Return to Innocence

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Return to Innocence


I remember dreaming. I'm not sure what I was dreaming about, but it was something relatively pleasant, considering the alternative at least. Someone was calling my name. A familiar voice that for some reason I just couldn't place.

"Connor..?"

"Mmm." But the dream was fading, everything was getting dark and the voice was growing louder, more demanding- and I still couldn't figure out who it belonged to.

"Connor? Connor!"

My eyes snapped open with a jolt, and I pushed my fingers across my forehead, blonde hair falling in every direction- I looked up to see my bedroom door opened, and frowned a little at the silhouette in the doorway. "Mia? " My voice sounded groggy and scratchy, even to me. I glanced at the clock before looking back at Mia, my eyes squinting against the light from the hallway that backlit her form. "What are you doing up? it's nearly four o'clock." That's about when my brain started catching up with my eyes, and I could see scared look on her face. A look Mia took care not to show, most of the time at least. She wore a pair of red boxer shorts with the phrase "#1 Speedy" tattooed all over them, (a gift from Roy at Christmas) and a red tank top that didn't do a thing to hide her figure. Then again, why should she hide it? She definitely had lovely curves, and she could trust Dad and I not to look at her like a side of meat- couldn't she? I pulled my eyes from her quickly, taking my time in sitting up before looking back at her, concentrating on her face. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head a little, her own blonde hair spilling across her shoulders, the light from the hall casting deeper shades and shadows on it, making her hair look almost like rays of sunshine. "Can I come in?"

"Of course." I fidgeted as she came over and sat on the edge of my bed beside me, then lifted my hand to her cheek, gently turning her face towards mine, before I was suddenly caught by the notion that I might have a bit of halitosis. It didn't matter though, this was Mia after all. "What's bothering you, Mia?"

"I-... " A frown settled over her face, looking so out of place on those pink lips. I wanted to kiss that frown away, but I forced the thought from my head as quickly as it sprung up. "I had another nightmare."

Now it was my turn to frown. The beginning of this interlude could have synched up exactly with some of the more embarrassing dreams I'd had about my teammate. What with her coming to my room in the middle of the night, looking perfect as usual. She'd come to my bedside and... calm down Connor. That may have been the way the dreams went, but it wasn't the real reason why Mia was sitting next to you. The real reason she was here was because she had a nightmare. Another one. The third this week. But when it came to nightmares, there was only so much I could do to fight away her dream-demons. And I knew the drill already. Pushing that frown away I smiled and pulled the covers back a little before finally, reluctantly, allowing my hand to drift from her cheek, down her chin before falling away from her face. "Come on then, let's see if we both can't get some better sleep."

Like an excited child, her eyes lit up and she smiled, giving me a kiss on the cheek before clambering over me onto the other side of the bed. I caught the faintest scent of her skin, felt her silken hair brush across my face and caught a few glimpses of her lower back when she crawled over me. I had to close my eyes tight to try to get her out of my senses. It wasn't working too well, especially since she called me out of my brief meditative state with "Connor? You there? Earth to Connor."

"Yeah?" I managed to whisper with my eyes still closed.

"You already asleep? I said, you're the best!" A smile started to break across my lips, even with my eyes closed, I could see Mia. Sitting there, looking indignant that I hadn't replied to her praises, her hands on her hips and one eyebrow lifted. Adorable.

"Thanks... Let's try to get some sleep though, you've got school in the morning." I finally opened my eyes to see her push her lips out in a pout about school- and a soft chuckle rose in the back of my throat. I slid back down into bed, and closed my eyes as if it were perfectly normal for Mia to sleep in my bed. She settled down beside me, but kept wriggling until our bodies were just barely touching. Her hand tucked back under the pillow, as mine splayed out from beneath it. Her fingers grazed mine, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Goodnight Connor."

My arm was going to fall asleep like this. But it didn't matter, I was distracted from discomfort anyway by the long line of Mia's back, curving away from me, her legs bent slightly, one knee resting slightly in front of the other. It took every ounce of willpower in my being to tear my eyes from her, before taking a deep gulping breath and murmuring, "Goodnight Mia." Then turned my eyes to the ceiling, suddenly feeling wide awake.

I must have dozed off eventually, because once again I was slowly pulled out of sleep. Only this time, not by a voice, instead from a trembling against my arm, fingers closing in on mine. Instinctively, I rolled to my side and frowned. Mia was shaking in my arms, curling up as tight as possible, obviously trying to escape her dream-induced tormentor. I felt my frown deepen. I felt helpless. Helpless to protect her. In the waking world, there were only a few things that I was helpless to protect Mia from, and even if I couldn't take them away, I could at least lend her my strength and help her deal with them herself. But in the dream world, I was totally helpless to save her. My mind scrambled through options. I could wake her up- but she needed sleep more than I did, or she'd feel sick at school and exhausted when we went on patrol. I had to make her feel protected and safe somehow.

My free arm slipped around her waist, and I pulled her softly back against me, so her back rested against my chest, her hips in line with mine, my knees just behind hers and held her close. It was... both blissful and uncomfortable at the same time. For starters, I had no place to rest my hand, any higher and it would have been cupping her chest, any lower and it would have wound up between her thighs. Neither would be particularly helpful to this situation, so I pressed my hand flat against her stomach and tried not to think about the discomfort in my arm.

Holding Mia tightly, I allowed my face to nuzzle in softly against her shoulder, drinking in her scent. I felt .. so right to hold her close.. but somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was wrong. She was a friend, a partner, a teammate, almost like a sister- but so much more than all of that. Mia was one of the most important people in my life. She came to me for comfort, and I was taking advantage of her trust, the way so many other people had in her life. I couldn't allow myself to be one of the many other people who betrayed her faith, even though all I was doing was holding her... perhaps it wouldn't have mattered if I held her if I didn't enjoy it so much. If I didn't enjoy holding her against me I could have shrugged it off as just being a friendly, comforting gesture. I could have excused my actions as having nothing to do with my own desires. But it wasn't the truth. I felt as if I was almost forcing myself on her. And that was something I couldn't bear to think of.

With a reluctant sigh, I pulled away from Mia, moving to roll onto my back again when her fingers caught my wrist, pressing my hand tightly against her stomach and holding me tight against her still. I blinked and lifted my head towards her frowning softly, my lips just near her ear. "Mia? Mia are you awake?" No response, but her fingers tightened on my wrist. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I slowly let it out, just as her body began to roll towards me, her head leading. Her face turned towards mine, and I was still looking down at her, and her lips faintly brushed past my chin. I kept hoping, kept praying to Buddha that she wouldn't open her eyes. That she wouldn't see me so close to her, almost ontop of her and get the wrong idea. That she wouldn't wake up with my arm tucked under her, and my other hand on her stomach. There was no way that could work out very well at all. And everything that mattered to me, Mia and her friendship, her trust and.. well, Mia in general, was on the line. If she woke up now...

And of course, with my luck, that was exactly what happened.. those blue eyes slid open and I couldn't help that look of horror that crossed my face. "Mia... Mia .. I- this isn't..."I started stammering and began to pull away from her, but her fingers held my hand tight against her stomach still and a slow, lazy smile spread across her face, and her eyes began to light up.

"Mm.. Good morning Connor." She whispered. I was still trying hard to explain what exactly i had been thinking, laying against her like that, but my voice wasn't working- and now my mouth was just hanging open in shock that she wasn't screaming at me, or the like.

And that's when it happened. She sat up a bit- and I quickly started to scramble backwards to give her room, but she followed me on hands and knees until she was right on top of me, her eyes closing just as we had to stop at the edge of the bed, and placed her lips against mine softly. Mia and I had kissed before. Once when she was needed reassurance that she was still lovable even though she was HIV Positive. I told her it was just a friendly gesture to make her feel better. I told her that I didn't want to be her boyfriend. Great Buddha I was an idiot. But it wasn't like that at all. I was trying to show her that anyone would still love her.. but what I was really trying to say was that... it was that I still loved her. That I'd always loved her. And I almost lost her. What might have been her last words to me were "In that case you better kiss me again, and I better get some tongue this time." or at least something along the lines. I almost lost her, when I realized that I hadn't, of course, I still followed her request.. but I was shy, and hesitant. I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing... and being so shy about it all, I hadn't talked to her about it at all.. I think that made her think that I didn't want to kiss her.

It didn't matter now though, she was lying on top of me, and her lips were pressed so lightly against mine, her body and her weight settling over my chest and between my knees. Her lips were so soft and so sweet. I didn't know what to do. But it felt so good. I never wanted her to stop kissing me. Mia knew exactly what to do though- I suppose it was from practice- but that really wasn't something I wanted to think about. Her lips caressed so sweetly against mine as one of her hands moved to my cheek, fingertips stroking down my jaw. I don't know how it happened but I found my hands on her waist, pulling her hips down tighter against me. She gave a gasp of surprise, and I stopped immediately, staring up into her eyes. My cheeks were burning bright red and I suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that the pants I was wearing had grown tight. I'm sure Mia could feel it too, that in itself was embarrassing enough, but the fact that I'd never actually been in this situation with a girl before. And Mia had frozen up. I couldn't think it was something I'd done.

"Mia? A.. are you alright? We.. we don't have to, I mean... maybe we should try to get some sleep.." Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because she frowned, looking down at me.

"....If that's what you want.." She whispered but I could see the pain in her beautiful blue eyes. It certainly wasn't that I didn't want to be with her, definitely not. I just thought.. well.. I didn't want her to feel like she had to do something she didn't want to.. Okay.. so I was an idiot when it came to Mia.. yet again. But this time... this time I wasn't going to let her get away.

My arms found their way around her soft frame, pulling her back against me again rolling softly to lay her on her back, keeping my hands pressed against her back, lowering my head down to her ear, cradling her body against mine and whispered softly "That's not what I meant, Mia." Her hands moved to my shoulders, her fingers gripping down against them. Now I wasn't experienced with women at all... but from the way Mia squirmed and gave a throaty little moan.. well, I assumed that I was at least doing something right.

That moan.. It was almost too much for me. For a second, I took the briefest moment to think on that. Was it ever really going to be possible for me to get too much of Mia? The answer came to me as suddenly as the question had, just about the time she started kissing my neck.

Hell no.

Slowly, Mia's hands skimmed down my back, causing my hips to jerk involuntarily towards her, my own hands clinging to her waist. With all of our moving and squirming her shirt had scrunched up a little, just enough to allow my fingers to finally touch her soft skin. One of her hands gripped the back of my neck, pulling me even closer to her as her lips teased over my neck. Her other hand landed on my bare chest, as she nibbled my skin.

I couldn't help the groan that came from somewhere deep inside of me. I hadn't even known I was capable of such a passionate, feral noise, and my cheeks turned bright red when that thought hit me. Mia noticed. She had always said that my blushes just made me all the more unique.. and from the grin on her face, I was actually starting to believe her. Still blushing, my smiles joined her own before lowering my lips to her neck and mimicking her previous actions of pressing little kisses, and bites down that slender column. From her stomach, my fingers began to crawl upwards beneath her shirt. She was so small and petit that when I extended my fingers as far as I could, my fingers stretched from the waist of her boxer shorts to the bottom of her breasts. I meant to keep my hand at the top of her stomach... but one of them seemed to have a mind of it's own, and before I knew well enough to stop myself, my fingertips slipped over her nipple.

Hearing her moan was what made me realize exactly what it was I was doing, where exactly my hand had wandered to, and for the briefest instant I started to jump away from her. But something about the hazy, passionate look in her eyes, that intoxicating moan, her body shifting beneath mine.. well.. I was pretty much helpless to pull away, just as I had been helpless to protect her from nightmares... but I liked this much better.