and hid it away. That was two weeks ago.

He was coming back today. I'd be near him today. For the first time since he left the Titans, running away from me with all the speed he possessed. That was years ago; but after what I did to him, I was sure he still harbored a grudge. And why shouldn't he?

When I first heard that he was coming, I was flooded with too many emotions. But the first one, the one that hit me the hardest was dread. I wasn't afraid to see him- I was afraid for him to see me. Fear is one of the worst emotions, it makes people act... strangely. And I don't do fear. Or at least, I didn't used to.

I woke up early, and couldn't get back to sleep. I couldn't eat, I couldn't rest, I couldn't meditate... I could barely even breathe. So I did the only thing I could do. I paced. I paced myself up to the roof of the tower, staring out at the ocean. If there was one place I could breath- this was it. The sun was just rising, casting ruby, and topaz glows over the sea that sparkled every color of the rainbow as the light began to lazily chase away the shadows that hid and held my fears. After I had rested for a moment, I felt a prescence- it was Tim. He stayed in the shadows, keeping his distance.

"You're up early." He spoke quietly, barely above the silence that had been only a moment before. Silence was natural for both of us, we were comfortable in it- the same way we were comfortable in the dark. I simply nodded. Tim stared at me, trying to read my body language; and as a protege to Batman, I'm sure he could see straight through me- see my fear and my apprehension, but I doubt that he knew why I felt that way. After a few moments, he turned and left. He knew I enjoyed my solitude, but for once- I felt the urge to be around someone, I was afraid to face this day, to face him, alone. But Tim was gone. I turned my eyes back out to the ocean.

It was hours before I moved again, and even then, it was only a slight movement. My eyes widened as a ketchup and mustard stain streaked over the ocean, towards the Tower. He was almost here... His feet barely touched the surface of the water before they were already on the next step. I closed my eyes for a moment.

At one time, it had only taken that one moment for him to charge up to the roof, wrap me in his arms and start talking about the excitement of his day. But this was now. I had to keep reminding myself, this was now. He wasn't coming for me, and he definately wasn't going to take me in his arms and tell me his stories. I released my breath- I hadn't realized I'd been holding it- and felt as though my knees were going to give out. However, it was my feet that betrayed me first, carrying me down from the rooftop towards the living room. Voices floated up to my ears, laughing, joyous voices. One that I could pick out easily was Beast Boy's.

"Hey Fleet-feet! Haven't seen you in ages!" The Changling threw his arms around our guest in a bear hug- literally. The Flash laughed a bit and zipped around the bear to escape the hug, and gave him a well-deserved noogie.

I caught my breath. He was a beautiful as he'd always been. I couldn't face him though, I wasn't worth his time, even a glance from him would be too generous- but right as I started fading into the wall, Cassie grabbed my wrist and started dragging me down to the commotion, to the man I'd loved for years and years. My First and True Love. She grinned at me, not noticing the look of horror on my face, "C'mon- at least try to be social. I mean, weren't you two, like, in the Titans together back in the day?"

His emerald eyes lifted over Beast Boy's head and met mine, briefly. I lowered my eyes, and he looked away- then back, inclining his head towards me.

"Raven." He said, cordially. Cordially... I didn't think he would be able to be cordial towards me after what all I had done to him- but he was.. or he was trying to be at least.

"Flash." I responded. It felt odd calling him that, but we weren't exactly on a first-name basis anymore... and he was no longer Kid Flash- that title belonged to Bart.

Speaking of which, Kid Flash was dancing from foot to foot, unable to stay still. He was still in his pajamas. Bart didn't seem to think a lot about what he was doing, or what the social consequences might be. He didn't think a lot period. I think that's why I like him as much as I do. He looked back and forth from Wally to me, then finally blurted out.

"Hey, you never told me you knew all my friends!" He laughed a bit up at Wally, who forced a smile to his apprentice- but I could see one of his fists clenching and unclenching in an attempt to hide his true emotions. I could feel them though, feel them tightening around me like a vice.

"We were all in the Titans together, Bart." He answered calmly. But his hatred and disgust were choking me.

I managed to murmur a soft, "excuse me" before my body became insubstantial energy and I floated through the floors of the tower up to the roof again, and stood- alone- as someone like me should always be. I learned that lesson the hard way. But the hardest part of the day was over wasn't it? I mean... don't they say.. what doesn't kill you makes you strong eventually.... Or does it only kill you more slowly?